B: This episode of DEATH BATTLE is brought to you by GoDaddy
*DEATH BATTLE theme*
W: Superheroines. Millions have been drawn to these modern myths of comic book law.
B: Or you could, ah, just be drawn to the way they're drawn.
W: Like Anna Marie, the Rogue...
B: ...and Diana Prince the Wonder Woman.
W: He's Boomstick and I'm Wizard.
B: And we're here to watch two chicks duke it out! CAT FIGHT!
W: It's our job to analyse their weapons, armor and skills...
B: ...and maybe a few other things...
W: To find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!
W: Rogue has possessed a variety of different powers over the years.
For this duel in particular, we will use the most well-known version...
The original iteration from the comics and television show.
Her deadliest weapon is her own skin. With just a touch she absorbs a person's memories, talents, personalities and abilities.
Whether superhuman or not to use them herself.
B: Too bad it knocks 'em out cold!
And if she holds on long enough, it's game over!
W: Tenacious foes like Juggernaut can resist it, bit in the end, nobody is safe from Rogue's parasitic touch.
For every second of contact, Rogue can keep these powers for a full minute.
Though, sometimes there's unforeseen side effects.
B: She held onto Miss Marvel for so long, she absorbed her powers permanently.
Now she's got super strength, speed and near invulnerability
Not that I blame her though. I'd be holding on to Miss Marvel for as long as I could.
Of course, then when she's unconscious, I could-
W: She also gained a seventh sense, the ability to subconsciously predict your opponent's moves.
B: but her 7th sense doesn't seem to always work. That or the riders just forgot about it 'cause, ah, Rogue gets her ass kicked a lot.
W: For plot convenience.
B: And damn, she's got a hot ass!
W: What?
B: Hey, that counts as a super-power my book, Wiz.
But while she's not invincible, she doesn't have any real weaknesses either.
She's a classy southern Belle who I'd like to take out to dinner.
W: Who can fly, lift buildings and kill people just by touching them.
B: Never mind!
"Ain't that enough?"
W: To the uneducated nerd, Wonder Woman may seem a cheap clone of Superman...
B: With super boobies!
W: But in reality, she's a whole different story!
W: Created from Earth, born by Gods, trained by ancient warriors...
B: Maker of Wonder Bread, designer of the Wonderbra!
W: Boomstick, that's not true!
B: See, I can do it too, Wiz!
W: Wonder Woman is the incredibly powerful and near invincible ambassador of Amascura and self-appointed protector of the Earth.
B: And she dresses like a stripper! A patriotic stripper!
W: Diana Prince has been trained by the Amazons as a master combatant since childhood.
She dueled the best of the best for the right to be crowned Wonder Woman.
Her unearthly powers are divine, granted by ancient Greek gods and goddesses.
From Demeter, she received superhuman strength and durability.
B: And you know that bitch mailman God with the wingy shoes?
W: Hermes?
B: Whatever.
He gave Wonder Woman the ability to fly and move at hypersonic speed.
She was given numerous other powers from enhanced senses, animal rapport and blessings of wisdom and empathy.
B: aside from the obvious cannons rested right below her neck, she's got a pretty bizarre mix of weaponry.
B: Her Lasso of Truth is a piece of unbreakable string that, well, makes you tell the truth.
"What other depraved thoughts must you be thinking?"
"God, your daughter's got a nice rack."
B: Hell yeah, she does!
W: She uses her tiara as a long-range throwing weapon using its razor sharp edge to slice open her enemy's throat.
B: Wonder Babe here wears the bracelets of submission, indestructible steel gauntlets forged from the remains of Zeus' legendary Aegis.
These babies can block all sorts of attacks.
W: She has persevered through out the years, fighting a huge variety of foes, even killing the Greek god of war, Ares.
B: Hear that, Kratos? A chick beat you to it!
"Let's see you smile now!"
W: All right, the combatants are set! Let's end this debate once and for all!
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B: Now it's time for a CATFIGHT DEATH BATTLE!
"Good night, sugar!"
KO!
B: Woohoohoo! This goes down in history as the best Death Battle ever!
W: Poor Wonder Woman was more than a match for Rogue, but then she touched rogue's face.
Wonder Woman is a trained fighter so naturally she would strike her opponent's weakest spots, like the neck, stomach, joints and, well, face.
W: In the end, her failure was a result of her thorough Amazonian training.
B: And her stripper outfit!
Her leg was just begging to be grabbed there! Though personally, ah, I'm might have grabbed elsewhere.
W: Wonder Woman's powers may be godly, but Rogue's taken similar powers before so there's no reason to say she couldn't here.
Adding Wonder Woman's strength and speed to Rogue's own power gave her a huge advantage drastically turning the tide.
B: A few high-flying combos and our favourite X-girl had wonder woman on the ropes.
W: And with her combined reflexes, speed and 7th sense, she outmanoeuvred Wonder Woman with one fatal kiss.
B: Rogue sure made out in this fight!
W: The winner is Rogue.
B: Next time on DEATH BATTLE...
FIGHT!
W: Who do YOU want to see in a DEATH BATTLE? Leave a comment below.