Hi, mom?
Okay, look, I can't talk right now; I'm about to do a video.
Well, I don't care if grandma just fell down the stairs; that's not the first time it's happened.
Yeah, okay, I understand, but, I mean, what she's fallen down—
I mean that bitch is clumsy; she falls every week for Pete's sake.
Yeah okay, well, just take care of it, mom.
You know, I mean if you keep bugging me like this, you know,
you're gonna be a grandma some day and you better stay away from them— the stairs yourself.
Think about it— keep it in perspective.
Yeah, well, it's your mom!
Okay, I don't have time for this!
[stammers]
Alright, I'll see you next week for— Alright, love you, bye.
[phone smacks on desk]
Hey, guys.
We're here to do— show a video about Patrice Wilson.
Now, you may not know the name, but I'm sure you know his videos.
He's the guy who made Rebecca Black - produced, directed, and did everything for that video.
In fact, he was in the video too, and I'll show you the excerpt
just to set up this whole scenario.
♪ Rebecca Black — Friday ♪
♪ So chillin' in the front seat (in the front seat) ♪
♪ In the back seat (in the back seat) ♪
♪ I'm drivin', cruisin', (yeah-yeah) ♪
♪ Fast lanes, switchin' lanes ♪
♪ With a car up on my side (Woo!) ♪
♪ (C'mon) Passin' by is a school bus in front of me ♪
♪ Makes tick-tock, tick-tock, wanna scream ♪
♪ Check my time, it's Friday, it's a weekend ♪
♪ We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon—
He's a master lyricist. He's a wordsmith, in fact.
Many people would give him that title. I would.
Talking about the master wordsmith here,
are you ready for the title of this video?
It's called: A
B
C
D
E
F
and then there's a G at the end, too.
So, it's called 'ABCDEFG'.
And that's the title he's given it.
It's not to be confused with his previous hit, 'ABCDEF'.
And he's got on board for next month, a reeeally big hit coming out -
it's gonna even top this one - called 'ABCDEFGH'.
And look out for that one next month, guys. It's gonna be really
a blockbuster.
So, let's see what Patrice has cooked up for us here, with this ABCDEFG.
♪ Alison Gold — ABCDEFG ♪
"Mister Wilson's Neighborhood".
Alright, who's Mis— there, I guess that's Mr. Wilson.
[music cuts off]
Lookin' like a nice— the nice neighborhood pedophile there, Mr. Wilson, with the
lip gloss and the, uh—
Mmm, beautiful.
Face look—
that's like the Saw face, man.
That's a face I'd like to wake up in the middle of the night looking over me, huh?
It's a big smile, Patrice. You a happy dog, dawg.
[music continues]
Wha— what happened? [music cuts off]
Patrice is unhappy, watch out.
Some kids' lives are about to change forever. Patrice was like
That's that look when
a couple kids' lives is about to change forever, for the worse.
[music continues]
He's like "hang on, dawg, what the fuck's going on in this house?"
"Let me peek in that window!"
Look at this image, I mean—
this image is pretty twisted up in itself.
She's holding what looks like a phallic object.
A little eight-year-old girl,
and a big,
giant,
black man.
Looking in on her, man. It's like Blackzilla.
This guy's got a weird fantasy, dude.
Blackzilla rapes the little, eight-year-old white girl, with blonde hair.
Likes that.
He likes them white and blonde.
Mmm.
Ugh.
Watch his face light up, dude.
'Cause he knows he's about to have a good fap.
Watch this.
Get a look at his face.
[music continues]
WHO-HO-HOOOOA!
That's gonna be a good fap, boi!
[slowed down] ♪ Anything you want to have ♪
Yeeeaahh, boi!
'Bout to get a good fap on, son!
She doesn't even know I'm there.
Hopefully, she doesn't turn around.
♪ —when you believe, believe ♪
♪ C will—
- HOOOOA!
It's so weird!
How did he make this video and not think it was the weirdest thing ever?
That smile. How do you get a smile that big?
I can't do it.
Can you do it?
I wanna see you try.
Smile as big as possible.
[creepy, high-pitched tone]
That's good, that's good. [Hila laughs]
That was good.
How'd you do that?
[creepy, high-pitched tone]
This is what Patrice looks like when he's down—
when he's ready to fuck a bitch.
Damn, that was weird.
♪ take it step— ♪
- So weird.
It's so disturbing and weird, it's very...
very unusual.
This guy.
I don't know, man.
♪ —EFG ♪
♪ HIJKLMN— ♪
Now, what's interesting is that the chorus is just the alphabet,
and I'm surprised he only
went for 'ABCDEFG' for the title - I mean, he could've gone much more longer than that.
♪ HIJKLMNOP ♪
♪ HIJKLMNOP ♪ [Ethan sings along] —KLMNOP
So, he goes quite a bit. He goes almost halfway through the alphabet there.
I'm surpri— I think he should've named it 'ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP'.
That would've been a little more catchy.
♪ —thinking I will be on a one-way street ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, if you ju—
- "Wilson's Wagon."
It looks like the Pussy Wagon from Kill Bill, dude.
Weird connection, or coincidence?
I don't believe in coincidences.
You ready to take a ride on the Pussy Wagon?
Patrice is like
[creepy high-pitched tone]
"Get in."
"Get in", dude.
Patrice put out the sign for you; "get in", dude.
Get in the Pussy Wagon.
ARGGGHHHHH!
[Ethan Klein Cough™]
She's like "what?"
Isn't this what all parents', like, worst nightmare is?
It's like some stranger
some fucking weird, obviously pedophile guy, just like
"get into my van".
"Get into my Pussy Wagon".
Like, this video is encouraging some very
dangerous behavior.
But she's like "a'ight, let's get in".
Oh my god.
♪ —the party, thinking— ♪
- AAAAAARGH!
Every time they show him smiling, it's like a horror show, dude. It's like a fff—
my worst nightmare being realized.
I mean, how do you even take that seriously?
♪ All these mixed emotions, now I need some help ♪
[Ethan]: Whoa, look at that, effects. ♪ All these mixed emotions, now I need some help ♪
♪ All these mixed emotions, now I need some help ♪
♪ I want to take it step by step, the way we do it is my best ♪
Alright, I gotta say it, y'know
I feel bad for making fun of kids, but I mean
this looks like a girl.
Okay? I'm sorry, I don't want to make fun of little kids, but
that looks more like a girl than a boy.
And, I don't know why they cast
a young
hermaphrodite for the role.
Is that too much? Should I not make fun of the kids like that?
He's got a black girl, and a white girl. He's gonna tear them both up.
Now, this is the Patrice smile:
first, you remove all joy from your face.
Open your eyes wide,
now you force the smile.
My face is joyless.
But that's the— this is the Patrice smile.
Nice.
Now watch when I remove my fingers; the joy is gone from my face.
[Hila laughs]
Stop, Hila!
♪ The way we try to fit the rest ♪
Get that punch girl (yeah), you know that ain't spiked
He's like "Hmm, should I rape them now? Or should I wait until they're fucked up on this punch
that I spiked with roofies?"
♪ You know you just passed the test ♪ - "I got it."
♪ This feeling is like ABCDE—
"Here, hm, l-lum-lum—
"Let me look at my drug cabinet— let me look for the perfect date rape drug."
♪ —EFG ♪
- "Love potion"
[claps hands]
"Love potion" - that's what rapists like to call roofies.
"Hey, y-, oh yeah, man."
"I was at the bar with this girl;
I slipped her a little "love" potion, y'know what I mean?
And we fucked all night."
And, uh...
So that's why I've been in jail for the last ten years."
♪ HIJ—
- Whooooooooooooa!
The Patrice smile.
He got that— he gets his lips,
he gets it jammed-up there. It's like
He showed all the teeth.
It's like this.
Is that good?
[creepy high-pitched tone]
♪ —KLMNOP ♪
♪ You got me thinking I will be, on a one-way street ♪
Spike that bitch's drink, Patrice.
This video's not weird,
this video's not unusual,
with that absolutely disturbing grin that is reminiscent of the Joker,
you know, some psychotic comic book character
dripping drugs, a.k.a. "love potion", into a 8-year-old's drink.
Let's see what happens.
And that's not a small amount; it's fucking raining!
He made— Patrice make it rain on that bitch, dude! Look at this.
[high-pitched] Ah-hah!
Make it rain, dude! That's like a fuckin' full—
that's a lot of liquid, man!
Careful, you don't want her to overdose, man; you don't want to turn rape into murder.
When raping goes wrong, huh?
Phew!
[mouse clicks]
♪ HIJKLMNOP ♪ - Oh no, "puppet potion"?
Oh, man!
♪ You got— ♪
- "I gave her frickin' acid instead of roofies
sh— daaaang, man!
[Patrice Wilson]: ♪ —take it slow ♪
- "Gonna take this slow?"
♪ Can't say no, 'cause you're think you're pro ♪
♪ Whoa—
♪ —she's gonna tell you no ♪
- "She's gonna tell you no?"
That's why you got your love potion, boy.
♪ ABCDEFG ♪
- Human potion?
♪ HIJKLMNO— ♪
- Why don't you stop drugging her drinks, dawg?!
You squirt like, like a ff—
a full liter of drugs into their beverages, man. They're fucked up, dude!
First it's puppet potion, love potion,
chi— human potion, Chinese food potion.
You know, these are just acronyms for meth,
roofies, you know, heroin,
ecstasy. This guy— these kids are not gonna survive
to the end of this video, Patrice.
And then, by the way, it's not cool to put spiked punch like that at a middle school dance.
Patrice?
Really?
You want some kid to get his love potion from "Uncle John", y'know,
the weird molesting uncle that everyone's got.
- "Hey, Uncle John, you got some more of that love potion you used on me last week?"
- "Yeah, here you go, here's a full vial."
Why don't you go to your own middle school dance and dump it in the bowl!
And kill a buncha kids, man!
Or, I mean, rape them at least, and then they'll die!
Patrice, come on!
♪ —BCD— ♪
Take a sip of that, boy.
Take a sip— wrap your lips around that.
♪ —EFG ♪
♪ HIJ—
Oh, fuck, he gave them the Chinese food potion. I knew he was gonna do that, dude!
Now what're you gonna do? He's just a bunch of Chinese food, man!
What, are you gonna eat him?
You're gonna eat a child?
I mean, it looks like Chinese food, but that's a child. You're gonna eat him, Patrice?
This is what little kids look like to him.
Some dank food, you know?
Fresh from your favorite Chinese food place.
Look at those crisp egg rolls. Mmm-mmm.
[slurps]
Look at that. Look at that
broccoli and noodles, boy.
I could just bite into that, right?
That's what he sees when he looks at your little sister.
Y'know, your little daughter.
That's what he sees.
He's salivating; he wants to eat your children.
And this is on YouTube, this is just for everyone to s— This has got millions of views, guys.
And this guy's on the street. He's still roaming the street.
♪ —JKLMNOP ♪
♪ You got me thinking I will be on a—
Are you gonna eat it? Is she gonna eat it?
♪ —one-way street ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh—
Is she eat— that's really twisted.
♪ —wanna see ♪
You gotta keep it in perspective, guys.
This is a human being.
She's gonna eat him.
[crunch]
She ate— she...
This is cannibalism.
Hello.
Hi, I'd like to report a crime.
Yeah, my name is Ethan Klein.
Okay, I just witnessed on YouTube a man
erm... raping and eating a minor.
She was 8.
She was only 8-years-old. I saw it on YouTube right now.
Okay.
Okay,
dude, I just saw it on YouTube; he was eating and raping a little 8-year-old girl!
His name is Patrice Wilson.
That's all I know. I don't know anything else!
Okay, you've gotten other calls about this?
You guys know about this?
He's still making videos, dude!
Sean, dude! Get...
I don't know where he— I don't know!
Well, he's still out there!
SEAN!
We gotta do something about this, dude!
[crash]
[Ethan Klein Cough™]
Hey, everybody. Thanks for watching our video. Boy, we really appreciate that.
Now, if you haven't seen our last reaction video, go ahead and click that video there.
It's a really funny one, in my opinion, and I highly recommend it.
Now, I also recommend following us on
Twitter and Facebook because we are just dropping the spiciest memes all week, boi.
So, check those out.
And if you haven't subscribed yet, you just click at the bottom there, where it says 'Click Here To Subscribe'.
You just click that, and Bob is your uncle, confirmed.
Ta-ta for now. This is Ethan Klein from h3h3Productions signing out.