- So, how much will it cost for you to spill
all of CollegeHumor's secrets?
- Give me a number and then we'll talk.
- I like your style.
(suspenseful music)
(laughs)
- You must not want these secrets.
- Then make me an offer.
(suspenseful music)
(laughs)
- You're dreaming.
Maybe we should just say the number out loud.
- Nope, this procedure.
This is how it's always done.
Do you wanna use my pen?
- I like this pen.
(pen clicking)
Now we're cooking with gas.
Maybe this will tickle your fancy.
(laughs)
- You sir, insult me.
Do you have another piece of paper?
It's just this is getting kinda crowded.
- Oh yeah.
- I'll look too.
You have anything?
- No it's all cash.
- It's all cash?
- I feel like we should just say this out loud.
- No, no, okay we're gonna figure this out, 'kay?
Aha, okay, see.
(suspenseful music)
This is more my style.
- Wow, that's certainly tempting.
But I can't read this.
You can't use a fountain pen on receipt paper, it smudges.
- Damn.
- This is all I can do.
- Yes, 100%, for sure, we've got a deal.
- Wait, let me see?
Oh, I see, no you read it upside down.
It's supposed to be this.
- What?
Why would you put all those zeros in the front?
- Can we just talk?
- This whole place could be bugged.
- I mean this incessant
writing down of numbers I have never seen
anybody say the number out loud
when they're making these kinda deal okay.
It is simply done. Oh, fine, fine, okay.
- And that is the kind of standard
we are going to uphold here today.
- Fine!
(suspenseful music)
My final offer.
(shoulder cracking)
Oh, oh.
I have a crick in my neck.
- Okay, you should be exercising more.
- Don't tell me what to do.
- All I'm saying is, this table didn't get any bigger.
- Okay, enough.
I want secrets and I want them now.
I am willing to offer this entire case full of cash,
more than any other offer I've put on the table today.
So, what do you say?
(dramatic music)
Wait, no that's expensive.
Bought that at Sharper Image.
- My final offer.
- Fine, yes, I'll take it, I'll take it!
- Excellent.
- Now, give me those secrets.
- Pat Cassels used to work here.
- What, I know.
Trap killed him.
- What?
Oh my god, nobody tells me anything.
- Looking for Trap?
- Yeah.
- Then you might want this.
It's one of the finest weapons ever created.
A sword with a revolver attached at the end
with some rubber bands.
Sharp enough to cut through a tank
and it has like infinity bullets.
The bullets are shotgun shells.
Except for some that are grenades.
You can also take it on a plane.
- Cool.