Let's open this position!
Damn it Meatbag!
All this senseless killing... for freaking what?!
Believe it or not Breadstick old chum,
The war started because some dude got killed.
Wait WHAT!? One dude led to millions of deaths?
Yup! Maybe I'm over simplifying it a bit though-
LESS TALK, MORE FLASHBACK!
Okay... so literally every single ruler wanted to hold on to their empire so badly...
they viewed everyone else's expansion
with deep paranoia.
Britain, Russia and France were sort of bffs
And on the other side:
Germany, Austria-hungary and Italy... were ALSO BFFs
Hold the phone... Italy?!
But those guys are on OUR side now!
They changed sides later. But don't get ahead of yourself.
Pardon.
Okay... so these guys have some informal alliance
but these guys have a defensive alliance - which means...
They'll all get into a fight if somebody messes with one of them-
Guys what the hell are you doing!?
We're in the middle of a BATTLE!
We're doing the war's origin story
Oh... interesting.
Voilá, monsieur.
So everyone is paranoid and power hungry and have alliances and stuff...
but YOU said this all started because ONE guy got killed
Meet Archduke Franz Ferdinand-
Where?
He's starting a flashback
Franz Ferdinand was archduke of Austria.
Pretty chill dude.
Listen Uncy Jo- I mean, Emperor Joseph
There's some Serbian nationalism going on down in one of our provinces
So... I'm gonna go flex our military a bit!
Have fun... OH and keep an eye out.
There is a Serbian ultra nationalist secret organization
called... The Black Hand.
Who MAY try to kill you!
Okay Bah, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
The black hand got to Franz Ferdinand and his wife
They were both murdered by gunshot
And that's... when the war really started
They killed his wife too!? Merde.
Yes... pretty barbaric.
You got a wife Breadstick?
Oui (yes). And two daughters.
The smallest one I haven't met yet, because of the war.
but that's why I do everything in my power to surv-
You son of a [ __ ]
TAKE THIS, AND THIS!
Oh man... this looks bad.
I blame... my character development.
We have to find a medic !
Forget it! You'll die if both of you try to carry me.
I am gonna go look for help! You take care of him.
Finish it! Finish the story.
I need to know what I'm bleeding to death for.
You sure? It gets... rather silly from here on out.
Like, if I were you I'd much rather die not knowing all this crazy sh-
FINISH.
THE.
STORY.
Are those guys seriously discussing how the war started in the middle of a battlefield?
Couldn't they catch up in the morning?
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Okay, so at first...
people didn't really seem to care that Franz Ferdinand was killed.
Like, SURE, it sucked,
but at least there wasn't CHAOS or anything... but then...
EMPEROR JOSEPH: SERBIAAAAA!
What the heck man!?
You killed my NEPHEW!
Aw crap...
i guess some people in my government were plotting against you BUT...
I know you're angry-
I'm going to have to investigate this!
Um... okay?
Inside your country!
WITH MY OWN FORCES!
Okay but, you know... I don't know.
Then I'll get to my expans-
I mean my REVENGE!
And that was not the end of it...
GERMANY!
What are you doing here!?
Just out for a stroll.
Germany! Serbia killed my nephew.
It's a bit more complicated than-
Do not worry your little schnitzel brain.
We will back you up if anyone - like Serbia - tries to mess with you.
Oh thanks bestie!
Okay Serbia, get your ass ready for INVASION
Russia?!
What are you doing here!?
I'm just out for a stroll!
Russia, these a-holes want to invade me!
But only because he killed our-
Your nephew?
My nephew!
Oh guys, can we not? I really like Serbia.
So if you attack him I'll have to mobilize my army,
to look fancy and project power at YOU!
But if you attack austria-hungary,
then I'll have to attack you! Which means....
Wait, I didn't say attack!
France!
What are you doing here!?
Oui, just out for a stroll.
France! Germany is going to attack me because they think I'm going to attack him!
Because they're going to invade him!
Because his nephew - the archduke - GOT MURDERED!
Wow... what a mess.
Yeah... you have no idea-
WHOA, WHAT THE HELL!?
Hey relax, I came back to finish the job...
but then i started hearing your story and...
yeah... this war is DUMB.
I'm... sorry I shot you.
Ugh, we’re at war. These things happen.
Can I... hear the rest of the story? 👉👈
Sure... what the hell. Take a seat.
Okay, uh… where were we? Ah, right!
something something something-
You invade HIM, I invade you, yadda, yadda, yadda.
What?!
Hey guys.... what's going on
OUCH! Did you just pre-emptive strike me through Belgium?
Well I couldn't wait for you to attack ME. It was a logical move.
True that-
WAIT! But if you attacked Belgium…
BRITAIN! What are you doing here?!
Yes the joke's getting old...
A little birdie told me you guys attacked my boy Belgium.
Well turns out-
Let me guess... you have an alliance with them?
Yup!
[WW1 SOUNDS]
[ITALY]: Well I’ve decided to remain neutral… for now…
So yeah... that's more or less how the war started.
I think he passed away while you were talking.
I don't know how much he heard.
Oh... maybe it's for the best.
It’s not a happy story honestly.
How was it in your country? You know, when the war started.
Everyone cheered.
We all thought we were doing our great patriotic duty to defend our allies.
That the war would be quick,
because we had right and might on our side.
Same in London.
Whole country cheered us on as we rode off to play toys soldiers.
To kill ourselves because of a bunch of power-hungry rulers,
who manipulate us ordinary people into fighting for them.
Hopefully future generations don't let their countries...
be the only one telling them their history.
So they're not manipulated into making the same mistakes we made.
Cheers to that.
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peace out!