Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
'I'm sorry, there are no visitors'
We're reviewing The War of the Gargantuas
'I was afraid that was the case'
The film opens with a ship attached by a giant octopus
then saved by far stranger creature
That reprieve however is short-lived
It's a good opening, although I struggle to take it seriously for some reason
'We were sunk by a hairy green giant!'
'Ho ho ho Green Giant!'
This being Japan, there are experts on this subject
'Didn't you have a species of giant?'
'That was five years ago.'
Russ Tamblyn plays a scientist, who enjoys mountaineering in a lounge suit
'Hey, wait a minute, let me catch my breath.'
and has prior experience with Gargantua
'A moutain guide brought him in but escaped the following year'
Could this be the same monster?
'It's possible'
all we know about this one is that he must be a music lover.
(sings) 'the words get stuck in my throat'
But Tamblyn's gargantua was no killer
'He was so gentle when he was treated kindly'
and while the first one is giving some fishermen a shock
'Hey! Look at that.'
in the mountains
'A foot print found the college student.'
'He's seen in the ocean then in the mountains, how could such a huge monster move around so fast?'
So
'Maybe this gargantua isn't our gargantua'
Which seems obvious, and yet no one believes it until
'Hey look another one'
Why are they so different?
'In the Bible there was the story of Cain and his brother Abel'
very scientific
'What do you mean?'
Now, I like the brown gargantua which is kind and gentle
'Look, in all the time we had him here he seemed more gentle than most human beings'
And I like the green gargantua which kicks ass,
but which one is better?
There's only one way to find out. FIGHT!
Or just wale on him with a tree.
This consumes much of the rest of the film, while the army try to track them down.
Given their ongoing giant monster problem you'd think the Japanese army would be better at this
and would know better than to just throw toy tanks at the problem
Fortunately they are saved a lot of trouble as the gargantuas swim into a volcano
'The volcano, it's apparently the end of both of them'
Now the gargantua look good
the miniatures are exceptional
And it's nice to see a monster that genuinely gets hurt
The problem is, I don't really care which wins
'What?'
I'm told how nice the brown one was when he was little
'I think it was I who knew our gargantua the best'
But I wasn't there and he only shows up halfway through
The film acts like I should have an emotional attachment that I just don't have
'I just don't understand it'
In the Japanese version, the monsters are called Frankensteins rather than gargantuas,
which you can occasionally spot in the dubbing
'Gargantua?'
and this is a sequel to Frankenstein Conquers the World
'I don't think they can ever kill him though'
But in the English language versions, references to that were cut, turning it into a stand-alone film
'Don't say that!'
That said, the young gargantuas or Frankensteins or whatever,
'Are you listening?'
don't appear in the earlier film, so I'm not actually sure that fixes the problem.
'I certainly agree'
To sum up...
I don't feel like I've fully understood this film
'It's still a mystery'
Which could be because a) I watched the US dub
'We'll just have to use the old noggin, huh?'
b) there's more than one US dub and I watched the wrong one
'Do you suppose there could be two?'
c) the original wasn't that great in the first place
'your theories have not been substantiated.'
or d) it's a great example of two giant monsters waling on each other and I should get my head out of my ass.
'We have no answers for you, right now we are in the process of investigating.'
The War of the Gargantuas kind of has a prequel, kind of doesn't...
For what films would you like to see a prequel that would maybe improve the existing movie
stick your suggestions in the comments below after you've subscribed of course
'Don't just sit there, lets go.'