It's often the littlest things in life that makes the biggest impact
and the same is absolutely true of your charisma.
It's tiny little actions that, over time, lead to people feeling like
you have a truly magnetic personality and that's why in this video, I want to
give you five small things that you can do to dramatically boost your charisma.
to our sponsor, Paramount Pictures and the movie, Downsizing.
So if you have not yet seen the previews, this is a movie that
is starring Matt Damon, Kristen Wiig, Christoph Waltz and it's all about
downsizing your life — in the case of the movie, literally —
in order to be more altruistic to the people around you
and that is going to be the theme of this video as you will see.
So if you would like to check out the movie, Downsizing,
go ahead and click the link in the description below; you can buy your tickets
through us and it will support the channel and also be a fun thing to do.
So the first thing in the spirit of Downsizing is going to be downsizing your gift
and this is the greatest gift idea I have heard for the holidays; you will blow
people away with this one and I have to give a total credit to Mikey for this one.
So the idea is that rather than going and buying the most expensive
newest thing — the car, the jewelry, whatever it is — you simply go out and get a
notebook or a tiny little journal and for a week each day, what you do is
you pick the person you'd like to give it to and you write down what you are grateful for about them.
And you can take a new prompt every day so Day 1, maybe you'll go on and
just write down some of your favorite times that you shared together.
Day 2, maybe you draw a picture of a couple of those times.
Day 3, maybe you write down the emotions that they make you feel
and just the small things that they've done in your life that they might not have known had a huge impact on you.
At the end of this, if you take 15-20 minutes each day, you've got a little
gratitude journal that is personalized to someone that you care about.
And I promise you, if you give this to that person, they will appreciate it
far more than anything that you can buy in a store.
So that is an easy way to spend just a little bit of money and have a huge impact on other people.
The second thing that we want to do, again it's the holiday season right now
and this isn't I admit directly tied to your charisma but it makes other people
feel wonderful so I'm including it and that is to — something I did many years ago —
which is take the clothes, the toys, the stuff that you have in your house,
and find an outlet or a charity that you can get rid of it from your clutter in your closet and give it to them.
Now, I did this when I moved from Brazil; I've been living pretty much with
everything I could own that fit into a single suitcase since then but I have to tell you
the freedom that you get for not necessarily having to have all this stuff in your
house is amazing for you but also there's people out there that can use the clothes that you're having; it is cold in a lot of the United States.
So if you have spare clothes that you can give or toys that you haven't played with
in 10 years, give those away — other people appreciate it and it just frees you up in your life.
So I want to move now to conversational tips — the kind of stuff that you guys are
used to getting from us because I recognize that we don't often talk about charity but
'tis the season so these are things that you might get to do in your holiday party
if you have one and again, I want to keep the focus on other people because
so often, we talk about ways to put ourselves in the spotlight which is great but
sometimes it's nice to do that for other people because it makes them feel good
and of course they appreciate you for it so the third tip is going to be to
pick the shyest person in the group that you find yourself in.
Maybe you know a relative that is this person, this was me when I was growing up,
and you're gonna pick that person and you were going to make it a point to go up
to them at the holiday party or wherever you find yourself and
ask them what they're excited about.
Now, I know that if someone had come up to me and asked me,
I wouldn't really have known what to do because I wasn't very communicative way back in the day but I did have a particular uncle
who did this and always made me feel seen and special and to this day, he's my favorite uncle.
So if you want to go ahead and do that for someone, they might not be able to
verbally share everything what they're totally excited about, they might just give you a few words, but I promise you that
if you ask them what they're excited about, you ask them why
they're excited about it, you ask them to tell you a little bit more and ask just a few questions about it,
they will feel so seen and heard and it's just a little thing that you can do to make someone feel fantastic and they'll probably love you forever for it.
The fourth thing that I'm talking about in this video is something that I came up
against very recently and it's something that is small that I've seen people do very
wrong even when they don't intend to and the way that it came up for me is
I was speaking to someone and I guess they did this wrong which made me feel
completely like — A, they did not like me and B, I didn't like them back.
And it was the way that they listened; there was a couple things that went into it.
I was speaking and this person was eating food so they were facing away from me
so they were like this while I was facing them and they didn't really ever glanced
back in my direction and they just kind of nodded their head.
The second thing that they did was they were pretty stone-faced.
I'd say something, crack a joke and they just go, "Mm-hmm. Yeah,"
and it seemed like they were in a rush to recompose their face to neutral with me
and also the tonality that they expressed was just completely flat so I got the
impression that this person did not like me because they were not actively listening.
So things that you want to do that are going to make the people that you're
speaking with feel like you're engaged is obviously pay attention
but I actually found out later, this guy was paying attention and he just didn't know how to show it.
So one, face them — so huge.
Two, reassuring looks — this is smiling from your smile and smiling from your eyes;
you can see my eyes change when I smile. So allowing your face to be expressive.
And three, there's these little verbal cues that we give to show people that we are
listening to them and a very simple one that my friend does all the time and
I appreciate it is when I've said something he agrees with, he just goes,
"Ugh, totally. Totally," and that simple word lets me know that he's on board
so you can pick whatever word works for you but that kind of active listening goes a long way.
The fifth thing that I want to share with you is actually from the same person
and it is so powerful that it took me from feeling like he-didn't-like-me-therefore-I-didn't-like-him
to actually feeling a really strong connection with him
and it is supporting the dreams of the other person.
Now, the way this came up is that later in the day, I was hanging out with a group
of people and it came up that I played music; there was a guitar there and they went, "You should sing a song."
I was very nervous as I tend to be when I'm asked to play music in front of other
people, there was about 20 people there, and I did. I played a song,
people rocked out and seemed to have a good time but I was very quick to want
to get rid of the guitar and put it down because it was out of my element for me.
And as I was going to put the guitar down he said, "No, no, no. Play one more song, man. That was amazing; you have to play one more."
And in that moment, I felt like I loved him.
It was actually incredible and what I've realized is that there are people in our lives
obvoiusly have something that they're passionate about that they're maybe
not totally certain other people will support and if you go to their social media
profiles you'll see that there's people trying to start blogs, start music careers,
they're writing, they're taking photos, they're trying to start a new business...
If you want to do something small that is incredibly altruistic — that's the theme
of this video — if you want to do that, the simplest thing that you can do
is reach out to them and tell them that you support what they're doing.
You don't even necessarily have to love their art
but if you say to them as many people did to me — or actually not many,
it was very, very few at the beginning and most people didn't —
when I started Charisma on Command, most people said,
"You're crazy. You're quitting your job? That's dumb."
But there were a few and Ben even remembers them that they boosted
minds as friends who said, "You know what? I just got to tell you, man. It's so cool that you are chasing your dreams and I think that's amazing."
When you do that for someone — you find a way to support their dreams —
they instantly will feel a bond for you so again, it's just another small logistic thing
that you can do in the spirit of the holiday season and of course our sponsor, Downsizing.
So I hope that you have enjoyed those five little things that you can do.
Take them with you, use them in the holiday parties and I will say one more —
you get a bonus today — which is not for the holiday part of it but
if there's a service person in your life like somebody that you order food from
or you see often or some guy who is the doorman at your apartment building,
please remember their name and just say something kind plus their name.
It goes so far to humanizing these people that
most people in the world do not treat like humans; they treat as functions of their job so that's your bonus sixth tip.
I hope that you enjoyed this video. I will have a new video, I believe on Star Wars,
this Monday so if you want to see that make sure to subscribe.
If you want to see the movie, Downsizing, click the link in the description and
you can get your tickets there and of course I hope you like this video, and I will see you in the next one.