hello hello good morning good morning
i have me a little coffee moment i notice coffee is such an appetite
suppressant i don't know but i'm just feeling so
sluggish and fatigued today i have like zero energy and i hope i snap out of it soon
which i'm sure i will because i go through phases throughout the day where i'm just like energy no
energy energy no energy so i kind of embrace those as they come i'm wearing betsy johnson earrings
i've had these for so long i think this is like the first time i've worn them so i love that
okay guys i have a massive bag of torrid i'm gonna take a piece of clothing i'm gonna throw it in a
vlog i'm gonna like show you guys how it looks on me and such you know because i don't want to
do it all in one video i think it would just be fun so yeah let's do it okay first things first
this is a size six t-shirt this is really a pretty olive green color the sleeves
do you like it i know i love the color the sleeves have like this really cute stripe moment so
now i'm gonna try it on okay so here it is on and i'm actually shocked it fits pretty well
like i'm not used to t-shirts fitting me as well but i mean with a little bit of weight loss like
these three pounds inside joke um yeah like it fits i love the color i love how it fits sorry
if the couch is a mess that's all the stuff that we got from ross that i still have not put away
so i think i want to rate each outfit or each uh it's not really an outfit like dress or shirt that
i get i'm gonna do it out of five and i literally give this probably a four or four point five out
of five and my girlfriend also set a four point five my girlfriends rate my outfits clickbait
shake your face baby
oh thanks babe okay you guys make lunch with me first things we need is
flat bread you are also going to need cream cheese some lunch meat of your choice mine is rotisserie
seasoned chicken breast you're gonna need some scallion some ranch seasoning okay so i want
to make it known that i actually saw my friend do this recipe on tik tok i am switching it up
a little bit but i wanted to try it so i have this i'm doing it in a clear cup so you guys can see it
um on my scale so i can put a serving down of the cream cheese which is 31 grams 31 grams
okay that's 28. now i'm gonna add some of this ranch seasoning
so now you're gonna cut some scallion so my friend put parsley but in replace the parsley i'm putting
an onion flavor because i personally love it so i'm just chopping these pieces super super small
okay so we're gonna add that to this mixture
so you also have the option to cook some bacon and
crumple it up in this mixture but if we're being quite frank here i forgot
okay so i'm just gonna okay i'm gonna smear it i hate that word smear so gross
then just put your desired meat on the wrap obviously and then you're going
to roll it up which i'm usually kind of bad at this but we'll see
wow i did not do too bad and now you're just gonna cut them into pinwheels
i love me a pinwheel and i've never made made one from scratch you can
do it in so many different ways um i just wanted to try something easy to see what i thought
and then there you go you have your cute little
sandwiches aren't they so cute so i'm gonna go eat this wait you know what we should do a taste test
that's 10 out of 10. hey guys okay so i promised in my last vlog that i would talk about outpatient
and give you guys an update on that but i totally forgot slit my mind so i know that my decisions
and the way that i live my life reflects on the way that you guys treat me it is something
i have very much noticed so i am expecting a lot of backlash a lot of hate a lot of people
being disappointed in me and i think that's the reason why i didn't want to share this
right off the bat because i'm kind of just like enjoying my life right now i'm trying to be like
positive and just like motivated and inspired to live my life so i have officially taken a pause
on outpatient i noticed that they did not want me to talk about weight loss that was not they
the program that i was doing they're very much health at every size which i completely disagree
with i don't believe in that at all i do believe beauty at every size so don't get me wrong but i
don't believe in health at every size at all and so it made it to where it was hard for me
to talk about my weight hard for me to talk about my weight loss and my health problems because of
it and me wanting to just save my life i felt guilty talking about those things almost like i
wasn't supposed to it was like i was walking on eggshells so currently in my life i am actively
losing weight trying to lose weight there will be a way in so don't worry you guys do not have
to worry about that i'm actually very proud of myself i'm feeling amazing i've had multiple like
several appointments with the program so i've had easily over 10 hours of outpatient program
and i know that those 10 hours honestly did change a big part of my brain i want to see
a nutritionist even though i feel like everything they're going to tell me is stuff i already know
um am i saying i'll like not do outpatient forever no maybe i will go back but i'm taking what i did
learn already using that and i'm also using what i already knew it turns out i knew more than i
freaking thought like my psychologist was like you're smarter than you think and i was like
i feel like i'm dumb literally i feel like i'm an idiot i know all this knowledge i just don't
put it into action as for therapy i love it so i'm actually going to see if i can keep my
psychologist as a therapist and not as someone who is like telling me not to count calories i really
want my psychologist to or my future therapist to support me in my decision of weight loss because
this is for my health it's for my future and it's very important that's that's ultimately
what needs to happen here let's be real my life is paused while i am this size and i want to press
play and i also would like to say that i have not binged in oh my gosh it's been almost a week and
it honestly feels amazing um i noticed that doing the outpatient it actually triggered me to binge
because i was talking so much about like trauma it was just like trauma trauma traumatic trauma and
i'm just like okay let's slow down for a second so we can talk more about this down the line give
you more updates on if i keep a psychologist you know whatever it may be i'm not trying to like
keep any of this hidden it's just like sometimes i need to process things before i can actually speak
about them out loud so i hope you guys understand that and i think as long as i am making progress
mentally and physically in all the health ways and like the mental health and whatever it may be that
is the track that i'm wanting to be on 100 um i hope that you guys just accept my decision like
as a person and know that i am making progress and you guys will see that progress i promise
anyways i'll see you guys next video bye i get lost sometimes and i can't seem to find the light
between the walls i built for myself right in my mind