We just heard a roomful of cheating husband
speak very candidly.
And while you've been watching this conversation,
explicit conversation, so have their wives.
So Natalie is Stephen's wife of nine years.
Danine is married to Ryan.
Anne is married to Brian.
Mary's husband is Chris.
And Amy is married to John.
And Candy has been with Mike now for seven years.
And Terrence, whose wife stayed home.
First of all, hearing your husbands
speak so candidly made you think what?
Natalie?
That was the first time I ever heard
him express the emotion about how hard that was for him.
OPRAH WINFREY: Really?
Yeah, I had never heard him verbalize that.
And was that one of the hardest days for you ever?
By far.
Now, Danine, Ryan told us how smart you were,
and that he thought at one point that you were two steps
ahead of him all the time.
Did you feel like you were playing detective with him?
Yes, I did.
OPRAH WINFREY: And said to him, that's no way to live.
I actually work as an investigator.
So-- [LAUGHTER] I don't miss much.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah.
I don't miss a step.
And his cheating turned you into a crazy person,
I heard you say?
I felt like I was running around in circles
and I felt like I was losing my mind.
You actually caught him in an apartment, but did you
not, cheating? - Yes.
Yeah?
Right after we got married.
Yeah, you did.
It's awful because you get obsessed with looking,
and digging, and searching.
And then once you're right, it just
motivates you to keep looking, and keep
digging, and keep searching.
And there's no end to it.
OPRAH WINFREY: Uh-huh.
Now, Amy, how are you today?
Because you just found out when?
I-- it was one of those days I'll have in my head like
my kid's birthdays, January 13.
OPRAH WINFREY: This year?
Yes.
OPRAH WINFREY: But what you found out
was about an affair that had happened--
Five years ago.
Why is this affair that happened five years ago--
AMY: Worse that--
--so devastating to you?
This one was a lot more involved.
OPRAH WINFREY: Uh-huh.
When I first found out, he in a way
tried to make me feel bad.
He said oh, it was nothing.
I read the emails after I found them.
He was upstairs with the kids.
I stormed out of the house, went for a walk, came back.
And when I came back, he said, I know why you're upset.
And it's nothing.
It's no big deal, that kind of speech.
And I said, you've got to be kidding me.
I was like, you don't see--
OK, let me stop you there.
He has said to us that he had no sex with any of these people.
He says he didn't.
But I'm not sure if I'm still willing to believe that.
Because I've read the emails.
Uh-huh.
OPRAH WINFREY: Did the emails indicate some sex happened?
They indicated that something physical happened.
OPRAH WINFREY: OK.
Whether it was touching or something else, I--
whenever I ask him, it's the "I don't remember" card.
It's the--
John's crying.
John, why are you crying?
It's only been since I've been coming
to terms all this that I--
I just-- I'm realizing how much--
how much I really love my wife, and how much I want to--
I'll tell you, let me tell you something to save
yourself a little bit here.
You've got to tell the truth.
You've got to tell--
[APPLAUSE]
You know what?
All of these tears don't mean a damn thing.
They don't mean anything at all.
They mean nothing.
[APPLAUSE]
They mean absolutely nothing.
And you know what?
I don't want you telling me and this audience--
you need to go home and strip yourself clean with the truth
to her.
Because you--
[APPLAUSE]
--you only deserve to be forgiven if you can
acknowledge what you have done.
And you are still playing with her, and playing with yourself,
and playing with the relationship,
and playing with your children because you're
not willing to strip yourself clean.
And the healing can't start until you start with the truth.
Am I not right here?
That is the truth.
[APPLAUSE]
So I don't want you telling us anything you haven't
already shared with her.
Because that should be your private business.
And she should not have to hear whatever
it is in front of all of us.
But that would be the victory for you.
And the reason for this whole, you
know, TV thing, if you would have the courage to do that,
to step up and be a real man--
be a real man and tell her the truth.
And then let whatever happens happen.
[APPLAUSE]
You know, Mary, I was feeling for you
because the person he was having an affair with
was brought into the home.
Correct.
That, to me, is just-- that kind of is searing to me,
it's searing.
So Chris, when you told Mary that we were here,
and we were in this house, what--
Well a, lot of things were brought up.
And I was a raving maniac.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, when you saw your husband,
your husband was very emotional.
Correct.
And that made you feel what?
That, you know, he still cares.
He still cares.
He loves me.
I love him.
And we're going to work it out.
OPRAH WINFREY: Is that right?
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
And now, Anne, did you confront the other woman?
Yes, I did.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah?
Yeah, I--
[APPLAUSE]
It was really quite the experience.
Because when I first found out, I was completely shocked.
I felt I had been living the Cinderella life.
And in one moment, my marriage was over.
Because didn't sense anything?
I had no idea.
I sensed nothing at all.
OPRAH WINFREY: He came to you and told you?
Yeah, it was a complete shock.
And actually, it was like I was losing
my sanity in that moment.
OPRAH WINFREY: Right.
And I remember even thinking about killing her and then
kind of coming to and going, oh my gosh,
I can't believe I'm even capable of having a thought like that,
and immediately bringing it into check,
and actually having to work through,
and think about forgiving.
And then I thought, it can't remain
a mystery to me for the rest of my life
what this woman is like.
But I wanted to see what was this woman like that could come
in after 18 years of marriage and steal
the affections of my husband.
And I was really quite amazed in that meeting with her.
I mean, among other things, I was kind of like, her?
I was expecting a sex goddess.
You know?
And she wasn't what I had envisioned.
So it was good for me to see that.
And--
Actually, may I just stop here?
I think that was one of the best points made of our conversation
with the men.
Because everybody thinks it's going
to be a sex goddess, or somebody who's
going to look better than me.
And it's funny you say that.
Because she keeps saying her, her, her.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah. - Her, her.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah.
She didn't mention one time him.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah. - You know?
And this is what a lot of women do who
are married to men such as--
like what we have done. not that we're bad men.
We just did a bad thing.
They blame the woman more than they blame the man.
[APPLAUSE] OPRAH WINFREY: Yep.
We manipulate the situation for her to blame the woman.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah.
I think Terrence's point is very well-taken.
It's your husband out cheating, and you didn't go for him.
Yeah, you know what?
I thought about that a lot.
And I'm far enough now that I know the reason why
is because I loved my husband.
Exactly.
So it was easy to direct all my anger and all my pain
towards a stranger and an enemy that I didn't know.
Because I couldn't make the mental transition of seeing
the man that I loved and adored as my enemy in a second
just like that.
Wow, that's really brilliant.
Candy, did anything Mike say reveal anything
to you in that interview?
How did you feel watching him?
He wasn't totally honest. OPRAH WINFREY: He wasn't honest.
OK.
And it's disheartening.
It's disheartening.
OPRAH WINFREY: It's disheartening.
Yeah, to see.
Do you agree with what I was saying
earlier, that until you're honest, there's nothing?
Oh, I totally agree.
And I've told him that.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah, so what are you going to do?
I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do.
There's been second, and third, and fourth--
how many times can one person find it
within themselves to forgive?
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah.
My response to that is if I've already destroyed the trust
and the faith that she had in the beginning,
anything that I say nowadays just doesn't-- it
doesn't hold any water.
They're words.
- There's nothing. - They're words.
And what is there-- what is there to--
OPRAH WINFREY: Would you say-- would you agree with me?
Would you agree-- I don't whether you
agree or don't agree.
But have you stripped yourself naked, down to the--
I've told her everything that ever happened.
OPRAH WINFREY: You told her everything?
I just recently found out Saturday--
OPRAH WINFREY: Something else?
--that it's continued.
Yes. [GROANS]
So--
OK, well, this is going to be one hell of an after-show.
I can't wait.
[LAUGHTER]