Hey guys, it's Jamie Scrimgeour! Today I want to talk about life as a stepmom.
Everyday I tell stepmoms that there really is no one-size-fits-all approach to mastering stepfamily life
What works for one-step family may not work for another. Everyone has a unique family dynamic
However, that being said, I really do feel like there are five rules that every stepmom should abide by, no matter what their step-family dynamic.
Any today, I'm going to share them with you!
Number one, before you start parenting your stepchildren you need to build a relationship
and even a friendship. There needs to be a foundation of trust and respect before you can expect them to trust you as a parental figure.
Until you have that foundation take a back seat in the parenting department and just support your husband behind-the-scenes.
Number two is empathy
and this is huge in all areas of life, but especially
important when it comes to stepfamily dynamics.
When you're in the midst of stepfamily stressors or even when you're just going about your day-to-day
take a step back and honestly think about how your stepchildren may be perceiving things...
think about how your husband's ex-wife perceives the situation.
You don't have to agree with the way they're seeing the world
But taking the time to consider what their perspective may be, can make the world of difference
Number three, treat your stepchildren's mom with RESPECT. Even if you don't respect her... even if you can't stand the lady....
Even if she treats you like crap and doesn't respect you one bit, please just treat her with respect
She is an extension of them and treating her with respect means that you're treating them with respect
Honestly guys, the way I see it your relationship with your husband's ex-wife should be one of two things.
One, respectful and cordial or non-existant.
If your husband and his ex-wife are getting into an argument
Don't get involved. Your involvement probably isn't gonna make things better,
so just be a support behind-the-scenes
Number four, it's not a competition
There's enough room for everyone in these kids lives. You can never be loved by too many people.
Number five, pick your battles. There will be times when you and their mom disagree....
There will be times when you don't respect how she's going about something ....
there will be times when you have blips in your co-parenting road
There will be times that are really freaking challenging... co-parenting is tough
It's not easy. But, before you engage in any type of conversation about the conflict
I encourage you to ask yourself, "Does this really matter??"
I love the 5-5-5 rule. It has been a huge game-changer for me in my stepfamily life and in life in general.
Before I get upset about something I asked myself
"Will this matter in five minutes? Will this matter in five days? Will this matter in five years?"
And then I react accordingly. it is crazy. how asking yourself those questions
can really help put things into perspective.
The one question that I often ask myself is "what do I want my children and stepchildren to remember about their childhood?"
I encourage you to ask yourself that question as well,
because my answer to that question has really shaped the way I parent and step-parent our kids.
There you have it guys, the five rules that I think that every stepmom should abide by no matter what their stepfamily situation.
As always don't forget to like comment and share, and I will see you in the next video. Bye!