Gary Vaynerchuk seemingly has a superpower.
In addition to being a very successful investor in entrepreneur,
he seems to have the ability to say almost anything he wants and have people love him for it.
Take Seth Godin for example who halfway through a conversation when Gary says this —
Seth: "Zing used to say you can be a meaningful—" Gary: "And Zang said, when you accept Godin, you can get away with it."
Seth: Has anyone ever walked out on your show? Gary: Yes.
Because I could go second.
And in just a few minutes after that...
...wait, you guys know economic utility.
Well, that's a whole different conversation.
But that's the conversation I'm trying to have and you keep interrupting.
And yet, twelve minutes later, all is forgiven.
...but I'm super cool with it. [Laughs]
Gary: Listen, Seth, I'm super pumped you're on the show, man. Seth: It's a pleasure. How can people find you online?
In every interview I've seen with Gary Vee,
he does one or two things that seem to infuriate his guests.
The first is he interrupts them.
You started trading at 12. Why?
I caddied, uh... I caddied—
A fancy place?
It was a fancy place for many—
[Gary interrupting again] ...and they were talking?
I'll tell you.
And Ray Dalio is visibly frustrated by it as viewers can see.
But at the end, he's smiling and enjoying himself.
Gary: Ray, this has been super enjoyable. Ray: It's been a blast for me too.
And the second is that Gary will say things that he knows you aren't going to like.
Yeah, I mean, you guys know where I sit on this one. I won't meditate, I don't need to see psychics, I'm—
Whoah-whoah-whoah-whoah. It's not okay to put those two in the same sentence.
Yet, Gary is incredibly popular
both among successful entrepreneurs like Seth Godin, Tim Ferriss, and Tony Robbins and his million-plus fans.
So the question is — what does Gary do that makes it almost impossible for people to stay mad at him
even when he's interrupting or offending them
and what steps can you take in your own life so that people will think highly of you even if you inadvertently tick them off?
Let's start by watching that first Seth Godin clip play out.
Seth: Has anyone ever walked out on your show? Gary: Yes.
Bercause I could go second.
[Gary laughs]
I have something important to add here; you're heckling me.
I'm sorry. I am. You know what? I'm just happy you're here.
He puts his arm around Seth in a big gesture of friendliness; here's another.
...science is one of the coolest things that's ever happened to mankind. It's not—
Gary: I hate science. Seth: It's not... It's not—
Seth, I'm telling the truth about this. I mean, I hate to disappoint you.
As soon as he senses Seth is going beyond friendly jokes to actual frustration, he reaches out and touches him.
This is hugely important because touch builds connection, trust, and it can be used to communicate non-verbally.
And Gary does this with everyone from employees to celebrities.
That Tony Robbins clip is within one minute of starting the video.
Gary touches early and often and especially
when he senses that he's pushed someone to the point of aggravation.
The second thing Gary does incredibly well is compliment people.
Here he is introducing Seth; notice the touch and the compliment.
I feel very, very honored for you to be here on the show, Seth.
Please, please tell the one person in the Vaynernation
who's watching this right now who doesn't know who you are in 47 seconds.
How would you like to say hello?
Gary also likes to mix his compliments in with humor
to come across as genuine without any hint of sucking up.
He did it in that last clip by mentioning that one person in Vaynernation who doesn't know Seth
and here is with Tony Robbins delivering a big compliment
then immediately making Tony laugh.
...I mean I don't really even know what else to say — legend in the room...
And you know what? I really like Tony and I'll just get right into it.
Thank God for your documentary because people realized that you cursed
and that gave me the air cover, "Oh, Gary, it's okay that you curse now,"
and I'm like, "Wew!" Thank God.
So early in the conversation, he's creating a feeling of positivity
and warmth through touch, compliments, and humor.
This is really helpful when he does slip up and do something to aggravate Seth
because his use of humor and touch immediately diffused the situation
and calls back to those times earlier in the interaction when he built up positive good well.
This is the value of an amazing first impression —
even when you are less than perfect in later instances, you're going to
get the benefit of the doubt because of that first impression you made.
In those clips, Gary is actually creating two of the four emotions that lead to consistently amazing first impressions.
If you're curious what the other two emotions are,
we've set up a video on all four emotions and the order you should aim to trigger them in.
If you want to see that video and start using them today,
you can click the link in the description, submit your email, and we'll automatically send you the video.
It's also worth noting that in Gary's case, he doesn't limit those compliments to just celebrities.
He's nice to his fans and employees as well.
Hey, you two. This is Colin — very handsome and very smart.
...saw that coming from the... Did you pick that?
Yeah.
She's really good like that. So I'll leave it for that.
There's a third thing about Gary that makes people much more likely to forgive him for things — he's consistently authentic.
Gary is a known quantity — fast-talking, crazy high-energy, blunt, and honest whether you like what he's saying or not.
I think that the Vaynernation thinks they're hustling and straight to your face like at 99.9% if you are not.
Some YouTubers might get hated on for calling out their viewers like that.
But if you follow Gary enough to be watching, then you already know
that Gary is willing to say something you might not like if he thinks it's the truth.
So when he says something you don't like or interrupts or drops a bunch of f-bombs
someone might get momentarily bothered but they don't really get mad at him
because they expect it. Often in life, it isn't actually circumstances that dictate
your reaction; its how reality matches or clashes with your expectations.
So when he tell Seth Godin that he buckets meditation with psychics,
it initially aggravates Seth but Seth very quickly lets it go and he doesn't stew on it.
What else can you expect? It's just Gary being Gary.
It's also worth mentioning here that that persona of
I-say-what-I'm-thinking-and-I-don't-care-what-you-think-about-that gives him a bit of that Tyler Durden Fight Club appeal.
Let me tell you something about complaining and crying
that's really really gonna hurt for all you complainers out there —
nobody gives a s***.
For some people, just the fact that he seems so real is why they like Gary Vee.
They admire him not necessarily for what he's saying in that moment
but for the simple fact that he never changes his personality to fit into a situation.
He's always himself, even if it means saying something you might not like
swearing or insulting you to your face.
It isn't that there's magic to acting like that; it's that there's an appeal
in always fully being who you are and not caring what people think purely because
a lot of us also crave to put down the weight of caring what other people think.
Now in isolation this is the exact thing that has the potential to make him dislikeable.
Babin here is all bent out of shape. He just said, "Today is rough."
To be very frank with you, Vaynernation, I don't give a f***
if Tyler or you think today was rough because I had 17 meetings
that he couldn't be a part of because I'm actually running a f***ng business here.
I'm not from some f***ing teenage beanie Bopper trying to do a vlog or some "influencer" doing a blog.
If that were how he treated his cameraman all the time, it wouldn't work.
Yes, part of his personality is to be incredibly blunt
but it's mixed with a personality of humor, physical warmth, and kindness.
If you watch Gary, you get the sense that he really does mean well and want to look out for people.
Here he is talking to the same guy in a different video.
...looking at Babin right now who I love so much who's now in my heart and family.
Do I want him to be with me and with me forever? Yes.
Do I see a scenario where tomorrow or seven years from now, you may want to go do something else? Sure.
But does that mean that it's, like, done-and-see-ya? Absolutely not.
And because of how blunt and honest he is in giving negative feedback about something,
people trust that Gary's being genuine when he's being positive.
So when he says he doesn't give a f***, he means it.
And when he says you're a family and he's got your back, he means it.
That's a big part of what makes people willing to overlook his potentially aggravating moments.
He comes from a place of love and tries to help people.
Here's a great example of Gary sitting down with someone
and saying some stuff that could really infuriate him.
Do you know that if the 1973 version of you is sitting there, I'll punch you in the f***ing mouth?
Hey, no. Listen, this is back to do-you-know-yourself- or-do you-aspire-to-be-something-you-might-actually-not-be.
...don't even worry... don't even think of it. You're not even close to that
because you don't have the money to like really build a team.
Good. Let me give you a real good answer; I got a feel for you right now.
You need to work on You before you worry about a team. I mean you got to get your s*** together.
But that's not the whole interaction; he also gives the guy a lot of extremely
specific advice to help him be successful and he lets a 10-minute meeting run
to almost 20 minutes just so he can help the guy more.
And at the end, Gary gives the guy a path to what he ultimately said he wanted from the meeting.
...give me enough date in 30 days. I mean I'm dead serious.
You came in here and said, "I'd like to start the process of a relationship."
Ideas are s***. Execution is the game, right?
Email me in 30 days. Either you're gonna email me in 30 days and say, "Look what I did," or what you're gonna do is not email me.
You got it, brother.
And when he thinks it's warranted, he's also quick to apologize.
Seth: He was my friend. Gary: I'm sure. I apologize.
But I really wanted to use this medium to publicly apologize to you.
This is something I've done to you personally a lot of times.
And that's how he does it. He may frustrate you by interrupting you
or by saying something you don't like but ultimately, people continue to love him
because he's a happy, charismatic, and kind person
with the intention to give a ton of value to other people.
And that is a winning formula you can steal.
Thank you so much for watching.
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