Hi, I'm Nicholeen Peck, I teach all about communications, parenting, and people learning
self-government. In this video, we're gonna be talking about how to validate children's
feelings. When I teach about self-government people assumed that I don't care about feelings
and that cannot be further from the truth. In fact, you can't even be a human without
feeling. They're an important part of who we are and our children feel some things very
acutely. It's important that we understand how they validate their feelings but also
how to help them understand how to not have their feelings take over everything else.
So, when I teach self-government I help them learn the skills that they need to make sure
that they keep their feelings and their emotions in check. But also if done well parents will
help their children understand that they get it. They know what they're going through and
they care and they want to help. In this video, I will be sharing four things that parents
can do to help validate their children's feelings. This first tip may actually surprise you but
it is really important. In fact, of all the things that I'm gonna talk about in this video,
this might be the most important. So, the first thing that parents can do to validate
their feelings for their children is to make good eye contact. You should be looking at
your children in the eyes. Parents do not think of doing this enough. We're managing
so many things and sometimes we just get a little bit focused on everything else that's
going on. Even though the tops of their heads and their backpacks and the things that they
need. We don't necessarily really look into their eyes, into their hearts, and try to
really feel where they're really coming from. When a person is trying to learn self-government
and they're teaching another person self-government. Like I talk about in the teach self-government
parenting program. It is vital that there is good bonding, united relations, and deep
open communication. When a person is correcting problems with their children there should
be more communication not less. Now, this doesn't mean we should be dumping emotional
baggage out all the time. That's not what I'm talking about here. A person's feelings
can be validated and understood without having them spiral to an emotional downward trend
that's gonna help them in the end. So, look in their eyes when you're instructing them.
Look in their eyes when they're telling you some things that they need to share about
their feelings and look at their eyes when you're praising them and correcting them too.
Make good contact with your children and they will know that you care no matter what is
happening. Whether you correct them or whether tell them what a great job they did. My second
tip is to talk when it isn't the time when they're having that feeling. Every time has
the time when they're feeling that acute feeling or that frustration. Maybe anger, sadness
loss, something like that. But then there's the other times when they just feel content,
peaceful, easy-going, like everything okay. During the time when everything feels okay.
Those are the best times to discuss what to do when we have a time when things don't feel
okay. Before I get to these next tips which include really valuable skills that you can
use to help validate your children subscribe to this channel. There are so many videos
that come out to this channel every single day that teach different skills the children
and parents need for happiness and success, subscribe now. Tip number three is to plan
for correction. I know it doesn't seem that correction should be part of validation but
it actually can be. In fact, many times it should be. So, when your child is feeling
something then plan on when you're going to correct them. Because maybe the emotion is
getting out of control to first decide to say, "I know that this is what you're feeling",
or, "I can tell that you're feeling something. I wanna know what that is but we need to choose
to be calm first." Also, help your children know the steps that you will go through when
you correct them after that statement. They need to know every word that you're going
to say. This will decrease their anxiety which will make it so that they feel less worried,
stress, or fearful in upcoming situations. Oftentimes, our children don't share their
feelings with us because they don't know what's coming. They don't know what to share. But
if we plan ahead of time for how we are going to correct them. How we are going to prepare
them and yeah them. How we are going to instruct them and they know all of these skills that
prepare them for success. There are key skills that they can learn like how to follow instructions,
how to accept no answers and criticism, how to accept consequences, and how to disagree
appropriately. They can so know all the steps that you will use in your parenting skills.
These are all skills that I teach in further detail in my teaching self-government parenting
course. So, you can find more information there on some of those skills. Tip number
four is to describe. So, the opposite of reacting is to be proactive. So, if a person is proactive
and what that means is they describe what's happening. They are prepared to take a look
at the situation instead of reacting to the situation. When your child is feeling something.
They needed to discuss with you about something they're experiencing. Don't overreact, that
is important. If you are reacting in an emotional way to something that their feeling. Then
that might decrease their confidence and make them think that this is worst than it is.
That they might now be able to handle it and so then they can have a meltdown. Instead
of just expressing a feeling to you. In your plan I hope that you discuss how your child
will explain what they feel to you that they say, "Mom, can I talk to you about something?
Right now, I am feeling this. What should I do? Can you help me sort our this problem?".
This is a perfect way to discuss with you that feeling and it opens the door to descriptions.
So, you can describe what you see that they're feeling and what they should be doing. Then
you can even practice with them the right way to handle this feeling so that it doesn't
haveing to overtake their abilities to think and act and connect with the other people
around them. We all have feelings. We experience feelings all throughout our day. We have feelings
that are connected to everything and everyone around us. So, they are important to discuss.
Sometimes they can be debilitating though. Sometimes our feeling can even trap us and
lead us to the things that we wish we wouldn't do. If you would want to learn more about
how to handle feelings I have a class for you. This class is completely free and it's
called the expectation trap vs the cycle for success. If you click on the link now to that
video you will learn how to stop yourself from getting stuck in the trap. It will help
your children too. Also, be able to recognize the key things that they can change in their
mind so that they cant get stuck being trapped by their emotions any longer. In order to
feel understood we have to be able to share our feelings. But we got to do it in a way
that's productive. If we don't share in ways that's productive and the whole family gets
trapped. Click on the link for the expectation trap class now.