- [Narrator] Number one, they try to maintain the advantage.
Are you familiar with the term gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation
that makes you not trust your own emotions.
Gaslighters make you question your judgment
by dismissing, downplaying or questioning your needs.
Here's what it looks like.
I only did it because I love you.
Using love as an excuse.
I didn't cheat, you're imagining things.
Deflecting, these are just a few examples of gaslighting
but it can also appear in the form of punishment,
isolation, and narcissism.
It's a well-worn tactic used to maintain an advantage.
Toxic relationships revolve around maintaining
the upper hand through various tactics.
Yet another is called probing,
asking you seemingly innocuous questions
about you and your life.
Typically they appear vulnerable
and encouraged you to be vulnerable with them,
making you feel special from the rest.
However, later on, they weaponize your insecurities
against you to get you to do what they want.
An emotional manipulator may try to get an advantage
by keeping arguments and discussions on their turf,
an emotional or intellectual turf, something they know well.
In doing so they retained an advantage
in the power dynamic of your relationship.
Number two, they alter facts or shall we say lying?
Yeah, we all lie.
But what matters about the lie
you just told is the intention.
Typically, emotional manipulators have bad intentions.
Hence, they might resort to lying and exaggerating an event
or minimizing their role in a conflict
to appear vulnerable to gain your sympathy.
Though it's not advisable
to always approach people with such cynicism,
you should be wary of those you feel
are trying to take advantage of you.
Number three, they undermine your intelligence.
I wouldn't expect you to know this, but.
This might be over your head.
I'll explain it again really slowly this time.
These snippets sound familiar?
Another sign of toxic behavior
is when someone undermines your intelligence.
Another great example is mansplaining.
Whether they deliberately intended to question
your intelligence or not, the feeling of being treated
as though your thoughts are not good enough is hurtful.
Also, a toxic person is one who usually
undermines your intelligence by overwhelming you
with jargon to impose
their own intelligence upon you, yikes.
Number four, they assassinate your character.
Do you know anyone who always gossips
about others all the time?
There's a high chance that they might do that to you too.
According to Merriam-Webster,
character assassination is the slandering of a person
to destroy the public's confidence in that person.
An emotionally abusive person
resorts to character assassination
to make you depend and rely on them more.
They'll divulge personal information
about you to others and feign innocence if accused.
Number five, they make you feel bad
for voicing your concerns.
Has this person ever made you feel guilty
for voicing your concerns?
In a healthy relationship, you should never feel bad
for expressing your concerns or needs.
Relationships are not one sided.
A notable characteristic of this behavior
is trying to diminish or downplay your concerns.
The other person may react aggressively
or try to make you feel guilty
whenever you voice your concerns
by using well-placed questions or suggestions.
Number six, they diminish your problems
and play up their own.
A fine example of toxic positivity
that certainly plays a role in such relationships.
Someone who seeks to manipulate you emotionally
will try to undermine your emotions
to make there seem humongous in comparison.
By using phrases such as, oh, you think that's bad.
It's nothing compared to what I experienced.
They manipulate you to think of their problems only.
The common thread in these examples
is that they shift the focus away from you
and onto them, signaling that their experience
and emotions are a priority.
You're left with little choice but to sympathize with them
and put your concerns firmly on the shelf.
And number seven, they act like a martyr.
What is martyr complex?
A martyr complex is a destructive pattern of behavior
in which a person habitually seeks out suffering
or persecution because it either feeds their need
or desire to avoid responsibility.
Has anyone ever complained and whined
in a way that elicits pity so that you may
eventually take on their responsibilities
or end up cutting them way too much slack?
Such behavior is toxic
and successfully erodes relationships.
A martyr complex harms relationships
because it removes responsibility from one person
onto another, thus creating an imbalance.
Deep down they believe that others are responsible
for their unhappiness and hardships, not them.
Over time, their behavior can make you
feel overwhelmed and emotionally compromised.
While chances of them feeling guilty
or ashamed are slim, if any.
Setting boundaries will help you move on
from such a relationship,
it will help you prioritize your needs
and focus on your growth and betterment,
which might require you to leave behind relationships
that did not, nor will serve you in the future.
But often you might find such toxicity
coming from those who you cannot simply walk away from.
In that case, once identified,
there are many ways to handle such toxic behavior.
One, is take accountability for your actions.
Two, set boundaries and three,
try not to engage by one-upping them.
These are some useful ways of minimizing the damage.
Most of the time, you will not get an apology
but you can apologize for your part.
If you relate to the toxic behaviors and realize
that you've hurt someone else, acknowledge the mistakes
and apologize, don't be too hard on yourself though.
To better yourself, identifying and understanding
the reason why you might have these behaviors
is a good place to start.
Lastly, if you find yourself too entangled
with someone toxic in your life, seek the help
of a licensed professional for assistance and guidance.
Best of luck with your future relationships and take care.
Do any of these describe your experience?
Leave a comment down below
about your encounters with them if you'd like
please feel free to share any thoughts you have as well.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like button and share it with those
out there using, or being subjected to these phrases.
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As always, thanks for watching.