- Have you ever struggled to connect with someone
who seemed vastly different from you?
Or maybe with someone
who you thought was pretty similar to you?
Maybe you just couldn't understand
why they thought or acted the way they did.
Maybe you thought you said and did all the right things
but they gave you the brush off.
Not good folks. (laughs)
The good news is that by understanding the 16 personalities,
you can learn how to build stronger
and more meaningful relationships
with people from all walks of life.
In this video, we'll go over tips
for making friends with each personality type,
wanna make friends with an ISTP?
Boom, I got you covered.
Wanna make friends with an INTJ?
No probalo.
A couple of points first.
This video presumes that the individual
with whom you are trying to become friends
is not a complete stranger.
Someone you've at least met.
We're not cold approaching here.
Now one good general way to make friends
is to find people with similar interests.
You're watching this video.
So unless you click by accident
you're probably interested in MBTI.
And if you clicked on this by accident
give me a big thumbs up.
But anyways, if you become a member of the channel,
you'll get exclusive access
to my members only Discord server
where you can chat with other FJ viewers.
It is a small but growing community.
And if you're interested, have an extra five bucks to spend
and wanna support the channel,
consider hitting the join button or going to infj.me/join.
But despite that URL, it's not limited just to INFJs.
I just didn't want to buy 16 different links shorteners,
you get the point.
Let's get started in ha.
let's get it started in.
Oh copyright strike, ah.
Okay, with ESTPs the best thing you can do
to get close to them and make friends is just be upfront.
ESTPs aren't interested in reading between the lines
of social interactions.
So if you approach them
with some vague small talk and awkwardly hang around them
hoping to become BFFs one day,
they're gonna be annoyed with you.
It may take a little confidence, a little chutzpah,
if you will,
but just be casual and upfront and specific.
ESTPs like to hear reasons
not just we should be friends just 'cause
like, hey, Julio we've been working together
at this cheese factory for six months now
and I feel like we can be good buddies.
Let's get coffee for one day after work.
We both like curling.
We can chat about the upcoming curling championships.
Man, I can't get enough of curling.
ESFPs are one of the easier types to get closer to
because they tend to do a lot of things.
This makes it more likely that you'll have at least
one common interest.
So if you see an ESFP doing something that looks fun,
there's a good chance they're willing to let you join in
on the fun with them.
The more the merrier to ESFPs.
One underappreciated trait of ESFPs is
that they can actually be quite good at coaching people
through how to do things.
And they often take pride in showing people the ropes
of something that they themselves enjoy.
So go up to your ESFP acquaintance and be like,
hey, I really like that dance you're doing.
If you have time, would you be willing to show me the steps,
so I can be cool like you?
Whatever it is asking them,
if they can can kind of teach you to do the same thing
can get them excited to go
through that process with you and become friends.
ISTJs, they can feel a little bit difficult to approach
because they can often be reserved
and also because, you know,
you see an ISTJ and you're like, wow, they're really into
I don't know, whatever it is, accounting.
How am I supposed to find an entryway
into conversation with this person?
Why do I want to be their friend?
But there is more to the surface of ISTJs,
they're just not showing it to everyone.
They often have very particular
and specific interests or hobbies that you might not expect.
Oh wow, I re really didn't expect you
to be an ice fisher, Jim.
They have hobbies and interests just like everyone else.
You just gotta crack their shell a bit
to find out what's going on there.
For example, that ISTJ, you know who like
they're an accountant and that's all you know
of their identity,
they might really love riding motorcycles on the weekends.
Hey dude, you love motorcycles.
I do too.
Let's be friends.
ISFJs.
They're really good at creating this story
of their life and all the things that they care about.
All the things that are special to them.
And part of that story are the specific things
that are tied to that story of their life.
Remember that ISFJs, they're very specific people,
especially when it comes to things, the details.
So once again, just like with the ISTJ, with the ISFJ
you gotta be a bit of a detective.
You gotta pay attention to the clues
about what kind of story does this ISFJ tell to themselves
about their life based on the items around them
like the clothes they wear or, you know,
maybe some accessory that they carry
or I don't know a bumper sticker on their car.
You can approach the ISFJ
and strike up a conversation
about these things that you notice.
For example, hey, your bumper sticker says, you know,
13.1 or whatever a half marathon is.
Are you a runner?
Or do you just really like the number 13.1?
Google.com.
I just Googled Google to get to Google.
How long is a half marathon?
Not in kilometers in miles.
13.1. Boom.
I was correct.
And anyway, just to become friends,
get them telling stories.
Because of their hyper-efficient minds
combined with their preference for routines and schedules
ESTJs can get very offput or even put off
by people who spend too much time wasting time.
Gotta spend time to waste time.
That's what I say.
So to become friends with an ESTJ,
the most important thing is to therefore
not waste their time.
Got it?
I'm glad. (laughs)
Okay, so if you wanna hang out with this ESTJ acquaintance
ask them if they wanna hang out, just get to the point.
Better yet, have a good reason for it.
Sort of similar to the ESTP earlier,
especially if they can help you.
If the ESTJ can be given a task,
a reason for you to get together,
they can help you with something,
that's really gonna hook them
if they have have the time to help you
and they don't think it's gonna be a waste of their time.
What you can do to really impress them though,
is to think through what you wanna say
before you bring it to them.
Don't get into a conversation with them
it's been the entire conversation trying to find out
what your point is.
Have your thoughts ready to go.
Write down some bullet points.
Rehearse it in the mirror if need be.
Be direct, concise and to the point unlike this video.
Now making friends
with an ENTJ can be surprisingly easy
but staying friends with them,
mm, that's the hard part.
Mm, (laughs) staying married to one even harder.
Let me tell you, oh Kevin, cut out that part.
But then leave in that part where I say cut it out
but then also leave in that part where I say
leave it in to cut it out.
But I don't know if you should leave in that last part.
So the struggle with staying friends
with an ENTJ is that they are progress oriented.
They're always working on a project,
they're always planning something.
Or at the very least they're thinking
about how they can make a plan
or make progress towards something.
This is basically what I'm trying to say is because of that
they don't like to keep people around them
who bring no value to the relationship.
Like I know it sounds harsh
but that's the way ENTJs are.
They're not going to keep you around
if it's like this is a one-sided friendship
what do I get out of it?
And I'm not even saying get out of it
like in a utilitarian sense it's like well this person
isn't a good business contact.
No, it's just like, are you a good friend?
That's what everyone wants.
But ENTJs will, they will cut you out
very fast if they're like not, not worth it.
Show interest in what they're interested in,
in their goals, in their hobbies.
Even if it's just like a TV show that they're watching.
All you have to do is express that
and then to show that you care, that you're there for them.
Congratulate them for their accomplishments.
They love that.
Don't give them an excuse to cut you off.
It may seem like ESFJs are difficult to get close to
when you actually approach one in the wild
because they're already surrounded by a lot of people.
ESFJs have lots of friends,
but in reality they're one of the easier types
to become friends with because they're social, shoshal!
The reason why they have a lot of friends
is because they like making friends.
So don't let the amount of friends they have
deter you from being friends with them
because they like friends.
George they like friends, they, they like friends.
So the key here is that because the ESFJs are so social,
because they have so many friends,
you're much more likely to get in with them
if you become friends with all their friends.
It's like a package deal.
It's gonna be tough to become an ESFJ's friend
if you're not also becoming
at least sort of friendly with their friends.
They just like having a bunch of people
around them to share the fun with.
Now ENFJs are the other very social type,
almost to their own detriment at times.
You see ENFJs have a hard time saying no
especially to people who seem like they need some help,
they need some cheering up,
they're going through a tough time.
Oh, I gotta be there for them.
ENFJs, they just have such big hearts.
This can lead to them having a lot of friends
that the ENFJ cares a lot about.
The problem is that this is just very taxing on ENFJs.
Even though an ENFJ genuinely wants to help,
their huge group of 4,000 friends,
they will oftentimes avoid all those people if possible,
if they just feel like, oh, this is too draining.
I don't wanna see any of these people
because they feel that obligation if they get in contact
with these people to then spend all that energy
to help them out.
So the real secret to getting close to an ENFJ
is no secret really,
just don't be taxing to their emotional battery.
They're already using so much of that energy elsewhere.
And if you can be someone who is laid back
and not emotionally needy
and maybe even someone who can help them,
someone they can spend time without worrying
about your emotions,
the ENFJ is gonna find you very refreshing to be around.
ISFPs are a type that see beauty
in the moment while also living in it.
They're able to stop and smell the roses
without really stopping.
They're just, they go, they're going through all the roses
and smelling them and enjoying it.
And I didn't think through this illustration.
because of this,
ISFPs appreciate friends who can do a little bit
of both of those things with them.
You can smell the roses, you can stop and smell them
but you can go from flower to flower spontaneously.
All right, ISFPs wanna be around the kind of people
who are happy to stay and work on, I don't know,
an art project one day and then the next day go
on a 10-mile bike ride with them.
Savor that time while you're doing that thing,
but don't get attached to it,
because tomorrow, that was yesterday.
Don't be afraid to just approach an ISFP
if you can catch them in the act of doing something
they like and ask them a question about it.
With ISFPs, there's a good chance they will invite you
to try it with them if you're brave enough.
Like, hey, Ricardo looks like you're getting ready
to jump off that. (laughs)
Looks like you're ready
to go bungee jumping off of that bridge, can I try it?
INFPs are a bit reclusive and emotionally withdrawn
with strangers so they can be difficult to know
or even read at first, or even at second or third.
They can be very difficult to read all the time.
This is because they feel things very strongly
but they're also hesitant to express those raw emotions
to others because they really don't wanna be criticized.
It's a little counterintuitive
and I think a lot of people get messed up
or mistaken about this because INFPs,
they feel very strongly same for ISFPs.
They feel the most strongly probably of all the types
about anything and probably express it way less
than you would think for a feeling type.
To get closer to an INFP, try to be a good listener
while also being willing to be okay
with their emotional vulnerability and expression.
Basically, don't judge them.
Make sure you acknowledge it.
The worst thing you could do is be dismissive
and they're very sensitive, the INFPs,
so make sure you watch how you phrase your responses
to what they say.
Because even accidental dismissiveness
can hurt your relationship with them them.
So when an INFP says, man, I love chili, the food,
not the country, but I also love the country.
Don't get me wrong.
If you respond in a way like sure
like you're not trying to be a jerk or anything
but you're also not like really engaging
with that level of emotion that they're putting into this.
They're gonna be like, well this person hates me now.
This one's tricky To get closer to an ISTP
you wanna be able to match their laid back energy
while also not being afraid to let loose
and go crazy sometimes.
With ISTPs, they're kind of skittish
about getting close to people.
In a lot of ways just doesn't interest them
to like spend a lot of mental energy on friendships.
I mean ISTPs, they're focused on doing stuff
on working on things, on their hobbies, on their work,
on all the ideas that they have.
They don't, it's like the emotional stuff becoming friends.
That's like a big distraction from what I really care about.
So the thing with ISTPs is, and it could be a slow process,
is to bring something new to their life
that is related to the stuff
that they're interested in already.
So it's like, Hey Giovanni, you seem like a smart guy.
I know you know a lot about history and science and such.
I'm part of a trivia league.
I can send you an invitation to join.
Maybe you know, you could have some fun with that
and then you'll be able to connect with them
about that new thing that you introduced them to.
INTPs are an interesting type to get close to
because they're a mix of intellectualism and creativity.
They don't wanna be stuck in the tried and true.
So they really appreciate a friend who can either come up
with novel ideas or who is willing to tag along
with their ideas.
To get closer to an INTP,
be someone who isn't afraid to take an intellectual risk
or try out a random idea just for the heck of it.
If you want an easy conversation starter,
almost anything that begins with what if
can get in an INTP's brain going.
What if everyone on the planet could suddenly fly?
Oh my gosh, let's talk about that and be friends.
You'd be surprised how much an INTP
can talk off of one question.
What ENTPs often appreciate
in other people is the ability to hold a conversation
at their level.
In whatever topic is of particular interest to them.
They wanna make sure that you can keep up.
One minute they'll be talking about artificial intelligence
and then in the next moment
they'll be talking about their favorite ice cream flavor
and which ice cream flavor would win in a rap battle.
To a lot of people, this could be difficult to follow
but for ENTPs it's fun to just take a conversation
this way and that, it's unpredictable.
You don't know what's gonna happen next.
Initially, you might think, oh,
this person is just all over the place
'cause they're trying to troll me.
I know that's just how they are.
Just go with it.
Be open.
Always say yes, and.
Yes, I see where you were taking the conversation,
and here's how I can add to that
or even take it in another direction.
Now ENFPs, they're all about the vibe.
No, not the vibe or phone,
but you can be successful, attractive, cool, rich,
all that cool stuff,
but if you don't mesh with the vibe of their preference
then you are not gonna be able to get close to them ever.
And this can be a little tricky
because every ENFP's vibe is different.
Even though they're all the same type.
You can have a hundred ENFPs
and they all have the awareness of the vibe.
They all have the particular vibe
that they vibe with, right?
But it's not all gonna be the same.
So a good way to make sure that you fit in
to their vibe, not to fail the vibe check,
is to make sure that you're not really standing out
from their social circle that's already established.
So if your particular ENFP that you wanna be friends with
often hangs out with people who are like chill
and laid back and they just wanna like lay video games
and watch TV and you're the person who's like,
hey guy let's go out and do stuff.
They're gonna be like, nah, we are not vibing with you.
The biggest mistake people make when they try to get close
to an INTJ when they try to be buddies
with this type is pressuring them to open up.
INTJs are like turtles.
If you push them too much
or put them in a situation they're not comfortable with,
they're just gonna go right into their shell
and they're gonna wait until you go away.
So what you can do to get closer to them
without carrying them away is, you know, express,
hey man maybe we could hang out sometime, whatever.
But you're not putting pressure on them,
especially if they push back.
If you're like, hey dude,
me and my friends are hanging out, you wanna join us?
And they're like, nah.
Be like, okay, don't push it.
And if you establish contact with this person
you're trying to build that rapport,
and they don't wanna like hang out
or talk at the frequency that you think is good
whether that's every day,
every other day, every week, whatever.
That's okay.
Don't push it.
If you can show that you're not gonna be a friend
who's gonna tax their energy or time,
which is very valuable, precious resource to them,
there is a much higher chance that eventually
they will naturally reach back out to you
when they have the free time.
And once you do have a positive interaction with the INTJ,
then that just feeds into a loop,
and they will be even more likely to reach out again.
So it is a little bit like a snowball.
It might take a while to get it going
but after a while you'll be BFFs.
INFJs are a type that can be pretty hit or miss
when you're trying to get close to them
because while they are often very nice and approachable
like it's not gonna be tough to walk up to an INFJ
and have a nice conversation
even if you've never met them before,
they're also one of the types that's really picky
with whom they spend a lot of time.
Because of the INFJ being so initially friendly
this can lead to very one-sided friendships
where the INFJ is messaged back or talked to people
just because they don't want the other person to feel bad.
Out of a sense of obligation,
they're not even really friendships.
What INFJ is appreciate are people who are like them,
who are very aware of the energy
of social situations and interactions.
If an INFJ is tired or doesn't wanna talk,
it's difficult for them to just be like,
hey, I'm tired, I don't wanna talk.
So when there's someone there,
like you maybe who can read them a bit
and get the hint that they need a break,
they're really gonna appreciate that.
Like if you've been texting them
and suddenly they're just sending you
one or two word responses to your last few texts,
it is time to take a breather.
If you can just feel they are not reciprocating your energy
give them some space, don't take it personally.
It's gonna be a lot easier to become friends with an INFJ
if they can see that you are putting in the effort
to read their emotional state.
Don't put them in a position
where they have to just come out and say it.
Thanks for watching.
And until next time, stay cool and attractive.
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪