- What'd you guys want to hear a rap about?
- [Female in audience] Engineers.
- That feels very kind of covered already.
Very, very thoroughly. (audience laughing)
Maybe we should give other professions
or other words a go. (audience laughing)
- [Female in Audience] HR.
- HR? Oh, we have really are sticking professions.
Are you in HR?
- [Female Audience Member] Yeah.
- What's your...
What's your favorite thing about HR?
- [Female in Audience] Sexual harassment.
- What? Okay. (audience laughing)
I don't think that should be
your favorite thing.
Someone comes in crying, like what's the problem?
I was sexually harassed.
Oh goody, yay! (audience laughing)
More work for me, okay.
Sexual harassment, as part of your job
as a human resources individual, wow.
Don't go work for her company
or do, depending on your taste.
Right, let's come to,
if you're in this kind of triangular section
here I'm carving out, what you want to hear a rap about?
- [Female Audience Member] Money.
Money? Okay, I feels that's actually,
there's so many hip hop songs about money, so no.
You know there's not many hip hop songs about
the impact of sexual harassment in HR in the workplace.
I feel like 25 percent of rap songs are about money.
I don't mind that, it's just like you know,
I feel like if I ever did a rap song about money
it's, you know, like it's not as fun.
So you're welcome to give another one.
- [Male Audience Member] Jousting.
- Okay cool, that's better, thank you.
See if you give a boring suggestion,
I will push you for a better one.
Jousting, I like that.
Jousting, sexual harassment in HR,
let's come to the front of this room here.
What do you want a rap about?
- [Female Audience Member] Pickleball.
- Who said pickleball?
Yeah. Yeah.
Did you know that Jack Cohen who was
on earlier is a pickleball champion?
Yeah, that handsome guy with the gray hair
and the parting, yeah.
Him and his wife, they just won in the 60 to 65,
4.0 division, which is actually quite good.
Right? Yeah.
They were in the 3.5's.
They got up to four and won a gold.
Everyone else here is like,
we've no idea what pickleball is.
I'm a big fan of pickleball.
I played it once and I really enjoyed it.
Because I have very low cardiovascular fitness.
Pickleball. Pickleball, sexual harassment in HR, jousting.
Let's come to the kind of middle to back of the room.
Back of the room, I'll come to you afterwards, but middle.
- [Male Audience Member] Superhero's.
- Okay, Let's pick a specific one.
- [Female Audience Member] Wonder Woman.
- [Male Audience Member] Spiderman.
- So wait, someone over there said something about?
- [Female Audience Member] Wonder Woman.
- Wonder Woman and you said Spider...
These feel very obvious,
can we not go a bit more niche?
- [Male Audience Member] Mascots.
- Mascots aren't superheroes, what?
- [Male Audience Member] Yeah they are.
- "Yeah they are." That's said by someone
who is a mascot.
They're like, it's a hot costume, Chris.
It's a okay, yeah.
Mascot superheroes, I'm happy with that.
And right at the back of the room,
what do I rap about?
It's the final suggestion, so make it good.
- [Female Audience Member] Alright, Your daydream.
- My daydream?
I don't daydream as a person, I'm afraid.
I have a very focused mind.
But I'm keen to know what, when you daydream,
what do you dream of?
- (audience laughs)
- [Female Audience Member] Vacation.
- Vacation, okay.
And your vacation daydream, where would that be to?
- [Male Audience Member] Mars.
- Mars?
No it wouldn't.
Where?
- [Female Audience Member]Tropical Seychelles.
- Tropical Seychelles?
- [Female Audience Member]Seychelles.
- [Crowd] Seychelles.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
Everyone else is like the Seychelles.
Yeah, yeah.
I was just checking in case.
I don't know, maybe they changed their name
in the 24 hours since... Seychelles.
No, okay.
Tropical daydreams of Seychelles.
Mascot superheroes, pickleball, HR sexual harassment,
and jousting.
Cool, those are some great suggestions
and this to close out the show lovely people
of the Comedy and Magic Club,
it's going to be a little freestyle.
I'll stand up for it.
This'll be a freestyle.
So rap, made up on the spot
based entirely on the suggestion
never to be seen again, don't worry,
It won't be anywhere near as atrociously,
embarrassingly bad as you're expecting.
A privately educated middle class
white boy to be.
You can drop that beat my friend, let's do this.
This is quite a high energy beat,
I forgot I brought this one today.
Cool, it's going to be good.
Let's start with yours, it seems a cool start.
♪ Kick ya off, Ya ra-rhymes so thrilling ♪
♪ I'm hittin all the targets, I'm making sure I'm tilting. ♪
♪ A windmills like I'm Don Quixote. ♪
♪ Had a big lance on his donkey, don't he. ♪
♪ You can see me, the words fall out of my mouth. ♪
♪ I challenge any of you mo fo's to my joust. ♪
♪ I've got a big horse, calling it a stallion. ♪
♪ I'm dancing so skillfully like there's a ballet on. ♪
♪ I make sure that my armor protects ♪
♪ my face and my cheeks and my chin and my neck. ♪
♪ I don't want to get a massive wooden splinter. ♪
♪ Tear in my aorta, getting it in ta my carotid vein, ♪
♪ Starts spurting out blood cause the aim of my opponent ♪
♪ is so damn good. ♪
♪ It goes in my neck and I fall off my stallion. ♪
♪ I'm like, oh no I really fell on. ♪
♪ And when I'm dead in the blood. ♪
♪ It's not clean in the mud. ♪
♪ I look up and have a nice day dream. ♪
♪ I'm feeling pain so apply the ointment, ♪
♪ it's topical, and while they heal me, ♪
♪ I'll be thinking of the tropical place ♪
♪ that I can heal well, called the Seychelles. ♪
♪ And then the doctor says, I can't hear well. ♪
♪ Can you make sure you repeat and say, well ♪
♪ I pronounce it correctly. ♪
♪ Seychelles. ♪
♪ Much better than the Zors or Bahamas, I day dream. ♪
♪ Not at night in my pajamas, I do it ♪
♪ when I'm kicking back there on the couch. ♪
♪ My wife looks at me and says, "Chris, you're a slouch." ♪
♪ I can vouch that you are a potato. ♪
♪ I say I've got two tickets and we're gonna go. ♪
♪ She says, "No Chris." ♪
♪ They don't hand to me. ♪
♪ It was a daydream, it means it was a fantasy. ♪
♪ And then we move out to a large sports hall. ♪
♪ We're having a tournament of nice pickleball. ♪
♪ And if you've never learned about it ♪
♪ if it's never taught, let me tell you this. ♪
♪ You get half of a tennis court. ♪
♪ You play laterally. ♪
♪ Not the portrait shape. ♪
♪ You take a tiny net, like a table tennis one ♪
♪ and then you pick up a whiffle ball ♪
♪ and then you go serve. ♪
♪ And you just start out small. ♪
♪ It's going back and forth ♪
♪ it never gets you in trouble. ♪
♪ There's no volley in the seven foot line. ♪
♪ You play doubles. ♪
♪ You got a smash it down from behind the line. ♪
♪ If you play pickleball, you'll enjoy these lines. ♪
♪ You're like, damn he's fine when it comes to the fact. ♪
♪ But if you want a job, if you want to go back ♪
♪ day after day, like it's not your fault ♪
♪ then please never commit any sexual assault ♪
♪ or harassment. ♪
♪ Don't do the things to Sandra, ♪
♪ don't squeeze her on her ass. ♪
♪ You should unhand her let her do her own things ♪
♪ without your pestering. ♪
♪ And keeping your eyes fixed on her chest. ♪
♪ It's so disgusting. ♪
♪ She'll take it near or far. ♪
♪ She'll say, come on Chris we're going in to HR. ♪
♪ Sitting down we're gonna try and mediate ♪
♪ but across the table the lady's like great. ♪
♪ The best part of my job is sending you down. ♪
♪ I'm gonna ask what happened, look at me now. ♪
♪ Did he touch you in appropriately? ♪
♪ She cries and says yes. ♪
♪ And you say yippee, that's the best thing. ♪
♪ Yeah, you know she's hot. ♪
♪ You comment on it like a guy ♪
♪ who was wearing a mascot suit ♪
♪ at USC with the fighting Trojans. ♪
♪ I only learned that because Don McMillan ♪
♪ has spoken about that. ♪
♪ He was on here before. ♪
♪ He was an engineer yes, but I chose to ignore. ♪
♪ And if you took the mascot, like the zero going up there ♪
♪ they could fight, villains be heroes. ♪
♪ Dressing up like Wonder Woman or Superman ♪
♪ they going out to the big sports stadium ♪
♪ and sayin yeah score a field goal with precision ♪
♪ and then rip off that hat and deploy laser vision. ♪
Thank you so much for watching.
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