This is how Avril Lavinge f*cked the game up
AVRIL LAVINGE
AY-VA-ROLL LA-VA-GEE-NEE
Canadian punk rock godess
Yeah, she's Canadian
I feel like a lot of people forget that
So I feel like most of you guys should know the big bomb of a conspiracy theory that left the internet world shook
Trump, who?
Russia, what?
Nope, it's all about Avril
Or shall we say, Melissa?
And for those of you guys who don't know what the hell I'm talking about-
living under rocks is uncomfortable, b. Fix it.
Long story short, Avril is sitting up in heaven watching her look-alike fool everyone like
EHEHHEHE
AHUHUHUH That ain't me bitch
Comparing facial features, birthmarks, smiles
And most people right now are like WOW
OH MY GOD
Hannah is a snake for that. What the fuck's a niggie bruh???
And I'm just sitting her like, BITCH...we been knew
I ain't new to this game
This spots been open
Not only do I know this is true, nor know what a niggie is,
I also have further proof, PROVING the bitch did
Reading in between the lines
So sit back, relax, and prepared to be niggied.
I don't think that's how it works
So this is how Avril Lavinge did the thing with the thing
And the Melissa girl
Yes
So a few years ago...over a decade actually
Now I feel old
Avril - or should I say Melissa? - released her biggest number one hit
A song titled 'Girlfriend'
Something that I'll never have...for reasons...that should be very obvious by now
In this song she says the line
Music: hey! hey! you! you!
Hey, hey. You, you.
Two words. Two times.
Two people. Two girls.
Two worlds. Both worlds.
As in best in both worlds
As in Hannah Montana with a limo out front
Hannah Montana doesn't actually live in Montana, but lives in Malibu.
Miley Cyrus has a new song called Malibu.
Which means, that's right.
Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana knew each other once.
I am a genius.
Oh yeah
In Miley Cyrus's new music video, she is running by the beach with balloons
Balloons rhyme with macaroons
Macaroons are often mistaken as the French "macarons"
French people eat baguettes. And you know who else eats baguettes?
F*ckin Hannah Montana
*sips loudly*
Where was I going with this? OH
Hannah Montana has blonde hair, while Miley has brown.
Avril Lavinge has brown hair, then switches to blonde
"Blonde" is the name of Frank Ocean's album which contains a song called "Nike"
Nike is a brand with the symbol of a check mark
Brand. Brand rhymes with Sam.
As in Sam and Cat.
The weird-ass unneeded spinoff show on Nickolodeon.
Nickelodean. Nickel. A nickel equals five cents.
A quarter is a cent.
Quarter. Twenty-five. 25 is the title of Adele's album
Adele stole the Grammy from Beyonce
Ain't nobody gonna fight me on that one cause you know it's true
Stole. Stole rhymes with pole. Strippers ride on poles.
And you know who else rode on a pole? F*cking Hannah Montana-'s best friend Miley Cyrus
Who had a song Malibu which featured balloons
Balloons rhyme with spoons which rhymes with tombs
Tombs are where they bury the dead
Where Avril Lavinge is lying right now
Avril Lavinge is dead confirmed
But what about the imposter?
Well you see, Avril Lavinge had two eyes.
Two times two equals four. Four divided by two equals two.
Melissa Vahauauwa - however the f*ck you say her name- has two arms
Arms rhymes with farms.
As in FarmVille
FarmVille is a game played by millions
MIllions. El Salvador has six million poeple
Six times one hundred eleven is six six six
Six six six
Illuminati
Illuminati. Illuminin. Illumination.
Illumination studios
MINIONS
The minions live in this house and- *GASP*
*eerie music*
What do I see?
Melissa Valallala is a closeup of the evil minion. Illuminati confirmed
BUT WAIT!
Melissa has probably been to Malibu once, so she probably knew Miley Cyrus
Who knew Hannah Montana
Which means - *GASP*
Melissa Volkswagen is BILLY RAY CYRUS
*eerie music*
I KNEW IT
Sweet niblets? More like dirty lies.
Why am I suddenly craving baguettes?
Imposters have completely taken over the world
They have consumed every corner
Every street
No stone left unturned
Hitler
Stalin
American Dragon Jake Long
Norma Bates
God
Chris Brown
Dumbledore
Tyra Banks
The Devil
Cory Baxter
Hammerhead Sharks
Sid the Sloth -
THE LIST NEVER ENDS
And what can we do to stop it?
We just have to take our woke privilege, and continue to tweet about student loans, avocado toast, and male rompers
Until our millennial problems are solved by Spongebob memes
Oh and vote!
Please vote. Y'all need to vote.
This can't happen one more time one gan and more place. Uh-uh. No, not to God. Not on my watch
Shit, nah