- Hi am Jazzmyne
- I'm Lindsay.
- And I'm Joyce.
- [All] And welcome to our fort!
- So today, we're gonna be talking about our first breakups,
but you know how life is, they can all look super different.
- And we have a special guest that we invited to our fort,
our friend, Sasha.
(bell dings)
(everyone quietly cheers)
- Welcome back to the fort!
- I missed it so much.
- [All] We miss you
- Everybody, give your energy to the ball.
(bell dings)
(everyone cheers)
- [Ball] Summarize your first relationship.
- So I've never been in a textbook relationship.
I used to call them situation ships.
We're just gonna go based off of the one
where I wrote letters to them in high school
and I made it public.
So my situation ship was about a month long.
- All right, so my first relationship was in high school.
It lasted about a month.
It was not serious at all.
We both worked at the movie theater together.
- My first big relationship in high school.
I was 17.
We dated for over a year and a half.
Maybe like one to two years, somewhere in there.
Both closeted, gay.
- I think my first like relationship, relationship
was honestly when I was like 28.
It was, that actually wanted to claim me
as like being with them instead of like,
just treat me like the dirty little secret, you know?
- Right, right, right.
- But that lasted for about two years, one visa,
and a divorce.
- [All] Oh.
- Being a trans woman,
I've been with the guys and girls as well.
I met a, she identifies as a lesbian,
but like very like masculine vibe, like something
that matched me and like, we went crazy
and moved after like a month together.
- Wow
- Got married after like a few.
Yeah, we went in. We were in it.
Like swam, dived in.
- No ninety-day fiancee. Fiancee, like two-day fiancee.
- Yeah.
Yeah, and then she was like working on her visa.
I think we got married more so on the pretense
of like trying to make her stay.
- Right, right, right.
- You know.
- Where you, the dumpee or the dumper?
- I was the dumpee.
I kinda knew it was gonna happen because
I was being very bullied in school.
So I didn't really expect anyone to like me back
and he found me on Facebook
and told me that he didn't like me
- What?
- I never cried about it.
Listen to Adele, chasing pavements, multiple times
the letters were anonymous
and he asked me if I knew who the person was.
So I took it as he knew it was me.
- I mean, for him to like message you.
- [All] Yeah
- I was the dumper.
I was just kinda bored and like things weren't progressing.
I've just been that girl a little,
like I have a crush on somebody go hard for like two weeks
and then I'm out of there.
- I think I was the dumpee.
Yeah. It was the dumpee.
- I'm gonna say I was a dumpee.
She'll say she was the dumpee
- Aah
- Spicy romances
- And we still, like out for debate. Like we're still like,
when she's these, this she's gonna be like,
I need a re battle
- As the dumpee did you see any signs of it coming?
- Yes. I saw not even signs, but it was your typical,
like parents found out a lot of shit was going on. Oh,
when we broke up, they told me they couldn't be with a girl.
And I was like, I've been a girl this whole time.
I've watched you thrive off of me
- As the dumper
what things started to make you think about breaking?
- Me and my best friend at the time,
both worked at the movie theater.
This boy, the boyfriend all had a twin brother
and we dated them together at the exact same in time
and then there was just like a point we were just,
I remember we were just like out for a walk,
me and my best friend and then they're just like,
so how are you feeling about, you know, you and so-and-so
and she was like, I don't know
and I'm like, do you want to break up?
And I was like, I was like, yeah,
like we both were on the same page.
And we both were in losing interest the exact same time,
went to my bedroom that night and we're like, okay, like,
let's text them. Like,
let's break up with them or whatever it was over texted.
Also keeping in mind, like we lived in like the town over,
like we didn't even go to the same high school
and we also barely hung out. It was not serious.
I don't even remember how I did it,
but I was kinda messaged to them like, oh,
I'm kinda thinking we should break up
and at the same time, my friend did it to the other twin
and they're like, are you guys together?
Like what the heck I don't know why didn't I think
this through to do it at different times but we were like,
we're in this together with like the exact same time.
And that's how we did it and they were really upset.
- I remember I was coming home.
This was my senior year.
I was in track and field.
What's the gayest thing I could do throw shot show.
- [Inaudible] laughs
- I threw shot put,
My first year got sixth in state.
- ooh
- Yes. So I was like feeling good,
get a text on the way home from state,
which was about a three hour drive
and I was like devastated a month and a half earlier,
our parents found out.
So we went through this big thing of like, you know,
fighting for our relationship.
A whole bunch of stuff went down for us to be together.
Only for them to like break up with me.
- We were together married, doing the thing,
but I always wanted to come to LA to like pursue
my acting creative dreams
and she wasn't really about that.
So she gave me like an ultimatum after like
we planned on moving and it was like the day of,
and I was like, I'm gonna go.
And then you're gonna come up in like a month
and then she gave me an ultimatum, it was like,
if you go, you're like abandoning me.
But that was her way to like
- Get out
- Go cheat, cheat.
- Wow.
- Sneaky
- Your one of those sneaky mommies
- Hindsight 2020
But I of course moved and like I was here and she was making
me feel miserable the whole time I was here feeling guilty
that was a can July
and then I went back to Orlando to have Christmas
and new year's with her and her family
the whole time she was with somebody.
So I'm like looking a fool at like at Christmas.
- So they knew she was seeing someone else
- They all knew that she was seeing somebody else.
And then I'm walking up in there and they're all looking at
me, not telling me nothing.
So then I was like,
- Oh so the family was,
- I didn't even know anything until new years happened.
- Wow.
And I'm working and she's working at another nightclub.
She was like deejaying then of course.
- Of course its a deejay
- In Florida.
- I came home like after and like,
I was trying to like hung up on her.
Cause we didn't have like our new year's kiss.
and she's like, I kissed somebody else at midnight.
I was a you did what?
and then it was like a whole like screaming,
- She broke up with you
- Like am grabbing all my things.
- [All] She broke up with you
- I was the dumpee
- How long did it take you to get over it?
- I think the trauma stayed, but it took me like,
after that two days I was onto the next one.
- I didn't have a second of mourning not one second.
I was the dumper. Okay.
I was a heartless.
- She's like I was over it before we broke up.
- Oh, I was devastated.
But then I was like going to college on my first night.
Oh yeah. I made out with like three dudes.
- I would say it took me out like a couple of years.
I would've been over it sooner if like that damn divorce.
I can't just like ghost you like,
- Right you actually have to
- You know my mom's number, God
and also like she was the first like person
that actually like wanted to be with me.
- Right
- So I felt vulnerable.
I let a lot of like guards down.
- What would you have done differently
in the breakup had it happened now.
- I think for that second relationship
where he was really sad,
probably could have done it in person,
but at the same time I wouldn't change anything
cause I was living my truth
- [All] mmmmhhhh
I was doing what i felt comfortable doing
- Yeah
- So, you know.
- Maybe I would have like processed better and more.
If I'm knowing myself,
I probably didn't talk to anybody about it
and I wish I would have.
- Well i would have cheat at first?
- All the time everybody wanted me and I said no,
now looking back,
I was so gaslit to think that something was wrong with me.
Like I was like something and like I took that so far.
Like I was taking this trauma thinking that I wasn't gonna
like, I couldn't do it with anybody else.
Like, you know, I'm like a failure
and like, I could have been like easier on myself.
- Honestly I think what anyone should do during a breakup
is to remind themselves who there like one true love is
and that's themselves.
- What are the pros and cons of being the dumper?
I mean, if you were the dumper,
you already kind of have detached feelings.
So you're already mentally prepared yourself
before it even happens. Like that moment happens.
Whereas the dumpee,
obviously you have to process that all randomly.
But I do remember so that I broke up
with both of my one month relationships in high school
and I do remember after the second one feeling
so sh** about it,
I hated putting someone else through like pain from then on.
I always had this mindset of like,
I don't want to get in any relationship unless there's like
actual potential of it.
You know not just like someone, I don't really know that
well only getting into it.
'cause oh my God
I just don't wanna go through a freaking breakup again.
- What are the pros and cons of being the dumpee
- You get to curse them out
and I think the one con is, is that in the moment
I never say what I truly want to say it upfront
and then I dissociate
and then I say bye.
- Con definitely just like not being in control
and being blindsided.
- What advice would you give someone
who's going through a breakup.
- Oh, okay.
So am a PhD at this
- Rap it
- You are
- Oh, okay.
Going through a breakup, you're feeling so sad.
Shake your booty, let the haters be mad.
Talk to your friends and your family
and realize the love
you need is from you big.
[clapping] yes
- Now what I would
and I did this after a breakup a few years ago
where I literally like sat down and wrote out
like, this is what happened in that relationship.
What are the things that I want to change
or kind of like manifest, re situating my standards
and really seeing what I needed to move forward.
- Am an aunt to a lot of nieces and nephews
and I've seen like my nieces,
like get boy crazy in high school
and like fall in love, get pregnant, boy dumping 'em,
all of it you know what I mean?
But the, as much as vice as I want to give to the girls,
like you don't have to burn your hand to know,
not to touch the fire. So have fun.
- Go through the breakup.
- Never had a relationship
- Go through the breakup.
- Rebounded
- Process alone
- Rebound
- Process alone
- Forever single.
- Forever, single.
- Serial monogamous.
- Am a reformed forever single
- Oh baby. Delete it all and I block.
- Delete everything.
- That's so simple
- So hesitant
- No, I save staff.
- Oh, delete you don't even exist.
- So there's one thing about me when you dumped me,
you dump me for life. I cut and run.
- I'm truly in the middle of this.
So I'm gonna say stay friends.
- My emo is cut and running.
But the one that we were talking about the ex-wife is the
one that I'm still friends with.
- Exactly.
- [All] Thanks for coming and hanging out Sasha
- Thank you all.
It such a good time in the fort.
- And if you are currently in a breakup,
you are more loved and appreciated than you'll ever even
know. All right bye .