Yesterday was another big mid-term primary day
in seven states, with the biggest result
happening right here in New York.
TV REPORTER: A Democratic primary surprise shakes up
the 2018 mid-term elections.
28-year-old newcomer Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
shocked the Democratic establishment by defeating
ten-term incumbent New York Congressman Joe Crowley.
She's right here.
-I can't let you go. -Oh, my God!
She's looking at herself on television right now.
Yo, I get it, man, look at that face.
Look at that reaction.
It's exciting.
And I know it's been a tough year for everyone,
so in case you forgot, that face means happy.
That's what that is. Yeah.
And now, some people might wonder why does anybody care
about a congressional primary race in Queens?
Well, first, look at who she beat.
Congressman Joseph Crowley, right.
He's a top-ranking House Democrat
who was expected to one day take over for Nancy Pelosi.
In fact, the Democrats saw him as a young leader
of the next generation because he's only 56, right?
You think this is a joke but it's true.
The rest of the House leadership are all at least 77 years old.
-Yeah. Yeah. -(audience exclaims)
When you ask these people if they've Hamilton, they're like,
"Yeah, we used to hang out all the time.
Yeah, yeah, totally."
And you got to understand, powerful incumbents like this
almost never lose primaries, but it gets even more surprising
when you learn more about the person who beat him,
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
TV REPORTER: 28 years old,
running her first campaign, she's a member
of the Democratic Socialists of America.
TV REPORTER: Until last November,
she was working as a bartender.
Yo, this is so amazing, man.
Not only would she be the youngest female
ever elected to Congress, she'd also be
the first member of Congress that talks like Cardi B.
Like, this is so dope.
She's, like, out there.
I love it and I love that she's proud as well.
(mimics Cardi B): Just be like, "That's right,
we looking for health care, okay?"
(normal voice): Like, can you imagine her up on Capitol Hill
talking to Mitch McConnell? He'll be like,
(mimics McConnell): "I don't think that that's appropriate."
(mimics Cardi B): She'll be like, "Don't tell me
"what you think is appropriate.
"I'm not voting for you or your bullshit.
(trills)"
(cheering and applause)
(normal voice): So, not only would Ocasio-Cortez
be a groundbreaker, but she ran on
a heavily progressive platform that was really popular:
free health care, free college education,
a federal jobs guarantee,
and she wants to abolish ICE.
Like, she's so left... she's so left
that she makes Bernie Sanders look like Mitt Romney.
Like, it's insane.
And that's part of why her victory was such a shock.
Right? She's far left,
she had no support from the Democratic party,
and, unlike her opponent, she had no big money behind her.
Nobody expected her to win,
especially not Crowley,
because he clearly didn't even have
a concession speech planned.
I respect the outcome of this, uh, this election.
Crowley dedicating the Bruce Springsteen hit
"Born to Run" to his opponent.
♪ Baby, we were born to run. ♪
Yo, that's so embarrassing.
No, because, you realize, he was so confident he would win
that he even planned
to perform his own Bruce Springsteen concert.
Then afterwards, he had to pretend
that the song was for his opponent.
He was like, "Yeah, I-I dedicate this song to her.
Okay, my next song also goes out to my opponent."
♪ All I do is win ♪
♪ Win no matter what ♪
♪ Money on my mind ♪
(sobbing)
♪ When I'm in the building ♪
♪ Everybody hands go up ♪
♪ And they stay there ♪
♪ And they say yeah ♪
♪ And they stay... ♪
(cheering and applause)
So, for a few hours this morning,
progressives were like,
"Hey, maybe the future is not as bad as it seems."
And the future was like, "Oh, you don't know me."
Breaking news today, Justice Anthony Kennedy,
the crucial swing vote on the Supreme Court for years,
is retiring, setting the stage
for a fierce battle over the future
of the highest court in all the land.
When Justice Kennedy steps down at the end of next month,
July the 31, the court will be split:
four liberal justices and four conservatives.
President Trump now has the chance
to give conservatives a solid majority,
one that, in theory, could last for many decades.
That's right, people.
Justice Kennedy officially resigned.
And the reason this is so big
is that Kennedy was, without question,
the most powerful justice on the court.
Right, and not just because he can deadlift 650 pounds,
but also because while he was generally conservative,
Kennedy did sometimes vote with liberals, right?
He voted in favor of gay rights,
the women's right to choose and affirmative action.
And he was the deciding vote.
Now Trump will likely replace him
with a justice who would discriminate
and dismantle abortion rights and LGBTQ rights.
And that-that sound you're hearing right now?
That's Mike Pence having his first orgasm. Yeah.
He's like, "I cast you out, semen."
Yeah, and you know what? That's right.
Two jokes about Mike Pence (bleep) in the same show.
The only swing vote on the Supreme Court is gone.
Who cares about anything anymore?
I'm going crazy, people!
-(cheering and applause) -Because remember...
remember, this is going to be
Donald Trump's second Supreme Court pick.
Because in 2016, Mitch McConnell stole
Obama's Supreme Court pick.
And you can hate the fact that Mitch McConnell did it,
but the way he did it was super-slick, right?
He did he that shit Mission: Impossible style.
You know, he was in there, stole the pick, and he was out.
(singing Mission: Impossible theme)
And that's the thing we sometimes forget
about the Republican party.
Although Donald Trump may be a klutz
and he's the Pinky in every situation,
Mitch McConnell is the Brain.
And I know it's sad to think about,
and I know this news
is very painful for a lot of people.
It feels like for the next 30 years,
America is gonna change in a horrible direction.
In some ways, it feels like all hope is dead
and nothing can bring it back.
But my friend Poncho over here is still gonna try.