Heya playa, if you've recently been rejected by someone that you like and you just can't
get over your hurt feelings, don't worry.
I have a solution for you that I think is gonna help you out and I'll share it right
after this.
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos
sharing tips, ideas and stories teaching you how to be your best self so if you want to
learn and grow, hit the subscribe button and make sure to click on the notification bell.
Rejection is one of those topics that we don't really like to think about or talk about because
it brings up bad feelings.
It brings up bad memories and bad moments in our lives.
It brings up a time where we felt inadequate, unloved and uncared for.
You know what I'm talking about, you have these really deep feelings for someone and
you want to just get to know them better and talk to them so when you finally work up the
courage to do so, it doesn't really go anywhere but that doesn't mean your feelings go away.
You're just still sitting with them, not sure what to do with them because that person doesn't
like you back.
Well, one of the most important things I've learned over the years is that if you continue
interacting with your crush the same way that you did before you got rejected then you're
not gonna be able to mentally get over that hurdle and feel like hey, this person doesn't
like me, it's time to move on.
Instead, if you keep talking to them every single day, joking around as if nothing actually
happened, as if they didn't actually turn you down well then you're going to maintain
that level of hope and think, well, even though they rejected me maybe I can change their
mind.
Maybe they just weren't sure or maybe they're just not ready to date me yet.
All hopeful ideas and while they are possible, they're not always practical.
We're just always kind of hoping that our crush is gonna be the one to take the action
step here.
Our crush is going to be the one that's going to limit their interaction with us, they're
gonna talk to us less, they're gonna realize that we have feelings for them and they're
gonna kind of change their behavior based on that.
But the truth of the matter is the change has to come from us.
Think about it from your crush's perspective, before they found out that you liked them
things were normal.
You guys would interact, you'd joke around, you'd talk every so often.
They didn't know how you felt and because of that now that they do know how you feel
they're gonna want things to go right back to the way they were before they found out.
But that's just not how life works.
Things are different now that you put yourself out there and shared your feelings with them.
For your crush, they may want things to go right back to how they were before you've
done them.
But now that they are different, it's important for you to stop reading so much into their
cues.
To stop looking at every action that they take, every word that they say, everything
that they do as a sign that they may be interested in you.
This is a common mistake that a lot of people who are hurt make.
I called it "The Friend Zone Loop".
Basically what it is is that you convince yourself that if you keep flirting, talking
to or just trying to get to know your crush better, even after they've rejected you, eventually
you're going to change their mind so you look for these little cues that they give you.
Maybe they smiled at you, maybe they said hello, maybe they texted you out of the blue.
Those are signs that you're still in the game in your mind so you continuously try for them.
And the major problem here is that when you finally realize that this just isn't working
out for me, this person doesn't like me back boom, that's when the text message pops up
with them saying "hey, how's it going" and now you feel like you're back in the game.
And I don't think people are voluntarily choosing to do this.
I think it's simply because they're not taking the active steps that they need to to kind
of break out of this process to change things up to get over those hurt feelings.
And a major part of that getting over process is to talk about your feelings but to not
make your crush the center of those conversations.
This is something a lot of people do.
When they like someone they're constantly talking to their friends about them not so
much about how they can move on and get over it but how they just didn't understand why
their crush texted them or what happened when their crush looked at them or when's the next
time they can have a conversation with them.
You become so focused on trying to make things work rather than seeing things for what they
are.
And maybe the advice you're getting in your life is kind of split.
Some of your friends are telling you you should still go for it despite getting rejected because
why would they continue talking to you if they didn't like you while your other friends
might be telling you it's not worth your time, it's time to move on, but those tend to be
the friends that we ignore because they don't align with the things that we want.
If your feelings for your crush is constantly the focus of your conversation with your friends,
ask yourself this simple question.
When I talk to them about it am I focusing on proactive solutions that can help me move
forward or am I focusing on understanding confusing behaviors and actions that my crush
takes.
If it's the first one that's good.
It means you're on the road to recovery.
You're looking for ways out of it.
But if it's the second one, that means that you're stuck in this vicious loop, the friend
zone loop and you're not gonna get out of it until you're able to move on.
It's completely normal to stay in that hurt once we get rejected, in a way it's a bit
comforting to know that we feel bad for ourselves.
We're taking care of ourselves by doing that and the idea of moving on and trying something
new and going after new people is scary and foreign and weird to us.
It's just not a comfortable thing to do.
Think about it, how much of your life are you going to dedicate to chasing this one
individual person that you know doesn't like you back?
When you should be out there pursuing other people, getting to know others, meeting with
them, interacting with them, seeing who you click with.
Trust me on this, taking that step back will give you that much deeper sense of clarity
that you're longing for.
Now if you want to learn more about relationships and interactions, you should definitely check
out my book Embracing The Awkward where I go more in depth on how to kind of master
those connections in your life.
And what you should also do is check out the link over here where in this video I kind
of talk more about how to deal with rejection and how to get over a crush that you're obsessed
with.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.