-You also have a wolf tattoo, And you've talked, obviously,
with Lorne Michaels about your tattoos.
-Yeah. He doesn't like them.
Well, he's never said that, but he'll drop, like, hints.
Like one time we were out to eat and he was like,
"So, you got a wolf tattoo?"
And I was like, "Yeah," like, excited about it.
He was like, "Is that because you don't remember
what they look like?"
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
You auditioned for "SNL."
That's obviously something we have in common.
I auditioned sort of doing characters, impressions.
You came from stand-up, so you just straight-up
did stand-up at your audition. How did that come about?
-I didn't know I was auditioning.
I got very lucky and I got a small part in "Trainwreck,"
thanks to Amy Schumer, who's hosting this week.
-There you go. The great Amy Schumer.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh, cool, I always wanted to set up a clap.
-[ Laughs ] -I never did this before.
This is very nice.
So much better than Staten Island Cable.
Anyway...
So, I met Bill Hader, and we had, like --
you know, we had a good time on set.
And then he called me, like, a week later and he's like,
[As Bill Hader] "Hey, buddy. I, uh -- "
[Normal voice] That's my impression of Bill Hader.
He was like, "Hey, buddy, I recommended you to Lorne,
so you got an audition next week."
-Wow. -And I was like, "Oh, thanks."
Like, I didn't know I got -- Yeah.
And then I just did stand-up, and I got very, very lucky.
-And now where were you when you got the call
that you got the job?
-Oh, um, I was -- my girlfriend was doing shows.
in, uh -- where the hell was it? It doesn't matter.
It was in the West Coast. I don't really remember.
I should have prepared. -[ Laughs ]
-You could have, like, a memory of moments --
-Oh, San Francisco. There you go, yeah.
-We're not gonna fact-check it.
-Yeah, no, no. She went -- She was doing shows,
but I wanted to go see the "Full House" house.
-Okay. -And, uh, yeah.
And by the way, not that great. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. -Yeah.
After, like, a five-hour flight and all that cabs
and then you get there and you're like, "Oh, it's a house."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, and they're not there.
-No, they're not.
-They're not there. -And there's no, like, memories
of -- like, laughter is not coming out of the windows.
-No, there's just someone else taking a picture,
like, in front of it. Like, "Oh, one of those guys."
-So you flew to San Francisco. -And I -- Yeah.
And the second I landed, I turned on my phone,
and, like, the second it turned on,
I got a call from NBC and I answered it,
and -- obviously.
I was like, "Oh, no. Later." [ Laughter ]
"Yeah, I'm good."
And I go, "Hello?"
And it's Lorne. And he goes, "Hello?"
And he was like, "Oh, I don't know what to do with you,
but you got the show."
And I was like, "Oh, thanks." And then I was like, "Hello?"
And he was just gone. Yeah, that was it.
And then I went home. I was like,
"I think I got 'SNL.' I'm really not sure.
I think he's already mad at me, too."
-You did a great sketch with The Rock last year...
-Oh, thank you. Yeah. -...where, at one point --
what would you call it?
You're doing a cartwheel -- an inverted cartwheel.
-I cartwheeled into a 69.
-You cartwheeled into a 69 with The Rock.
-Yeah. Hi, Mom. [ Laughter ]
And then what was -- What was that moment like?
-Well, here's the thing.
The whole sketch is, he gets hit by poisonous darts,
and I have to suck out the poison.
-Yeah. -And Kate McKinnon is trying
to get -- suck the poison out first.
So I'm like, "No, I'll do it." [ Laughter ]
And it was just supposed to end with me sucking his chest,
and then Colin Jost comes in the hallway and he goes,
"Hey, buddy, I really like the sketch idea.
How about you cartwheel into a 69?"
[ Laughter ]
And I was like, "We could do that?"
And he was like, "I think so."
And then The Rock goes,
"Hey, buddy, heard we're going to suck each other's [bleep]."
[ Laughter ] "Right on."
I was like, "Alright!" [ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah.
-That's why you guys are friends.
-Yeah, that's what we were cooking up.
Yeah. By the way, The Rock tastes like creatine.
Like, yeah. Yeah. When I went home, I was like,
"Babe, do I look jacked?"
-In an alternate universe --
Obviously, in the universe we live in,
Alec Baldwin plays Donald Trump.
There was -- You auditioned for Donald Trump?
Everyone in the cast auditioned for Donald Trump.
-Yeah, let me just -- Before you show it,
they made us all audition. [ Laughter ]
I -- I wasn't at home, like, "Let's go."
You know what I mean? Like, so, yeah.
-And so -- But there you are. This is a very rare photo.
[ Laughter ]
And how was...
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah. Thank you, everybody.
-How was your Trump? Be honest.
-No, I didn't even -- I was so upset
that I had to do it. It was just -- It was very bad.
-By the way, he's upset that he has to be president,
so that might have --
you could have pulled from that.
-What a [bleep] dork. [ Laughter ]
-You had something very exciting happen this summer.
The Miami Marlins were in town. -Yes.
-They were playing the New York Mets.
There's a player on the Marlins
that people have told you you looked like,
which is Christian Yelich. -Yes.
-There he is right there. -We kind of look alike.
-And you do you -- You look -- I will say, you look more alike
when you're not right next to each other.
-I look like him on crack.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah. Let's be honest. I look terrible.
-Yeah. But you --
So he was in on this, but his teammates were not.
-No. Here's what happened.
So, the guy from the Marlins was like --
we Twittered each other, and he was like,
"Hey, I think we should surprise Christian.
And you know, you dress up as him and, you know,
you go out and stretch with them
and see if he notices." And I was like, "Great."
And I should've known there's a problem,
because when I got to the Mets stadium,
when I got there, I pulled in and I was like,
"Hey, I'm here for, like, the Marlins thing."
And they're like,
"There's no such thing going on right now."
And then I called the guy, I was like,
"Hey, I'm here. What should I do?"
He's like, "I don't know." [ Laughter ]
I was like, "What do you mean you don't know?!"
I was like, "I can't just walk in, you know?"
-Yeah, but you did. We have a video.
This is you coming out on the field during stretches.
-So, this is this is an hour later, by the way.
I came out -- I came out to do stretching,
and I was like, you know, being a jerk,
I was like, "Oh, yeah, by the way, foul tip."
I was very happy with that.
No, they didn't tell anybody and they didn't --
so when I went to stretch with them,
I was trying to be funny
and nobody knew -- like, nobody cared.
And then the strength and conditioning coach goes,
"Hey, son, get the [bleep] off the field!
This is a man's game, son!" [ Laughter ]
And I was like. "Thanks. This was a nice time, you guys.
Thank you so much. Really glad I came here."
-You reflect very badly on the strength and conditioning coach.
-Yeah. Yeah.
-So I've noticed -- I knew you had tattoos before,
but you have a lot more. -Yeah. So, I got lit up.
-When did you up your tattoo game?
-Over the summer.
-So, you pretty much sleeved both arms?
-Yeah. I left the show with no sleeves
and then came back with sleeves.
-And what was the -- Did you just go tattoo-crazy
this summer? -I don't know.
I really like them. They're cool.
-Okay. -Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. I like them.
-That's good. Do you have -- are they cool things?
Do you have cool things? -I have my dad's helmet.
I have, like, a bunch of Harry Potter crap.
Which, here's the thing about the Harry Potter crap --
at the time, it seemed like a really good idea,
but like, what if like -- -This summer?
-Yeah, but like, what if -- what if one of the, like --
what if, like, one of the people in the cast
is, like, a sex offender later on, you know?
-Oh, you mean someone in the Harry Potter movie?
-Yeah, it's a huge -- There's a huge cast.
So if someone comes out as, like, a sex offender,
I'm, like, screwed.
-Are you saying -- Are you talking about all the people
in the '80s who got Bill Cosby tattoos?
-Yeah. There's someone out there.
There's someone out there with, like, a dope Bill Cosby tattoo.
-Now, one thing your burgeoning film career
has led you to decide...
-Yes. -...is the removal
of your famous tattoo collection.
-Oh, God. Yeah. So I didn't think that they
would put me in stuff.
-Like the movie business.
-Like movie business or anything.
Like, I thought, after this,
this "SNL," I thought it was a wrap.
But they're getting -- -Wait, because, again,
you started "SNL" when you were 20.
-Yeah. -And you thought
it was gonna be your last job.
-Yeah, well, people don't realize I'm, like, kind of old.
I'm, like, 27, but in Hollywood, that's like 40.
You know? -Yeah.
That would make me 100. -Yeah.
-Yeah. -It's like a --
you know, a basketball player being, like, 37.
So, no, I just -- I honestly never thought
that I would get an opportunity to act,
and I love it a lot. And it takes like 3 hours.
You have to get there 3 hours earlier
to cover all your tattoos, because for some reason,
people in movies, they don't have them that much.
-Right. And you basically used
your one sort of autobiographical-type movie.
-Yeah. -You've used that bullet...
-Yeah. -...in "King of Staten Island,"
and then you had to figure out how to cope.
-So now I'm burning them off, but, like, burning them off
is, like, worse than getting them,
because, like, not only are they, like,
burning off your skin, but you're wearing these,
like, big goggles, right? So you can't see anything.
And there's just, like -- the doctor's in there with you.
So, before he goes to laser each tattoo,
you have to hear him announce what the tattoo is,
to make sure if you want to keep it or not.
So, I'll just be, like, sitting there, you know,
like all high off of the Pro-Nox,
which I actually quite enjoy. It is actually pretty fun.
And then, all of a sudden, I'll just hear,
"Are we keeping the Stewie Griffin smoking a blunt?"
[ Laughter ]
And then I have to sit there and be like,
"No, Dr. G." And he's like, "Alright."
And just [imitates machine buzzing].
Just [bleep].
But, yeah, if you're gonna get tattoos,
you know, just make sure you really, really want it...
-Yeah. -...and aren't on mushrooms.
-Because it's not --
I think that's a really important lesson,
is it's not just that one day,
you'll have them taken off. You will have to have them
audibly described to you by a medical professional.
-Yeah, it's really embarrassing. "Are we keeping
the owl that licks the Tootsie Pop?"
[ Laughter ]
"Yes, actually, we are keeping that one."
-That is a keeper. -That one's a keeper.
-Last we talked, this summer, you were in your mom's basement.
I believe, like, everyone who's ever met your mom,
huge fan of hers. -Great lady.
-Great lady. But are you happy to be out of the basement?
Although I should note, the basement looked pretty nice.
There seem to be multiple computer, video-game consoles.
-[ Laughs ] Thank you.
No, I would just like people to know that, like --
like --
I bought that house, too. Like --
-That's okay. That's a very -- -Like, I set up the --
Like, the -- Like, it was sick down there.
-Yeah. -Like, people would come over
and they'd be like, "Oh, this is sick."
-Yes. I think it was actually -- It was a service
to everyone to see how nice the situation was,
because I think we use "mom's basement"
sort of to be derogatory, but in your case, I mean,
that's like something everybody should be aiming for.
-Yeah, it was like -- it was really cool,
but it was also -- it's nice to move out,
because it's really nice to masturbate
and not hear your mom, like, cooking.
-Yeah. -You know?
-Except for, like, a very thin slice of people.
-Yeah. -Who it's --
-For some people --
Well, that was my fear, is, like, "What if I, like --
that's the only way I can finish now."
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughs ]
-So you, like, call her up. -I'm like,
"Hey, what are you doing right now?"
"I'm cooking." I'm like, "Oh, great."
-Oh, no.
We knew what it looked like.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm a very simple man. [ Laughter ]
-I am a huge fan of your mom... -Yes.
-...who is one of the sweetest ladies in the world.
-Me, as well. Amy Davidson -- good lady.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Now, is Amy -- During this time,
were you and Amy under the same roof?
Was she there when you would, like, skulk off to the closet?
And did she believe you
when you told her you were doing a cartoon?
-Yeah. No, yeah. I'm just, like --
We did live together for, like, a good two years,
and she was a pretty great roommate.
-Yeah. How would you -- What do you think
she would say about you as a roommate?
-I think she would just be like, "That kid jerks off a lot."
[ Laughter ] Like -- Like...
[ Laughter ]
-I will say, I do believe this.
If a mom said it, I do think they wouldn't say your name.
They'd say "that kid." -"That kid."
-They'd be like, "Pete's on 'SNL.'
Pete's in the movies. Pete's got a show on Tubi.
That kid jerks off a lot." -"That kid jerks off a lot."
Yeah. No, but we had a really good situation.
It was really -- It was like -- We got really close
and really tight. I enjoyed it.
-That's really awesome. -Yeah.
-Does she -- What --
Of your stuff, what does she like the most?
I mean, she must have liked the fact
that you did a film in Staten Island.
-Yeah, I think she's just happy
I'm not, like, selling crack under the bridge.
You know, because, like, that's definitely my calling.
[ Laughter ]
So, yeah, she's just -- She's pleased with anything.
But every once in a while, she's --
You can tell she's still a little unsure
of how it's gonna go, as am I every day.
[ Laughter ]
But the other day, she was just like,
"The garbage man's test is coming up this week."
[ Laughter ] She goes, "It's a lovely job.
You work for the city. You get a uniform."
[ Laughter ]
-You were like, "I've got a show on Tubi!"
-On Tubi, dude.
♪♪