- Hello, I'm Jeremy Konner.
And today we're going to talk about--
- [laughs]
Sorry.
[laughter]
That's hello.
You want to say hello.
- I'm so [bleep] up, man.
- No, I see.
You're looking at me over here,
and I'm over here.
- You're the goddamn director of this.
- I know.
I'm the goddamn director of this.
So far, my favorite quote.
Go on.
- Hello, I'm Jeremy Konner.
And today we're going to be talking
about the L.A. aqueduct.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Aqueduct.
- So William Mulholland is the head
of the L.A. city water company.
And he realizes, like,
We need to figure something out,
because L.A. is growing.
And either L.A. has to stop growing
or we have to figure out more...water.
Mulholland goes to Fred Eaton.
I mean, he's just the most powerful man.
And he's like, Hey, you're my best friend.
You're my mentor.
We're [bleep]-ed.
Eaton is like,
There is a place
that I used to go when I was a kid.
It's a [bleep]-ing, like, 200 miles away.
I know.
It sounds nuts.
But shut the [bleep] up.
It's gonna save all of our problems.
Mulholland's like...
I'm interested, but I'm not...
like, 100% on your page, but I--
I'm on your page.
- But he's on a page.
- But he's on the page.
So they go up to the Owens Valley,
and Eaton is like,
This lake is 4,000 feet above sea level.
Los Angeles,
just a couple feet above sea level.
Mulholland's like,
Oh, my God, it's all downhill.
Broop, all the way to L.A., 250 miles.
Broop, all the way to L.A.
You just [bleep]-ing build a pipe,
broop, and you get to L.A.
But Eaton says,
We're gonna have to break some laws.
We're gonna have to do some shady, shady...
Can we watch "My Cousin Vinny"?
- No, you were talking.
- You don't want to watch "My Cousin Vinny"?
- Let's just continue on the story.
- Oh, I was saying that--
[stuttering]
[laughter]
So Eaton starts buying up
all of the Owens Valley, illegally,
because they need the water rights.
And they get the L.A. Times to publish fake stories,
like, "We're all gonna die.
Guys, if we don't have water, we're all gonna die."
And it's all nonsense.
It's all fake.
There's spies, there's bribery,
there's manipulation.
I mean, these guys were the worst--
worse than anyone.
But the most [bleep]-ed up thing is,
Eaton, he sneaks off to his buddies.
This is the San Fernando Syndicate.
And he's like,
There's this big ah--
big-ass basin in the San Fernando Valley
that just [bleep]-ing is just chilling out here.
Buy up land in the San Fernando Valley.
And then, when the water comes,
we're all gonna make gazillions.
"Chinatown," man.
And eventually,
the people of L.A. vote to create the aqueduct.
This is a [bleep]-ing pipe
in 1904, five, six, seven, whatever,
250 miles long.
On the opening, William Mulholland
turns on the water, and he's like,
There it is.
Take it.
And the water starts [bleep]-ing shooting out.
And that is the great moment of William Mulholland's...
something.
Hey.
- Oh, Jesus.
- This is so stupid.
[laughter]
- [groaning]
Hello.
- Hi, Jer.
What year are we in?
- I don't know. - Yes, you do.
After 1913,
water is coming to L.A. like nobody's business.
The population is [bleep] exploding.
There's palm trees.
Palm trees don't exist in Los Angeles.
It's a desert.
But the people who profit most out of this
is Eaton and his buddies.
Then, in the 1920s,
there's a drought, and it's a real drought.
It's a [bleep]-ing for real,
for real, for real, for real.
And Mulholland says,
Oh, my God, like, this is--
We need a reservoir.
Mulholland goes to Eaton.
Eaton has bought up the only dam site
in the entire Owens Valley.
And he's like,
You can have my dam site for $1 million.
And Mulholland's like...
[distant moaning sound]
[laughter]
I didn't do that.
So Mulholland's like, [bleep] it.
I'm gonna build the goddamn reservoir,
and it's gonna be [bleep]-ing beautiful,
and, m'wah, [bleep] you.
And he [bleep]-ing built the St. Francis Dam
in San Francis-- Francisquito.
And everything is great.
And then they go,
Hey, William Mulholland, there's a leak.
And William Mulholland's like,
I'm kind of in the middle of a power play.
I ain't worried about that [bleep] [bleep], dawg.
He goes to sleep.
That night,
he gets a phone call in the night.
The dam has broke.
There are more dead than the San Francisco earthquake.
And this was William Mulholland's downfall.
But in the end,
between Mulholland and Eaton, they were--
they created Los Angeles,
but really Mulholland,
if it weren't for him,
there would be no Los Angeles.
- Cheers.
- L.A. is a [bleep]-ing nonsense of nonsenses.
And it's the water.
I am so [bleep]-ed up.