- Brad is the most annoying guy in our office,
maybe the world.
We share a cubicle and mornings are rough.
- Good mornin'.
And, in case I don't see ya,
good afternoon, good evening and good night.
That was the... - Truman Show, got it.
- Well, alrighty then.
(suspenseful music)
- The first time Brad's dad messaged me
on Seeking Arrangements,
he told me his son had a problem.
I assumed it was a drug problem,
but he said no, worse.
- I met Brad in a chat room for Shrek fans.
I thought it was cool that he knew every line from Shrek,
but then, a few weeks in,
I realized that he knew every line from every movie.
- I can't live with him another day
if I have to hear him shout through the walls
"This is Sparta," before he cums.
- This is Sparta, oh.
- He masturbates twice every morning.
(whispering)
- Here's Brad.
- Oh.
- Instead of Johnnie, so...
(laughs)
- Taylor, Taylor, why so serious?
- Oh, God (beep).
- This is an intervention because your entire personality
is quoting movies and it's pissing everybody off.
- It's a trap.
- Son, are you ashamed of your personality?
- No.
It's Christopher Walken, Catch Me If You Can.
- Yeah, I got it.
- You're quoting Christopher Walken saying no.
- Yes.
- Oh, my gosh.
- Anyway, I have a speech I wanna read.
Brad, we've shared an office space for three years...
- Excuse me, I believe - I don't have your stapler.
And that's 1,000 times you've quoted Office Space.
- You set me up.
- Even there, I can tell you're quoting a movie,
even though I don't know which one it is.
I can't, I just, I can't, I can't, I'm sorry.
- Okay, I can tell what you're all thinking.
Why, oh, why didn't I take the blue pill?
- No.
No.
- Okay, Brad, I obviously love your dedication to film,
but I've never seen you be yourself.
- So, it's not gonna be easy.
It's gonna be really hard.
And, we're gonna have to work at this every day,
but I want to do that.
- If you don't stop, we can't date anymore, okay?
- He's quoting The Notebook, yeah.
- I hate that movie.
- Why are you dating this guy.
- 'Cause dating in New York is impossible.
- That's why you gotta get a sugar daddy.
- That's gross, that's...
- Ah, clever girl.
- God, shut up.
Do you wanna know why no one comes to our apartment?
It's because they can't have a (beep) conversation
without you quoting a movie.
- You're tearing me apart, Lisa.
- What she's saying, son,
is just because we have chiseled abs
and stunning features doesn't mean
that we can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
- I wish I knew how to quit you.
- Not like this, not like this.
- I am Groot.
- I have nipples, Focker.
Can you milk me?
- It's like lookin' in a mirror.
Only, not.
- Leeloo Dallas multipass.
- Show me the money.
- There's no cryin' in baseball.
- You guys are right. I'm so sorry. I'm pathetic.
(collective sigh)
- That's great.
You know, Brad, I actually, I collected
all your DVD's and we're gonna take you somewhere
and they're gonna help you.
- Thank you so much.
I'm sorry about all this stupid nonsense.
I'm really embarrassed right now.
Can I just say one more thing?
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
- God.
There he goes.
Ahhhh