- Today, we're having some sexy dranks.
- Ooh, yeah!
- But what qualifies a drink as sexy?
- Something with a really velvety mouthfeel.
- Hopefully, they're gonna be like an aphrodisiac
and they actually start like, getting our juices going.
Yeah. - Ugh.
- We're gonna put the cock back in cocktail, baby!
- Oh!
- I'm worried about dicks in the drinks too.
(all laughing)
(bright music)
- This is Sex on the Beach!
Oh, this is the most classic of the sexy drinks.
- This beach really needs some cleanup.
- This is what they order in movies where
it's the lady at the bar and she goes,
(simultaneously) "I'll have a Sex on the Beach."
- Ugh. - Hmm.
- Ugh.
- It's great.
- This reminds me of spring break.
- I mean, it's kind of giving me a boner.
- Actually, alcohol usually gives you less of a boner.
- I think it's like the fruit
that's having sex in the drink.
- Mm-hmm.
Girl, I'll but the cran in your berry.
- Mmm, I also put my dick in the drink.
- This is very sugary,
which means it would give you a really bad hangover.
So, like real sex on the beach,
you're gonna enjoy it in the moment,
regret it the morning after. - Oh, yeah,
that's a UTI fo' sho'.
- Ooh, ooh!
- Oh!
Two out of five boners!
- Have you had sex on the beach?
- Uh, no.
- No? Really?
- Why? What do you mean really? No.
What is this? - Beautiful!
Look at that contour, girl!
Look at that, highlight and contour!
- It looks like a bucket full of come.
- Did you put your sex inside my drink, Eugene?
- Buttery Nipple.
- This is called the Buttery Nipple?
- This tastes just like a nipple!
- No, I know, I know, I know!
- I know, I've tasted nipples!
- It's called buttery because it's butterscotch liqueur.
- Ooh! - Mmm.
- Oh, actually...
- Oh, that tastes just like grandma.
Well... - Gross.
- Like grandma's bowl.
- Does this make you want to have sex?
I'll answer it for you: yes, it does.
- This is the best tasting nipple I've ever had.
- I just keep thinking about
how your grandma tastes and...
- That's fine, my grandma was hot, yo.
- Excuse me!
- Suck, Bang, and Blow.
- What a dumb name! These names are dumb.
- Great name.
- Sounds like a good Tuesday night.
- Pretty cool, pretty cool, VIP.
- So you would
suck, blow, and then bang.
But you end with banging.
- Suck, Bang, Blow!
You gotta suck it, the ice.
- Oh, that's awful.
- What's this flavor?
- I don't know.
Oh!
- Let me try it.
- That, my friends, is a lot of different liquor.
This drink will get you fucked up.
Yeah.
- It's like when you have sex a different way
for the first time and you're like,
I don't know what this is, this is weird.
And then you're like, oh, maybe, that's not bad.
- Of the sexy drinks, this is the drink that's like,
I'm ready to fuck tonight and I don't care who.
- How many butters do you give it, bro?
- Way up!
Way up!
- I would have ordered this
if I didn't love myself.
- Way up,
I'm gonna do about a boner and a half right here!
- Not to shade ya'll off Floridians,
but ya'll will definitely like this drink.
- Oh, Florida definitely drinks this,
where's Kelsey Darragh? She probably fucks with this.
- This drink is Kelsey Darragh.
- Kelsey, what do you think of that joke?
- Okay, it's true,
but fuck you guys, it's pronounced dare-uh!
- Is it dare-uh?
- Whatever, it's Darragh, well,
that way you learn something.
- So, what is this?
- Oh, the Blowjob Shot.
- So, what does that mean, it's a blowjob?
- Uh, is there a reason our dicks are pointed at each other?
- You have to take this without your hands.
- What if we each like,
I'll go to the right, you go to the left?
- What a goofy shaped wiener.
- Gene, I notice that yours is girthier than mine.
(simultaneously) My favorite is a shoot!
- Oh, man.
- That means I suck your dick.
(both laughing)
- First time for everything.
- Do it. - Yeah.
Oh.
- Don't tense up.
- Oh.
Oh, you got the full one in your mouth.
- I can't swallow it, my teeth around a big knob,
you know what I'm saying?
- Do I have something on my face?
- A classic Got Milk moment.
- Thank you. - Dude,
I barely fit my mouth around it.
- Ooh, yeah, I'm blowing your job.
- Just take the drink, Zach. Don't think about it too much.
- This is too wide for my mouth.
- Like, how do you swallow?
- Put your mouth on there.
- (muffled) I can't.
- Yeah, that's why I was suffering,
figuring out how you swallow it.
- Don't, don't throw it up, here!
- How do you swallow when your mouth's open?
- I don't know.
- Is it in?
Back, back, back.
This is the worst blowjob I've ever gotten.
- How was it for you?
- It was good. - Pretty good.
- How is it for you?
- It was pretty good, you know,
it was sweeter than I thought.
(inaudible)
(both laughing)
My white sneakers are ruined.
- How do I exit this segment now?
- Time to end with the sexiest of all drinks...
- The Body Shot.
- But where's Zach?
Oh, there he is! - Oh!
Hello, body boy.
Wait, wait, wait, what are you doing? What are you doing?
- I'm placing the shot. - No, no, no,
it goes in his belly button.
- In his belly button? - Yeah.
When I've done it in the past,
that's why it's sexy!
Uh, well, I'll go where there seems to be
the least amount of hair,
which is your delightful neck.
- I've always been a thigh guy.
(all laughing)
- That's too much salt, Eugene!
No, he needs more. He needs more.
- Oh!
(Zach laughing)
- It doesn't get deeper.
- I just wanted a shot level.
- I'm gonna have wet underwear all day.
- You ready?
- Ned, did you floss this morning?
- Why, who flosses in the morning?
- He's making a joke about his hair.
- Oh.
Feel the rhythm, feel the rhyme!
(classical music)
(Zach yelling, laughing)
- This is the opposite of sexy!
- I don't even think I got any tequila.
- I had hair in my teeth.
- It wasn't that bad!
I wasn't turned on by it
but I wasn't turned off by it.
- What have we learned today?
- I've learned that
drinks aren't sexy.
It's the people who drink them that are sexy.
- Aww. - Aww.
That's sweet. - Yeah.
- How'd you make that so sweet?
- How nice.
- To Zach's tiny, fuckable body.
(all laughing)
- Woo! - Cheers!
- Oh, one day.
- That is why you never spit.
- Thanks for watching this video,
if you like this and you wanna see more,
bigger, crazy, fantastic stuff,
watch Squad Wars, you can get it for 30 days for free.
If you wait til March, if you watch the whole thing
and pay nothing.
- This week, we've got two of our favorites,
the Dudeses versus Funhouse
in a news challenge.
It's more exciting than it sounds.
Also, I get hit in the nuts a ton
and I might not be able to have children anymore.
(intense music)
- Was I good?