♪ Intro Music ♪
Hello there ...
This is 'Parenting 2.0'.
This is the progression from 'Parenting 101'.
When your child comes into this Earth,
they are the culmination
of the perspective
and the consciousness
that has accrued from both you
and your partner.
This is one way that the Universe facilitates its own Expansion.
The purpose of children is not just
the Expansion of the Universal Consciousness,
it is also to help expand *your* Consciousness
and this is how it's done.
We're prevented from Expanding
when we're stuck in our own childhood.
And adults are stuck, emotionally, in their childhood.
All adults still have an Inner Child
or multiple Inner Children.
If we have not re-parented our Inner Child yet,
we are at the mercy of our childhood needs and impulses.
Needs that didn't get met,
and impulses which occur because of those un-met needs.
Our Emotional Selves never grow up.
Our Emotional Selves are always children.
So the leaders of our world
are essentially angry, fearful, 5-year olds
with Nuclear Weapons!
A child gives us the opportunity
to externally parent our internal Child.
Our children will reflect us specifically
so that we can heal ourselves.
Instead of 'Heal', let's say 'Integrate' ourselves,
and here we have our first Tip:
Parent the Child Within, externally, through your child.
Love becomes distorted if we do not address our own pain.
We need to be willing to address our own childhood wounds.
We need to be willing to Integrate our Emotional Body
in order to ask ourselves the question:
"What did I need from my parents that I did not get?"
It's easy then,
to see the mistakes that you're making with your own child.
It's easy then,
to see how to parent instead.
If you parent in the same way that your parents parented you,
(which *is* the way you'll parent
unless you become more conscious)
there is no progression of Consciousness -
it is a state of Ended-ness.
The #1 most important thing we can do for our children
is to integrate our own emotional childhood-pain.
If not, we *will* pass this wound to our children.
Think of this like 'passing baton' -
we pass the baton from generation to generation to generation,
until the Person who stops that cycle
of wound-transfer.
If you are not brave enough to sink into your pain
and move through it,
and become conscious of it,
you will not see how much trauma was caused by your parents
shaming you,
and so you will shame your child.
You will 'default' to raising your child
the exact same way your parents raised you.
You have passed-on the wound, you have passed the baton ...
Now, I for one, would rather say 'The buck stops here.'
and be the one to deal with it
(all of that inter-generational wounding)
than to hope that my child figures out how to do it.
We project our wounds onto our children
making it about what's wrong with the child
and making it about what the child needs to fix,
because we don't recognize this 'projection'
(which is really the reflection of our own childhood-pain)
we try to fiddle with effects -
what I mean is:
you try to fix your kid, you try to make them different ...
But by doing this,
you're really walking upstream
and not going to accomplish anything.
Because it's the same as
trying to change the reflection that's in the mirror
by trying to clean the mirror as much as you can.
It doesn't address the causation of the issue,
which is your own pain.
It is YOU.
I demonstrate a Process to use in order to do this
in my YouTube video titled "Healing the Emotional Body".
If I had my way,
all parents would incorporate this Process
into their daily routine.
You 'shift' and your child will 'shift'.
This is the real reason why I don't work with children.
If I have a problem with the child
I work with their parent.
Now, I realize that some of you will be immediately defensive
when I say that,
because you would rather I say
that you're a wonderful parent no matter what ...
But, if you're the kind of person
who sees the *child* as the problem,
stop for a minute and ask yourself -
"What kind of environment "
"is it that this child (from their perspective) "
"is growing up in?"
"What is this child growing up with "
"in terms of Self concept, "
"if they're constantly being fed with the idea "
"that they're the problem "
"and that something is wrong with them?"
That's what we do when we externalize
our internal wounds on our children
instead of dealing with them at the source of the problem
which is really within ourselves.
I will say this one last time -
if you have an issue with your child,
it's not about your child -
it's about an unhealed aspect within yourself.
If you shift, your child will shift.
No exception to this rule.
When your own child is upset it's easy to ask yourself
(once you become conscious of this external wounding):
"What did I want, in this same scenario, from my parents?"
I'm going to give you a hint, though -
as a child, what we wanted from our parents
was not for them to whisk us out of our pain
it was not for them to rescue us,
it was not for them to fix us or make things better ...
What we wanted was unconditional attention, unconditional love.
'Unconditional' meaning that our parent is going to be
present with us
regardless of whether we feel good or we feel bad.
That's what you really want as a child.
So, in order to be fully present with our children
we have to unconditionally be there for them
*in* the emotion that's happening currently.
This means we don't immediately rescue our child
from feeling angry or feeling sad or feeling pain.
What we do is we enable them
to understand that they are capable of feeling, fully feeling,
those emotions,
and that we will be with them
while they fully feel those feelings.
We don't wanna
immediately whisk them out of their emotions because
that fills our child with the idea
that negative emotions
are 'bad' and are to be avoided.
This compounds our internal 'fracturing' -
it makes sure that this is a child
that is not going to be emotionally intelligent,
it's going to be a child that suppresses their emotions,
and that dissociates from themselves.
And that is the same as Abandoning themselves.
This brings us to the next Tip,
which is, as far as I'm concerned,
the pillar upon which Good Parenting stands
and it goes like this: Validate emotions.
One of the worst things you can do to your child
is invalidate their emotions.
This is a super-common behavior amongst parents.
A lot of it stems from the rather selfish fact
that we cannot stand to see our children upset.
So we try to do everything we can
to make them not-upset,
not because of love and consideration for them,
but because of self-preservation.
We do it because we don't want to feel upset
when we see them upset.
Just like we need to be fully-present with ourselves
no matter how we feel,
we need to be present with our children no matter how they feel.
Here's a scenario:
A child experiences negative emotion
because their parent has decided that they
can't have something at the store.
As a result, the child throws a fit,
or immediately starts to cry.
Mom and Dad gets angry «sighs»
and then proceeds to repeat "No! No!",
or start arguing with the way the child feels
by saying things like:
"Stop that crying right now. "
"There's no reason to do that. "
"Money does not grow on trees, you know."
"We already got the popsicles you wanted." etc.
The child is being taught that how they feel is wrong.
The child is being forced to suppress that feeling.
The child is not allowed to experience
and move through the feeling
and so the feeling is stuck as an imprint within them
(within the child's Emotional Body)
which continues with them into adulthood.
That feeling will now become an *imprint*
which will mirror out into his adult life
as situations that make him feel guilty
or situations that make him feel poor.
The parent has,
in that seemingly small moment,
set up the child's future in a negative way.
Here's the thing:
Every single emotion that a child experiences is valid.
It doesn't matter whether you are trying to project
your adult understanding
on top of a child's experience,
every emotion is valid.
If you had just come from
Source Perspective, like a child does,
where there is nothing but unconditional love,
and where there's nothing but unlimited abundance -
it is a painful experience
to suddenly be in a conditional world
where your abundance seems limited
because of your parents' Lack-of-Abundance mentality.
An extreme reaction is absolutely appropriate.
It will never work to impose the adult perspective
(with all of your years of experience
and all of your years of suppressing your own emotion)
to get a child to see things your way -
and that is not the point.
The point is not to alter *them* -
the point is to be there with them
for their experience, unconditionally,
no matter if that experience feels good
or feels not-good to them.
In the previous scenario
the thing to do would be to kneel down at their level
and express genuine empathy
by saying something like:
"I know lovey, it's OK to feel upset. "
"I feel the exact same way when I want something "
"that I don't feel like I can have."
Then you can encourage the child to express to you
verbally, how they feel,
or where they feel the feeling in their body.
By doing this,
you allow them to have feelings
and not suppress them.
You allow them to move through the feeling.
You cause them to know,
that no matter what,
you will be there with them and for them, through everything -
they are not alone ...
You are raising an emotionally intelligent child
instead of disfiguring their emotional capacity.
Notice we did not rush to make the emotion 'better'
by giving the child what the child was asking for.
We didn't try to rescue them from their emotions
thus causing them believe
that negative emotions are bad or wrong
or to be avoided.
We didn't immediately buy the child what they wanted
and give-in.
The child did not become a Dictator-of-the-Household
who everyone is a slave to.
Instead, the child was treated
as an equal member of the household.
Now, if I was in this scenario,
this would be a perfect time to teach a child
not only to move through their emotion
but also about manifestation.
While I was down on one knee,
I might explain to them that Mommy doesn't have
the best Abundance mentality.
That it's not about the fact
that they don't deserve whatever it is that they want -
it's that Mommy doesn't have a good-enough Abundance mentality
to buy everything.
But also,
that Mommy is not the *only* way for him to get what he wants.
Your children are not served by thinking that you're perfect.
As parents, we fall into this major ego-trap
of wanting to be Gods to our children cause
My Hell - It feels really good when someone
finally thinks you're significant -
the most significant person in their lives,
but the reality is,
we're doing a disservice when we raise them with the idea
that Mom and Dad know everything.
Cause, guess what? - None of us do.
So, explain to them about your shortcomings.
Explain to them about how you might not know the answer.
Show them the process of going and looking for the answer.
Show them the process of learning.
One of the best things you can do
is to raise them with confidence
about the things that they might learn
in their adulthood.
One of the best things you can do
when your kid asks you a question
(when they're in the "Why?"-Phase
and you don't know the answer)
is to say:
"You know, I don't know Why "
"and I don't know if anyone else knows Why "
"but maybe when you grow up, you'll find out Why."
This gives the child an idea
that there is something to reach towards.
That they are going to be of some value to the world itself.
That Mom and Dad are not Gods.
All emotions should be understood and validated.
We are not validating that the child's *belief* is right,
we are validating what they feel.
We are mirroring it.
'Mirroring' emotion means:
The child falls down and is crying,
and instead of whisking the pain away we say:
"Oh I bet that really felt scary, didn't it?"
"I know I used to feel really scared "
"when I fell down when I was your age."
We just 'mirrored' how they felt.
By doing this,
the child is not fighting against their negative emotion,
and as a result, the emotion blows over quickly.
The third Tip I'm going to give today is: Don't shame your child.
Shaming is emotional abuse. Period. The End.
You can't even argue with that.
A child will only respect and love
somebody who respects and loves them.
Shaming creates humiliation.
Shaming also makes the parent the enemy.
And a child cannot learn if they are being shamed.
Shaming a child is as good as pouring acid on their Self concept.
And children are more than capable of learning
from the consequences of their own actions
without you rubbing salt into the wound.
I'm constantly explaining the value
to parents
of children being able to make mistakes,
especially when they're very young.
Now it is true that you're probably going to run into flak
from teachers
and from other parents who don't understand this concept,
but the reality is, we're trying to raise children
who are responsible, healthy, creators.
We are not trying to manufacture
a tiny Being which will now be a unit of a machine
that we call Society,
that will not be able to think for itself,
will not be able to take responsibility,
and most of all,
who lives its life to try to avoid conflicts
with authority figures.
This means, that for example,
if your child does not go to sleep on time
after being informed of the potential consequence
(which is: feeling too tired the next day at school),
let them find out for themselves.
Let them experience the consequence
without saying "I told you so!".
This means they will eventually decide
to go to bed on-time themselves.
Shame is worse than guilt.
Guilt is believing that one has done bad
whereas Shame is believing that one *is* bad.
Those of us who are conscious of what our own childhood did to us
are well-aware of just how damaging
that belief can be
when it is carried on into adulthood.
We think that a parent can only traumatize their child
as a result of abusing or neglecting them
(physically abusing or physically neglecting them).
This could not be farther from the case.
The reality is,
by far, more damage can be done to your child
by the emotionally-abusive things that we do to them.
Things that we in fact, in this society,
consider to be normal parenting behavior.
Shaming is one of these forms of
societally-accepted emotional abuse.
Now, myself being the person,
who has come up and survived multiple childhood abuse-forms,
I will tell you
that by far the most
damaging to your adulthood life
is emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse
(shaming included),
is more harmful than physical abuse,
and it is more harmful than sexual abuse.
I find it a tragedy that as a society
we have condemned all forms of abuse
while at the same time upholding
the 'acceptance' of the most damaging
form of abuse that there is.
To me, this is nothing short of tragedy.
Now, think about this for a minute -
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of damage done
when you sexually abuse somebody
and when you physically abuse somebody,
but the emotional abuse
(which often accompanies both other types of abuses)
is what lasts with you into your future
because its what forms your Self concept.
If you're walking into your future
with a corroded sense of Self,
that spells a life of Living Hell.
These behaviors that we think are normal parenting
(which we are, in fact, de-sensitized to)
cause trauma in the child's Being
and result in a dysfunctional adult who cannot thrive.
I love this term 'Failure to Thrive'
that they like use with children of abuse and neglect.
But I will tell you,
there is a great many people who fail to thrive
that are «quote»«unquote» 'functioning' members of society.
What does it mean to thrive?
I can tell you it means a lot more
than just surviving into adulthood.
The more you Integrate your own childhood
the more you'll see just how damaging
so-called 'normal' good parenting of our time is,
and just how many long-term negative effects
have to do with that popularly-accepted
style of parenting.
And lastly, the final Tip for this Parenting video
is to: Question everything.
It's incredible how much we parent on auto-pilot.
Adopting the beliefs of people, of society,
and most especially, of our parents.
You will parent exactly like your parents parented you
until you become Conscious.
That means we have to question everything
we *think* childhood should be,
every way we think we should be with our children,
and every way we think our children should be, with us.
There should be nothing that is off-limits to our questioning.
We, here, watching this video,
those of us who really want our children to grow up
in a way that facilitates their Eternal Nature,
in a way that enables them to grow
and to thrive, not just survive -
it's dependent upon us
making the choice to become fully Conscious.
That's what Conscious Parenting is all about.
It's about us being completely aware of ourselves,
completely aware of our children -
so that we may facilitate
Progression and Expansion in our world.
Have a good week ...
♪ Outtro Music ♪
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