♪♪
[rooster crows]
Sharpen well,
of the gluttonous weeds in this world of sin,
no doubt.
Hey, roomie.
Um, I invited some
A festery mire of lasciviousness?
No, Jedediah.
It's the 21st century.
We're just having a small get-together.
You should join us.
Uh, Mallory brought
The friend of lies, no doubt?
It's completely innocent.
Nothing in this world is innocent.
The snow covers many a dunghill.
I don't even know what you're saying now.
You cannot tempt
Woman:
for certain.
[chorus sings]
Jedediah, this is my
And what shall I call this embodiment of virtue?
Virtue.
Come again?
Virtue Obedience Hawkins.
Good name, no doubt.
Names do not carry us to the golden gates,
for certain.
No doubt.
For certain!
[whispers] No doubt.
Well, uh, we're going to have a bonfire out back,
eat some s'mores.
Your thirst
And you will be consumed upon the bonfire
[both] of vanities!
Mallory: We're just going to leave you two alone.
I am never alone in the company of men.
I even refuse to feed my roosters without a chaperone.
Come in, Silence.
Sage choice.
It shall make our gathering a blessed evening.
I will be gone by evening.
Those who court when the sun descends
court the devil's design, for certain.
Ah, yes.
I could not agree more.
How dare you express enjoyment!
My deepest apologies.
Your shoes are quite sensible.
They are four sizes too small.
I could whittle you new ones.
Nonsense.
The pain purifies my predilection for pleasure.
Your alliteration sounds dangerously like poetry!
My apologies.
Strike me, Silence.
[cracking]
Matt:
How does anything still surprise me?
Yours is a diligence I yearn for.
Your flattery tempts me to gaze upon thy hair.
You must resist!
I shall.
For certain!
No doubt!
[crack]
Let us go, Silence, and we will demonstrate our penitence
by crawling the seven miles back home.
We are alone.
No doubt.
I cannot contain my unhallowed desires.
Nor I!
[harpsichord music]
[gasp]
I apologize for this unholy demonstration of passion.
This deserves the cleansing ritual of stoning.
Will you stone me with the stone of justice?
No, I will use mercy.
[gasp]
[whispers] You brought your own stoning stone.
I never leave home without it.
[glass shatters]
What's up, guys?
I'm here to tell you some things you shouldn't do
in life.
You should never run with scissors,
you shouldn't pull the mattress tag off,
you shouldn't throw ducks at the elderly,
but there's something you should do right now:
follow your dreams.
You probably thought I was going to say
"Like, comment, subscribe."
[laughing]
Oh, actually you should do that too.