Today we debate: Taco vs. Burrito.
Let's talk about that.
♪ (theme music) ♪
Gooood Mythical Morning!
We don't normally take this tone on our show, but there are a lot of serious
issues out there on the internet, a lot of passionate opinions that people have
- Yes. - and we thought we would just take
one of those issues head-on today. And that is: (shouts) Taco versus Burrito!
Okay, so we're gonna do a debate format show. Experimental! Spoiler alert. Or not.
I don't know what the definition of that is.
- Hm. What's been spoiled? - That that's what we're doing.
- (laughs) Oh, okay. - A debate format.
So we're going classical debate format here in as far as we know it.
We didn't do the debate team in any of our schooling.
- No we didn't. - We're gonna do it now and we're gonna be
be great at it. Or at least one of us is. 90-second opening remarks
- and then a 30-second - (in unison) cross-examination.
And then we'll flip. Then, after that round, it's a series of--
- Rebuttals. - rapid-fire rebuttals and argumentation
culminating in you deciding in the comments which is superior, the burrito or the taco.
It is time for...
- (Link) Debate-o-Rama! - (Rhett) Taco vs. Burrito.
(applause, patriotic music and crowd noise)
- (stage whispers) Great, how's your wife? - (stage whispers) How's Christy?
- Oh, I know. - How are the kids?
- Oh, you did the wife joke too. - How's your dog?
- He's good. - Yeah. I've always been a fan of your dog.
(smoothly ) Okay, I'm ready. I have my debate notes here and I am of the--
(normally) Do I have to use the fake voice? 'Cause that's not gonna be sustainable.
(normally) No, no. Use your own voice.
I am Burrito and I'm told that-- Eddie?-- I'm going first because "burrito" comes
- before "taco" in the alphabet. - (Eddie) Yes, Mr. Link.
I'm also representing burrito almost arbitrarily, but I shouldn't have told you
- that. I really believe in this. Okay. - What? I really believe in mine.
(Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, it's time for your opening remarks. You have 90 seconds.
- ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Please begin.
Thank you, arbiter, or moderator, whatever you are. Eddie, thank you.
Mythical Beasts, thank you for watching. Thank you, my formidable opponent,
- Rhett, for being here. - Yeah.
And thank you to the people of Mexico for making burritos possible,
the supreme folded covering over food that makes it more awesome than tacos.
Reason number one: They're neat!
Just look at this thing. There's no spilling, look! I'm--
- (laughs) - I'm shaking. I dropped half of it.
(laughs) Look at that. Nothing's coming out of this thing. I mean, that's one
thing, right? It's pretty neat. I really blew it when half of it fell apart.
- I'm gonna admit that. - I'm noting that.
That doesn't normally happen. They're also very convenient. Think about it.
You can just sink your teeth into this any way. You don't have to assume some sort of
"makin' out with a girl and I don't know which way her mouth faces" kind of a thing.
You just one-handed, right there, bite it anywhere, and you're in Mexican Heaven.
Right? Point three: These things are huge! Especially if half of it doesn't break off.
I mean, you can feed two people with one of these things.
You could sustain a small family or use it as a weapon.
(thunk)
You hear that? If that was your face, it would be like blunt trauma happening.
So there you go, right off the bat. I'm saving some good stuff, but it's neat,
nothing comes out. You can one-hand this thing, it's very convenient.
Put your mouth on it anywhere and start eating. And then three,
- (timer dings) - did I mention it was huge?
(Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, your time is up.
So right off the bat, I'm gonna retrieve this half.
(Eddie) Thank you for your remarks, Mr. Link.
- It landed on a bag, so it's still clean. - (clears throat)
(Eddie) Mr. Rhett, it's time for
- ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) the cross-examination round.
- Yes. - I noticed you were taking notes.
Yes, Mr. Link, I noted early on in your presentation that your burrito
broke in half. And I want to say that you were making that point...
The point you were making when it broke off was that the burrito was neat.
- And then it broke. - Right. Look how clean of a break it was.
Yeah, but half of it fell on the ground and you had to pick it up.
- I see it right there. I could grab it. - But it--
- Mind if I touch your podium? - That's fine.
This is it. It broke, so, you know, it speaks for itself.
Okay, but we all know you don't eat things in an earthquake, usually.
- (timer dings) - Try to shake a taco.
(Eddie) All right, the cross examination's over.
- Okay, I will shake a taco. - Try to shake a taco.
(Eddie) Mr. Rhett, it's time for your opening remarks.
- ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Please begin. You have 90 seconds.
I would like to thank everyone that Link thanked. In addition, I would like to
thank Mexican Americans here in Los Angeles for making
my trek to get a taco very easy. There's always a taco within a 1-mile radius.
I'm very appreciative of that.
My argument comes down to The Three O's of Tacos.
The Three O's of Tacos. The first O is Original. The taco is completely original.
In fact, it predates the European arrival of settlers in the Americas.
So this is what they were eating. This is the original Mexican food.
No imposter like the burrito.
The second O is Options. (laughs) You got options when it comes to tacos!
You got hard tacos, you got soft tacos, you can even get the puffy shell.
You can get beef, you can get chicken, you can get tofu.
This is for a man or a woman who wants options, okay? This is for somebody who
doesn't wanna commit to anything. You can have three or four different meals in one
and that's just for starters. And the third O is Openness.
I want you to open your heart to the taco, but I also want you to recognize
the open configuration of a taco means there are no surprises.
The food is able to breathe. You're able to smell the food. Fifty percent of taste
is smell. I wanna smell my food before it goes into my mouth orifice.
And, if some falls out as on occasion will happen, it's just taco salad.
- (timer dings) - (Eddie) All right, thank you, Mr. Rhett.
- ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) Mr. Link, it's time for your
cross-examination. You have 30 seconds.
First question: since when does food need to breathe?
Uh... science shows that, uh... food needs to breathe.
The food in you burrito has been suffocated thoroughly and has died.
Okay, you mentioned all the options for tacos, but
- Yes, lots of them. - have you ever eaten a breakfast taco?
- Yes. - Tell me about it.
It was kind of like a breakfast burrito but it was open. And small.
- (timer dings) - Are you lying?
- No! - (Eddie) All right, Mr. Link, your cross-
- (Eddie) examination round is over. Order! - (both laugh)
(Eddie) Can everybody please calm down?
And by the way, since when is-- one of his points was just a history lesson.
- (Eddie) Please calm down, Mr. Link. - Yeah. Origins. Original.
- (Eddie) Mr. Link, please... - What? Moderator?
(Eddie, laughing) Please calm down, Mr. Link.
- (in unison) Okay. - What happens now?
I'm smiling. I'm still getting votes.
(Eddie) Now it's time for the first rebuttal.
- ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ - (Eddie) This will be Mr. Rhett's turn.
- Oh, he goes first. Okay. - Okay.
I'm fine with that.
Anyone can make a taco. You could probably teach a monkey or a dog
to make a taco, because all it takes is putting a tortilla on the ground and
throwing some stuff in it and then folding it up.
You have to be a mad scientist / genius to make a burrito because you have to
master the art of burrito-gami, which is origami for burritos. I've never been able
to do it. Every time I try to make a burrito and then I bite down on it,
it ends up pooping out refried beans on my hand or the hands of a loved one,
- even worse. - (timer dings)
- And that never happens with a taco. - When what? How does it poop?
(Eddie) Okay, Mr. Link, it's time - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪
- If you don't get the fold right. - (Eddie) for your rebuttal.
Okay, basically you've just said that tacos are for stupid people who aren't
- willing to commit. - Dogs and monkeys, specifically.
People who want options, so they have commitment issues.
I will say that, look at how messy this is. If you just look away, everything's--
Oh, my goodness. Is there-- what kind of weather's happening over there?
Look, everything's gone.
Look at all the chicken that stayed in there.
Look, and then it's an earthquake.
Look how hard it is to get that chicken out of there.
- So, it's messy. It's cumbersome - (timer dings)
- and dangerous. - (Eddie) Okay, okay. Mr. Rhett?
Look at this thing. You try to get the angle in here and it's like making out
- with a girl with a weird mouth. - (Eddie) Please, Mr. Link.
- It's like, what do I-- - (Eddie) Mr. Link?
- Oh, I got a kink! - You brought up the weird mouth
on the girl thing twice. I've never met a girl with a mouth that went sideways,
- or upside-- this way. - Have you ever just bitten a taco
- any way you wanted? - (Eddie) Mr. Link, it's time for Rhett's--
It's like you gotta...
I feel like I could eat a taco straight up.
- (Eddie) It's time for Rhett's rebuttal. - If I wanted to eat a taco like this,
I could. (crunches)
(Eddie) Please, may we please stay on topic?
- It's still good. - Yeah, That brings me to my other point.
- Hold on, I gotta make my point! - ♪ (dramatic music) ♪
(Eddie) It's Mr. Rhett's rebuttal. You have 30 seconds.
- What about toppings? Listen. - Okay.
If you want toppings, you don't get toppings on a burrito. You get what
you get in there. If they screw up and they put all the guacamole in one spot,
you get a guac bite and that's it, you can never live that down.
And the second thing that happens is, if you want to put sauce on a burrito,
what are you gonna do? Eat it like this and put it on top one at a time?
- That's stupid. - No, you put it in there.
If you dip the burrito into the salsa, the burrito parts come out.
Did I mention that tacos are extremely dangerous? The way that he demonstrated
eating a taco will lead to taco shards cutting the roof of your mouth.
I have bled. Tacos have made my inner face bleed before because of the shardness.
And by the way, have you ever gotten excited while eating a taco?
Oh look, we won the game! Look, look at that. Is that gonna happen with a burrito?
- No. - (in unison) Oh, we won the game!
- Nothing. - Look at that! It completely gave way!
- (both laughing) - No, look, I did it too.
- Look, I won the game! - We won the game, and look what happened.
We lost the burrito!
(Eddie) All right, I think this concludes our debate.
- This is chaos. - (Eddie) Thank you Mr. Rhett and Mr. Link.
Soft tacos are wannabe burritos but you didn't know how to roll.
- (Eddie) Mr. Link! - My case rests.
- (Eddie) Thank you. Thank you both. - My case rests as well.
- (applause and patriotic music) - Hey, thanks.
- You know what? That was... - (stage whisper) How's your wife?
- She good? - She's just as good as she was
- at the top of the debate. She's fine. - You wanna do some tennis next week?
- You did a great job. - Racquetball. You into racquetball?
- Handball. - Or handball, that's even better.
- There's no racquets. - Yeah, just...
- Just your hands and balls. - I forget mine anyway. (laughs)
- Okay. - (both laugh)
So there you go. Let us know in the comments: Burrito vs. Taco.
- Thanks for liking and commenting. - You know what time it is!
Hi, I'm Britney from Wilbraham Massachusetts,
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
If we can't all agree on tacos versus burritos, we can all agree on waffles.
Everybody loves waffles. And if you love waffles, you need to check us out
- on Instagram for Waffle Wednesday. - Click through to Good Mythical More
where we continue the candid discussion of burritos versus tacos and invite the
crew into the discussion, as well as you.
- (Rhett) Rhett is a grumpy tacooooo! - Whaaat?
- (Link, silly voice) Hey Rhett, what's up? - (Rhett, grumpily) what?
- (Rhett) Nothin', man. - (Link) I'm so happy. I feel empty inside,
- but I'm still happy. What about you? - (Rhett) Well, life sucks. Bleeeh.
(Rhett) Life suuucks. Bleeeeeeeeeh.
- (Link laughs) - (Rhett) Baaah. That's how much it suuuucks.
(Link) Lemme... Thanks for that.
[Captioned by Caitrin: GMM Captioning Team]