we tend not to wonder too much what role
made up love stories have in our lives
generally we suppose they might just be
entertainment but that's wildly to
underestimate how influential love
stories can be arguably part of the
reason we find modern relationships so
hard is that we've been exposed to
extremely unhelpful stories that don't
give us a correct map of love I don't
have the strength to stay away from you
anymore that leave us feeling in
relationships that not only are we
suffering that our suffering has no
equivalent in the lives of other more or
less same people we break up or feel
ourselves cursed in significant part
because we've been exposed to the wrong
love stories upon us we'll never fall in
love with anybody else it's not let's
talk about our cottage yes well we'll
have a lovely cottage down in down in
the archetypal romantic love story the
drama hinge is almost entirely on how a
couple get together and it ends as soon
as they do all sorts of obstacles are
placed in the way of love's birth and
the interest just lies in watching their
steady overcoming they might be
misunderstandings bad luck prejudice a
war arrival or more poignantly shyness
but in the end after endless
tribulations the right people do
eventually get into couples and so the
story must come true
but a wiser kind of love story would
know that the real problem isn't finding
a partner
it's tolerating them and being tolerated
over time it should appreciate that the
start of relationships is not the high
point that romantic culture assumes it's
merely the first step of a far longer
more ambivalent and yet quietly far more
heroic journey then there's the issue of
work in most love stories the characters
may have jobs but on the whole these
have little impact on their psyches work
goes on somewhere else what one does for
a living is not thought relevant to an
understanding of love yet better more
realistic love stories should show us
that work is in fact a huge part of life
with an overwhelming role in shaping our
relationships motion for continuance
DeBary versus Henderson it was sustained
good
- the judge consider your application
for leniency rogers vs. Jinta you
granted it green it's the stresses of
work that ends up generating a sizeable
share of the troubles that lovers are
going to have with one another people
you work to this yes mister shadow to
run an up-to-date organization here you
know there's too much luck too thick or
too much laxity then there's kids in
romantic love stories children are
incidental sweet symbols of mutual love
or naughty in an endearing way they
rarely cry take up little time and are
generally wise and cute but ideally I
love stories would shows that
relationships are fundamentally oriented
towards the having and raising of
children and at the same time that
children place a couple under near
unbearable strains they almost always
kill the passion that made them possible
does it concern you that your daughter
has just run away from home that's a
loaded question life moves from the
sublime to the cotillion there are toys
in the living room pieces of chicken
under the table and no time to talk
everyone is always tired
this too is love our stories are so
unhelpful to our actual loved lives
we've learned to judge ourselves by the
hopes and expectations fostered by the
misleading medium of art by its
standards our own relationships are
almost all damaged and unsatisfactory
no wonder separation or divorce so often
appear to be inevitable they shouldn't
be we merely need to change what we
watch and read so that we regularly take
in stories that normalize our love
troubles and show us an intelligent and
helpful path
[Music]
you