Beyond spending time, five ways to invest in those key relationships.
This video is a specific response to one of you subscribers here at Live On Purpose TV.
You asked for some specifics, so here are five that you can use immediately. Nicki,
you asked this specifically. "I've seen a couple of your seven key relationships videos",
and by the way, there's an entire playlist here about the seven key
relationships. Because what we're all about at Live On Purpose is saving and enriching
your seven key relationships using principles of positive psychology.
So Nicki, that's what you're referring to, "And they're great for explaining
what relationships are important and in what order of priority. But I'm still
left wondering what kinds of things I can do to show investment in them besides just spending
time with them?". Love your question, Nicki, and thank you for driving down to some specifics.
Let's cover five things that you can do. Number one, conscious awareness. Many of
our key relationships we end up taking for granted. We don't even think about them
unless they're troubled or there's something going on that we need to pay attention to.
Conscious awareness has to do with calling your mind specifically to that key relationship.
So let's pick one for example. How about your relationship with extended family?
This is key relationship number five, extended family. Sometimes we don't even
think about extended family unless we've got a family reunion coming up or we're going to a
funeral and there's even jokes about that. You know, I can't make it to the family reunion.
See you at the next funeral. We don't even think about it between. Spend some time
actually thinking about that relationship. You don't even have to do anything else other than
call it to conscious awareness. You might write down the name of someone who's important to you
in your extended family and put it in your pocket so that every time you reach into your pocket,
you feel that little slip of paper and you know whose name is on it.
I remember one of my colleagues was running a marathon and she decided to put the name
of one of her key relationships, one of the people in her key relationships on each mile,
so that she would think about as she's running the first mile, she's thinking about
her daughter and as she's running the second mile, she's thinking about her father and so on.
This is just an example of calling it to your conscious awareness. You don't even
have to talk to that person or reach out to them, bring it to mind and see what your
mind does with that. So Nicki, number two. Is to give, shift your focus from
getting something out of that relationship to giving something in that relationship.
I love an example that came up about a year and a half ago. I was on the elliptical and
doing a little bit of a morning workout, and I glanced over by the treadmill where Vicki
was doing her morning workout and she had posted on the wall a saying. She had several of these
printed out and she was switching them out every few days just to call things to her awareness.
And this one caught my attention. It said, and this was from Jodi Moore,
by the way, who is a phenomenal coach, who I have personally worked with before.
And this quote from Jodi Moore said, "My husband is not here to meet my needs. My
husband is here so that I will have someone to love". Now, you can see why I enjoyed this.
Seeing that in front of Vicki as she's working out on the treadmill.
But this is the shift in focus that we're talking about. It's really tempting as we
look at our seven key relationships to think, okay, am I getting what I need out of this? A
slight little shift in focus takes us to, am I giving what I could in this relationship?
That little shift will power up any of those key relationships. Now, since I just gave you
an example about marriage, I've got a bonus for you today. Go to the URL on the screen right now,
drpauljenkins.com/9principles, the number nine, the word principles, all one word. And I
will put in your inbox the nine principles that are guaranteed to improve your marriage.
And remember, your spouse is key relationship number three. And Nicki,
if you don't have that list yet, go grab it, because that's going to give you the
specific principles that will help with that particular key relationship. I think you're
gonna see that those nine principles apply in a lot of the other relationships as well.
Once again, drpauljenkins.com/9principles. You're welcome. Here's number
three, unexpected outreach. For no particular reason and with no
requests or expectation of response, you simply reach out to that person,
and if you're not sure what to say, use this. My life is better because you are in it.
What is that going to do in that key relationship? Think about someone that you haven't seen for a
long time that's still really important to you, and you simply unexpectedly reach out
to them for no particular reason with that kind of a message. Hey,
just wanted you to know. I was thinking about you and my life is better because you're in it.
Or thank you for being who you are and making the difference that you make in our world. Something
like that, totally out of the blue. Experiment with this and see what it does. Now, Nicki,
you might not appreciate me for this one, but I'm going there anyway. Vulnerability.
This is something that as humans, we crave in our intimate relationships.
We want people to be vulnerable with us, but it's the thing that we're the least likely to give.
Practice vulnerability in your key relationships. This is where you admit to your faults and your
weaknesses and your shortcomings. Sometimes we put on kind of a phony facade and we try to look
all Pinterest perfect, but that's not reality and it's hard to connect with someone who is phony.
Being vulnerable will take your key relationships to the next level. And while that's not the total
focus of this particular video, I love the work that Brene Brown has done about this. Go
look up some of her videos here on YouTube or her book, Daring Greatly. We'll give you some
ideas about this vulnerability and how you can incorporate that into your key relationships.
It'll really power 'em up. For my last tip today, I'm going to Ann Demarais,
who is the author of a book called First Impressions, and in this book,
Dr. Demarais shared an idea called social gifts, and that's my final tip for you. Give social
gifts and the way Dr. Demarais described these, there's four, connection is one.
This is the way that we intersect what we have in common for you to acknowledge that
something is the same about your interests and this person that you're trying to get
closer to. That's connection. Oh, you like soccer? I love soccer. Okay. That kind of a
connection. You just went to Israel. I have a cousin who lives in Israel.
Okay. Something like that that just brings you together. That's social gift number one. Number
two, appreciation. This is gratitude, basically, and it it's best to be very specific about what
it is you're grateful for from that person, express that to them. Appreciation. Hey,
thank you so much for the way that you handled that dinner last night.
I thought that was beautiful. Something like that. Something that's specific
and connected to that person specifically. Social gift number three is enlightenment.
The turning on the lights, right? And this has to do with sharing knowledge
or information. Usually this social gift is encapsulated by, hey, did you hear whatever?
Okay. Or you know what I just found out, and then you share some nugget
of knowledge. That's enlightenment. And the final social gift that Dr. Demarais pointed out
is elevation. Now, what does an elevator do? It lifts people, right? That's what
the social gift of elevation is. You're lifting them. The simplest way to do that
is to give him a smile. Just a genuine, heartfelt smile that connects with him. Eye contact,
humor. These are the things that elevate people's mood, and it is a gift to go
elevate someone's mood. Nicki, you asked for some specific ways to improve those
key relationships. Thank you for your question. I hope you got what you were looking for here.
Remember to go grab that free gift that I offered about relationship
number three with your spouse. The nine principles that are
guaranteed to improve your marriage drpauljenkins.com/9principles.