♪ Wildin', wildin' ♪
♪ Wildin', wildin', wildin' ♪
- Okay. Family show. Let's keep it fun.
(audience laughs)
Let's get this show on the road. Give me DC Young fly.
(audience cheers)
I know this is your brother, but I gotta do it.
Let's take a ride down 85 South. Give me Karlous Miller.
(audience cheers)
DC, ya ready?
- Ready!
- Karlous, ya ready?
I said, Karlous, ya ready?
- Go ahead, bruh.
(audience laughs)
- Wildin' roast
- I bet you won't say,
"Bring that ass here" to Jason Lee.
(audience laughs)
- Boy, if you don't get ya got damn
'bout get ready to play in the church basketball league.
- Boy, if you don't get ya got damn
I looked like a Black and Mild when you put it out
and try to light it again, lookin' ass
- Boy, if you don't get ya got damn
I'm 65 next week. Yo ass gonna have the shake-ys, ugly ass.
- Boy if you don't get ya got damn
dressed like a half-bag of weed lookin' ass up outta here.
- Boy, if you don't get ya got damn
four days ago, I fell asleep at the light
cause I ain't got enough sleep.
- Boy, if you don't get ya got damn
DC, you got something right here, lookin' ass up outta here.
- Boy, if you don't ya got damn
boy that ass was fat in the grocery store, lookin' ass.
(audience laughs)
- You. Out!
- [Audience] Got Damn!
- Let's keep it going. Let's keep it going, okay.
Give me DC Young Fly.
(audience cheers)
Give me B. Simone.
(audience cheers)
B. Simone, ya ready?
- Ready.
- DC Young Fly, ya ready?
- Ready.
- Wildin' roast
- DC, you only gangster from Atlanta with asthma.
"Ooh! West side is the best side.
Hold on y'all. Let me take my asthma."
- I do got asthma, but guess what?
When you wake up in the morning,
your (beep) yawn like this.
(audience laughs and cheers)
- No, let me talk. No, Let me talk.
Let me talk. DC!
DC!
(whistle blows)
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
One-hitter quitter. TKO. You. Out!
- [Audience] Got damn!
(bell chimes) (audience cheers)
- Give me DC.
(audience cheers)
- [Audience] DC! DC! DC!
- Give me Hitman.
(audience cheers)
- Wildin' roast
- Boy, you build like a ghetto Victoria's Secret model.
Skinny head ass boy.
- Boy, bring yo ass here, boy!
Hold up. Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.
Boy, if you don't get yo short arm,
hard tot get my food out the drive-thru lookin' ass.
- Hold on, hold on. Boy, you look like the first person
I ever learned how to draw.
You stick figure body havin' ass boy.
- Boy, if you don't get yo small teeth,
I can only eat soft food, lookin' ass.
Hold up. Hold on. Hold on.
I only can eat potato salad, lookin' ass.
Hold up. I can only eat banana, lookin' ass.
(audience laughs)
- Out!
- [Audience] Got damn!
(bell chimes repeatedly) (audience cheers)
(horn blasts)
- There's a hater in the house. Should I get 'em?
- [Audience & Cast] Let's get 'em!
- There's a hater in the house. Should I get 'em?
- [Audience & Cast] Let's get 'em!
- Boy, I'm 'bout to get on yo ass.
Boy, you think I don't see yo ass.
Cameraman, get his ass. Right there.
Yo, Big Boy Teddy.
Boy, yo ass looks like got damn clown off "Spawn",
ugly ass boy (beep).
(audience laughs) (bell chimes)
- [Man] What he say, DC?
(DC breathes heavily)
(audience cheers)
- Parental advisory. These are Nicholas,
boy, yo head stank!
I really have this on my mind
and I think the world should know.
Boy, yo ass look like Burt off the "Sesame Street",
ugly ass boy.
(bell chimes repeatedly) (audience laughs)
- I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready!
- She said, "I wasn't ready."
(DC laughs)
- (beep) Can't shake hands with your conscious,
stupid ass boy. I'm yo thoughts.
(beep) shook hands with his brain, ugly ass boy.
But (beep) all that. Boy, yo head (audiences cheers over DC)
Boy, yo head shaped like Squidward's house,
stupid ass (beep).
♪ Oh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea ♪
You, ugly ass boy (beep)
(audience laughs)
Baggy draws, havin' ass.
(bell chimes repeatedly) (audience cheers)
I am Nicholas' thoughts.
This is everything that I'm thinking.
(sighs)
You know what? (beep) that (beep).
Boy, you blacker than a mother (beep).
(audience laughs)
(beep) I am Sky's thoughts.
Sky, the way you just spit out that water
was sexy as (beep) got damn.
Nick, do those turbans come in one size?
Like, do they got baby-size turbans?
(beep) that. Girl, yo ass look like green PowerPuff girl.
(beep) wrong with you.
(audience laughs) (bell chimes)
- I like your green hair, girl.
- I do, too, and everything nice. Ooh, PowerPuff girl.
♪ You got on the red waste trainer ♪
♪ ain't never seen that ♪
♪ Real talk. Listen. I mean that ♪
♪ Look. I'm going to tell you, it looking scary ♪
♪ You look like that nasty ass strawberry ♪
♪ (beep) in the bottom of the bag ♪
(buzzer)
♪ With the body you wish you never had ♪
♪ I'm wrapping on this beat with yo bald headed ass ♪
♪ And you be hatin' over that because you really trash ♪
♪ And you ain't ever had no job ♪
♪ You hatin' on the red and black squad ♪
♪ Every time you want rap, ♪
♪ (beep) take a nap (beep) ♪
♪ Ass tired. Man look, don't give me gap (beep) ♪
♪ Cause I don't (beep) with you ♪
♪ Nick don't (beep) with you ♪
♪ Listen. You like Cliff Huxtable ♪
♪ You was good ♪
♪ But then yo ass goin' back to the hood ♪
♪ Walkin' ass ♪
(bell chimes repeatedly)
♪ Walkin' ass ♪ (horn blasts)
♪ Walkin' ass ♪ (audience cheers)
Big Mac. Come here, Big Mac.
♪ Now, listen, Big Mac. Heee ♪
♪ You'll never have a six-pack. Heee ♪
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
♪ You got belly rolls ♪
(bell chimes) (audience laughs)
- Okay.
♪ I said DC, you know, I like the action ♪
♪ And you look like an undercooked Michael Blackston ♪
(bell chimes)
- I look like a what?
♪ An undercooked Michael Blackston ♪
♪ You want some nachos, please ♪
♪ Mixed with some broccoli ♪
♪ You want a pile of greens ♪
(laughs)
- Hold up.
♪ I said, I'm gon' come through ♪
♪ You know I damage ya ♪
- [Audience] Hey!
♪ Who the hell dressed you ♪
♪ Like a strip club manager ♪
(audience laughs) (bell chimes)
- Who look like a strip club manager?
What you laughin' at, ugly ass boy?
(audience laughs)
You know what? I'm so tired of this (beep).
Stop that. Stop that.
(beep) that. Big Mac, bring your stupid ass up here.
You too DDG, whatever you is. DDT. (beep) wrong with you?
Chico, you stay yo' little ass right here.
Now Big Mac, don't come for the red squad.
You already know who we the best.
Yo ass ain't got no neck. So when you swallow,
your food go straight to yo chest.
Now listen.
(bell chimes)
Hold up. Chico. Yo body is so sloppy.
You dress like a security guard
that ain't going to chase nobody.
(bell chimes) (cast speaks over each other)
Wait a minute!
I ain't done!
We ain't no damn busters.
Nick, you lied to me. Who is this?
You said we were gonna get Usher!
- Hey, I tell him like this.
♪ Yo, for years I've been putting food in y'all mouth ♪
♪ I don't really care about that 85 South ♪
♪ Cause I'ma let ya know ♪
♪ Don't bite the hand that feeds ya ♪
♪ Cause (beep), next season ♪
♪ I don't really need ya ♪
(bell chimes)
- [Man] Ooh!
- Since you said that, look.
♪ Now you said that you was gonna fire us ♪
♪ And I need for you to know ♪
♪ If you fire me, him, and him, guess what ♪
♪ Ain't no body finna watch this show ♪
(bell chimes) (audience laughs)
- You know what? It's time to get serious DJ D-Wrek.
Cut the beat. (horn blast)
- You know what I mean.
His teeth so small, I bet he loves eating sunflower seeds.
Don't nobody give a (beep).
(bell chimes)
- DC, going against me, I'm alive and swell.
You so skinny, you hopped out the shower
and was dry as hell.
(audience laughs) (bell chimes)
- Come back here. I'll mow yo ass. Yeah.
Y'all don't know. When you touch him,
he makes sounds effects.
Bloop! Bloop! Pop!
(buzzer)
I wasn't'. (beep) move.
(audience laughs)
Oh, hold up!
Seems like you got some nerve all of a sudden.
Every mother (beep) show, you (beep) up
and all you gotta do is press a button.
I don't see no songs. Nick's song, Nick's song.
There goes another one of Nick's song
Uh-oh. Look like you need to hop off a (beep) song,
ugly ass boy.
- Hey, you done been on TV for years. Yeah that's true.
But how's it feel to be on television and this all you do.
(buzzer and horn blasts)
(audience cheers)
- Come here Carter. Come here Carter.
I want y'all to look at this. Look at this face.
(laughs)
♪ Now Carter, just chill. ♪
♪ Your girl know I'm a rider man, ♪
♪ but don't he look like the Green Goblin ♪
♪ from the movie "Spider-Man" ♪
(bell chimes)
No (beep). I don't (beep) with you.
Hold up. Let me get Justina's ass.
♪ Listen, you picked on me all last season. Yes ♪
♪ And you were saying (beep) for no reason ♪
♪ Now last year you called me a toothpick ♪
♪ And girl that stings ♪
♪ But yo voice sounds like the little man ♪
♪ From "Lord of the Rings" ♪
(bell chimes) (audience cheers)
♪ DC, you ain't something insane. ♪
You look like a pubic hair that got stuck in the drain.
(bell chimes) (audience laughs)
- Hold on. Hold on. Don't do that. Stop.
You got something, stop that. Stop that (beep).
(beep) talking to me.
All them bars you just spit was whack though.
Nick, what's up my (beep)?
You hired all these white folks.
I thought this was a black show.
(audience laughs) (bell chimes)
- DC, DC so mad. Boy, take a vacation.
This is season 15. Gentrification.
- [Nick] There it is
(bell chimes) - Hold up.
Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.
- We love white people.
- Matt, I know you ain't talking.
Let's go ahead and set this thing clear.
(beep) Yo ass got fired.
What the (beep) are you doing here?
(audience cheers) (bell chimes)
- Okay. All right. Okay, okay.
You think I got fired, but that ain't legit.
Like Royce's barber. I said, "I quit."
(bell chimes)
- He said he quit. That sound kind of funny.
That (beep) back. I guess he needed more money.
(audience laughs) (bell chimes repeatedly)
- Okay. One more. All right.
- Ding, ding, ding. - No, no, no.
- You say. You say I need money. Maybe that's true.
But at least I didn't do "How High 2".
(audience laughs)
- Ding, ding!
- Why you talkin' 'bout my white brother getting fired?
Yeah, it's something we could tell.
He got fired from "Wild 'N Out",
That ain't as bad as getting fired from "TRL".
(audience cheers)
- Wait a minute!
Wait a minute! - Hold on, Wait a minute.
- This (beep) right here finna hurt.
Sorry, white boy.
They got rid of his ass first.
(audience cheers)
- They both got fired. They both got fired.