MAN AND WOMAN GROAN
MUSIC: Hallelujah Chorus from Messiah by Handel
MUSIC THUMPS DOWNSTAIRS
Mission accomplished?
Yep.
Was it OK for you? Yeah.
Yeah, it was good, thanks.
You? Yeah.
Yeah, I enjoyed it. Thanks.
No longer virgins.
Weird, isn't it?
Yeah.
Did you...?
Oh, yeah, I reckon I came.
Definitely. You?
Yeah.
A bit, I think.
Cool.
So, did it hurt?
I've heard it can hurt the first time.
I mean, it was a bit...uncomfortable at times but nothing bad.
Oh...
Maybe I...didn't do enough...
You know...
Tongue...
..and stuff.
I'm sure you did.
Sorry I leaned on your hair.
I lost my balance. It's all right!
I'll tie it back next time.
Erm, I mean, not that there has to be a next time.
Oh, right.
You know, it's cool...whatever.
Actually...maybe next time we could try a different position.
Sure...
I read about this thing called reverse cowgirl.
Right...
So that's where the girl goes on top of the guy,
like she's riding a horse but she's facing the back of the horse.
Why would anyone do that?
I don't know.
If they're being chased?
What about the wheelbarrow? OK, what's that?
OK, so I read about it in Cosmo.
So I go upside down and then my legs are the handles
and my head's the wheel.
And what do I do?
You're the gardener.
Right.
A gardener who has sex with his wheelbarrow!
SHE LAUGHS
Yeah, I suppose. Weird, but OK...
By the way, I am so sorry about getting the hiccups.
It just happens when I'm nervous, the same thing happened when
I met Stormzy.
No problem, I got nervous too.
I think that's why it started to...go away a bit at the end.
Didn't even notice.
Just happy it did anything, I was worried it was just going to...
..lie there. I was worried you were just going to lie there.
I kind of did!
Oh, no, I wasn't saying that.
I basically froze, didn't I?
No... I saw this documentary about sharks.
If you rub their nose, they kind of like zone out.
I was totally like one of those sharks.
At least you did something! Not for long.
So...
MUSIC AND PARTY GET LOUDER
What were you thinking...
..when it was happening...?
Erm...
.."I'm having sex!"
Yeah...same.
I think we're quite similar.
Shall we go back down to the party?
I mean, we don't HAVE to, if you don't want to.
It's just it's only been ten minutes.
If we go back down now, it's not
going to make me look fantastic, is it?
Ten minutes - it's nothing.
Well...
That shark thing's on YouTube, if you fancy it.
How long's that?
About an hour. Oh, perfect.
Perfect.