[laughing]
Carly, get in here right now. [snapping]
Have a seat.
So, I understand you put some flyers up
all over the school.
Yes, I did.
Why would you Photodock my head onto the body of a rhinoceros?
- Well I-- - Rhinoceros?
Oh, no, no, no. She made you a hippopotamus.
No, no, she's a rhinoceros.
A hippo has fatter thighs and a wider snout.
What does it matter?
I think we should call her father in to discuss this.
Um, my dad's stationed in Europe right now.
He's in the military.
Well, there must be some adult in charge of her.
My older brother, Spencer,
Oh, yes... [chuckles]
the artist.
He's a great artist.
Look, we don't need to call her brother in about this.
I'm sure that you can come up with a suitable punishment.
[chuckles] Fine.
You know, Carly, I am in charge of the talent show this year.
Yeah, you're holding auditions on Saturday.
- No, you are. - Huh?
I will be enjoying my Saturday
while you videotape the auditions for me.
No. I'm going to see Cuddlefish play live
at the Hawthorne on Saturday.
Not anymore.
Ah, come on!
It's what you get for turning me into a hippopotamus.
- Rhinoceros. - Get out!
Right.
In five... four... three... two.
[music playing]
♪ I know, you see ♪
♪ Somehow the world will change For me ♪
♪ And be so wonderful ♪
♪ Live life, breathe air ♪
♪ I know somehow We're gonna get there ♪
♪ And feel so wonderful ♪
♪ And it's all real ♪
♪ I'm telling you Just how I feel ♪
♪ So wake up the members Of my nation ♪
♪ It's your time to be ♪
♪ There's no chance Unless you take one ♪
♪ And the time to see The brighter side ♪
♪ Of every situation Some things are meant to be ♪
♪ So give me your best And leave the rest to me ♪
♪ Leave it all to me (Leave it all to me) ♪
♪ Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me ♪
Uh! Let me go!
- Say you're sorry. - I'm sorry!
And what are you sorry for?
For saying you're aggressive!
[banging, groaning]
And what am I again?
Pretty and sweet!
Thank you! Now the next time...
Ow, hair, hair, hair.
- Hi. - Did you get in trouble?
Of course I got in trouble! Teachers tend to get upset
when you put their heads on the bodies
of big, fat animals!
I... I can't believe I let you talk me
into taking the blame for you!
You had to.
I've already been suspended once this semester.
If I'd gotten busted they'd have expelled me.
- Well, here's an idea. - What?
Stop doing bad things!
Hey. Chillax.
I will not chillax! And get excited,
'cause you and I get to spend our entire Saturday here
videotaping kids' auditions for the talent show.
Whatev.
You know, anybody but me would punch you
right in the head.
Which is why you are my best friend.
Good to know. Now, why are you mine?
Because I'm a lovable person.
[groaning]
[beeping]
You dropped this!
Um, thanks, but you...
I-I was gonna walk you home from school
but I couldn't find ya. Hey!
Freddie, were you just looking out your peephole
waiting for me to come home?
- No! - Freddie.
Yes.
I thought we talked about this. We can be buds,
but you gotta get over this crush thing.
I am over it. Seriously.
I'm in love with you. You just wanna be friends.
And I'm totally cool living with that constant pain.
Oh, God.
I'm home!
Hey, kiddo! Up here!
Just taking some pics of my robot sculpture.
Smile! Yeah.
You know, for most eighth grade girls,
if they came home and found their 26 year old brother
dangling upside down from the ceiling
over a giant robot made out of soda bottles, it'd be weird.
You're saying I'm abnormal.
Do I need to say it?
Come down from there before you hurt yourself.
No worries. I got my leg wrapped around this pipe.
[screaming]
Please help me stand up.
Are you all right?
Yeah. Nope.
I dislocated my shoulder again.
One sec. [grunting]
Yeah, that fixed her.
Good. So listen, I need a favor.
- Shoot. - I have to tape
a bunch of auditions at school on Saturday.
- Fun. - Yeah, not really.
Anyway, would you let me borrow your video camera?
- I would. - Awesome.
Though I can't.
Why not?
[chuckles] I made it into a squirrel.
I told you the front doors would be locked.
You gotta go around to the blue doors
in back of the... Oh, my God.
What do you think of my equipment?
I just asked to borrow your video camera.
What is all this?
Well, that's a three chip high-def camcorder
with a hyper-cardioid condenser microphone
mounted on a carbon fiber tripod with a low drag fluid head.
I also brought you juice and a bagel.
Hey, you invited the doof.
- Sam. - Ah, man!
I didn't know that was gonna be here.
"She." I'm a she, Freddie, as in "girl."
Just keep your hands off my AV equipment.
You mean I can't play with the white balance
on your super-dee-duper-dee camcorder?
Ah, sure! Everybody jokes about the white balance
till their skin tones go magenta.
[clearing throat]
Carly will never love you.
That's it!
I'm taking my stuff and I'm going home.
Please stay.
Okay,
Okay, Jeb, you ready to audition?
Yeah. I will be performing a scene from a French play
called [speaking in a foreign language]
O... kay.
We don't know what that means, but knock us out.
- Rolling? - Rolling.
[clearing throat]
But but where did she go?
I don't know.
But when will she be back?
I don't know.
Well, where can I find her?
I tell you, I do not know!
- Okay. - Nice job.
Yes. Uh-huh.
- What do you think? - I don't know.
- You don't know? - I tell you, I do not know!
But you must know!
How can I know when I do not know?
I don't know.
I will play the trumpet.
- Great. - Nice.
While hopping on this pogo stick.
That's what I'm talking about!
- Great job! You go, girl! - Yeah.
- Pogo- tastic! - That's awesome!
Jump and blow!
So the doc says,
"Why'd you wait so long to bring her in?"
So I say, "I liked the eggs."
[laughing]
Whoa ho ho! [laughing]
Yay! Yeah, that's awesome. Thanks.
[laughing]
- Not that funny. - No, no, not at all.
But forget that.
Can we please discuss the boy's hair and glasses?
He looks like Miss Briggs.
Yeah, except he doesn't have Miss Briggs' crazy pointy boobs.
[laughing]
I know, what is up with those?
It's like she stuffs waffle cones in her bra.
Totally! I mean, she could poke an eye out
with one of those things.
[laughing]
Okay, okay, we better keep going.
We've still got 11 more kids to see.
Oh! 11?
Calm down.They can't get worse.
[beat boxing]
And I was wrong.
[beat boxing]
[tv playing]
Sam. [tv playing]
Sam.
[tv playing]
Wake up.
[yawning]
What time is it?
Late.
What time's your mom coming to pick you up?
She's not.
I told her you invited me to spend the night.
I didn't invite you to spend the night.
Well, you should 'cause I'm not leaving.
- What ya doing? - Checking to make sure
Freddie put the auditions online.
I told Miss Briggs we'd upload 'em
on SplashFace tonight
so she could watch 'em in the morning.
I kind of hate Miss Briggs.
Remember when she called me a demon?
- No! - Oh, Yeah.
It was when I put that raw chicken
- in her purse-- - Shut up and come look at this!
What, Freddie didn't upload the auditions?
No, he uploaded us!
- What? - Look!
It's like she stuffs waffle cones in her bra.
[laughing] Totally! I mean...
- That's you and me! - Sure is!
He wasn't supposed to film us!
We were being all goofy and acting like idiots all day!
Oh, my God.
We made fun of Miss Briggs and her crazy pointy boobs!
Whoa. If she sees that--
Anyone can see it! It's on SplashFace!
Okay, okay, chillax.
Look, see the view count?
Only 27 people have clicked on it.
Oh.
Okay, good.
- Sam? - Yeah?
That's 27,000!