- I am the guy that decides is it a pie or a cake.
Cake, pie, pie, cake.
(burps) I'm in charge.
(dynamic music)
- Hello.
Today we are going to talk about Benedict Arnold.
Benedict Arnold was a general in the American Revolution.
He's the hero of Saratoga,
but the Continental Congress promoted
five other generals and not Benedict Arnold.
Benedict Arnold was very bummed out by that.
So he goes to Philadelphia.
There's a young woman, Peggy Shippen,
who is the it girl of Philadelphia.
Peggy was like, I'm hilarious.
I'm British.
And I'm the most beautiful person that anyone's ever seen.
She has a suitor named John Andre.
But, Benedict sees her and just falls
crazy in love with her.
And tells her, it's better with you.
This is not an exact quote.
It's better, you were so great.
I love you so much, you're so great.
So she marries Benedict Arnold,
who I believe she also loved.
Oh God! - What?
- I just realized that it was being filmed.
- Oh my God.
- So anyway, Peggy says, sweet hot.
You deserve to be backed by
the government that you belong to.
You know, the British would appreciate you.
They would love you.
Also, my family's British.
Benedict's like, no, no, no, no.
I'm not gonna defect to the British, that's insane.
George Washington's my daddy, kind of.
Peggy says, look,
I have a friend in the British army, John Andre.
Benedict's like, is that guy your ex-boyfriend?
Peggy's like, well, I mean, Benedict.
If you really wanna be with me, be more confident.
And Benedict's like, yeah, yeah.
I am going to betray the United States because I love you.
And I'm going to prove to you that I am not jealous.
And makes love to his wife.
And she's like, I love it, I love being a spy.
This is so great because I love drama.
And Peggy Shippen, like what an adventure.
She was a sheltered, entitled (beeps).
I have this whole imaginary chorus of women that are like,
don't say (beeps), don't say (beeps), but she was a (beeps).
She was bad.
Peggy says, you write me letters.
I'm going to pass them on to John Andre.
So Benedict writes letters, which are really passionate.
They're like, oh Peggy, I love that I get to do it with you,
because he knows that John Andre is going to get them.
Also, the Continental Army is going to West Point.
Also, I love you, and I love you, I love you.
So they're passing letters back and forth,
back and forth, back and forth.
And eventually Benedict tells Don Andre, okay,
I'm gonna give you the information on how to attack us.
I'll tell you everything.
Also, I'm going to invite George Washington
to my house so you can take him if you want.
Like his friend.
- [Man] Love.
- Yeah, sex, sex so much.
So they meet behind American lines
and Benedict takes out all these maps and says, okay,
if you're going to attack, you need to attack this way.
And they're signed by Benedict Arnold,
which I don't understand why he would do that.
So John Andre starts headed home.
He doesn't get very far before he encounters three men.
They're like, whoa, okay.
You have a red coat and you have a British accent.
We're going to search you.
John Andre's like, ah, and he has these maps.
And they realize that Benedict Arnold has become a traitor.
So Benedict says to Peggy, babe, we've been found out.
And she's like, you just, you get out of here.
Like, I'll deal with it on this end.
Meanwhile, George Washington is walking up to their house.
George Washington, the head of...
Life.
The head of the entire Continental Army is like,
oh, I'm gonna have breakfast with a Peggy and Benedict,
my favorite people in the whole world.
He gets these papers that Benedict Arnold betrayed him.
And he very famously says, whom do we trust now?
I'm too drunk.
He goes to the house.
Peggy meanwhile, rips off half of her clothes.
She's holding her six month old.
Peggy says, ah, you are sent here to kill my baby.
Baby killer!
You're here to kill my baby.
And he's like, oh my gosh, you're crazy.
You're so crazy, no.
He's just like uh, women with their hysteria.
She's crazy right now.
But she's absolutely,
I can say without a doubt, that she is innocent.
She was, she was, she was brilliant.
She was great.
She wasn't great, she was bad.
(man laughs)
Anyway, Benedict Arnold joins the British.
He was like, hey,
I was American five minutes ago and now I'm British.
Let's do this.
And they were like, no, we don't trust you
because you're this traitor, (beeps) get out of here.
And he is shunned by everyone.
And then he was this like limping, sad man.
And before he died, he said to Peggy,
take out my Continental uniform, and she put it on him.
And he said, I regret ever wearing any other uniform.
And he died.
He died in his American uniform.
You know what is really funny about being drunk
is that you really feel like
you're doing all the important things that you needed to do.
- Right?
(both laughing)
- Good day.
My name is Duncan Trussell.
And today we're gonna talk about Edison. (laughs)
(upbeat music)
This story starts in New Jersey with Thomas Edison,
one of the great inventors of the time,
known as the wizard of Menlo Park.
He would get poor geniuses, gather them together.
And he's like, just make stuff for me.
If it's good, I'm gonna say it's mine, whatever.
You're gonna make money.
So just do it.
An inventor by the name of Muybridge,
came to New Jersey, shows this incredible device.
He'd managed to take a bunch of pictures of a horse running
and spin them on a cylinder in a way that gave it animation.
And Edison's like, you know, great, a horse running.
(laughs) Cool invention or whatever, bye.
And then he's like, we gotta (beeps) figure this (beeps) out
because people are gonna wanna watch this stuff.
We gotta start working on this (beeps) right (beeps) now.
And then in 1893, Edison is like,
I figured out how to do it, guys!
I can photograph and make a movie.
We can make movies now.
I came up with the very first camera, the Kinetograph.
And I figured out a way to look at the strings
of moving pictures, a Kinetoscope.
And it's all my idea.
My idea.
Yes people, (laughs) I'm too drunk.
Why would I take another drink?
So Edison needed content for his Kinetoscopes
and everything he was putting out was (beeps).
He's like, let's get (beeps) cats boxing, man.
And then vaudeville scenes of people chasing each other.
Let's film a blacksmith's shop.
Everyone's gonna wanna see that, right guys?
Right?
Right!
And they filmed it.
People were into it, man.
Freaking out.
Everyone's like, have you been to the Kinetoscope parlor?
Oh, you've gotta go.
It's incredible.
So people came to Edison.
They're like, hey, look what we can do.
We can project images on a screen.
He's like, wow, that's amazing.
I can't believe I invented that.
That's incredible.
I am so (beeps) smart.
Let's patent this (beeps).
Movies take off.
People love it.
They went to these places called nickelodeons.
For a nickel you're in a great theater.
Come on in.
People would sit in those theaters
and be like, this is awesome.
So then Edison creates an industry town,
and everyone comes to Fort Lee to start making movies.
And Edison squeezes all of them.
He was like, join me in what
we're gonna call the Edison Trust.
And all of you assholes can join together
with me and we're gonna make it
so that no other mother (beeps) make movies except us.
Got it.
Write it down in your notebook.
And everyone's like, great, let's do it.
I don't want you to sue me,
so I'll just agree to whatever you say
because you're super rich, and I just wanna make art.
So, great.
Sounds good.
They created a monopoly on all filmmaking.
There was a fellow by the name of Carl Laemmle,
went to one of Edison's (beeps) shows,
and was like, that is so bad.
People are paying a nickel to watch this (beeps).
Why don't we try to make our own movies?
And so Carl Laemmle starts making movies.
He creates his own theater.
And Edison is like, no, no.
I'm sorry, what are you doing?
You're not allowed to make movies.
And you're definitely not allowed to show movies
on my (beeps) equipment without paying me
a (beeps) licensing fee.
How dare you!
He sues Laemmle 284 times.
Laemmle's number one dream,
I just wanna one day make enough money
to take my family on a vacation in Europe.
And Edison is like, I'm gonna squash you like a (beeps) bug.
I'm the wizard of Menlo Park!
Take your (beeps) family on a vacation up my ass!
(man laughs)
Oh God, he was just, he was just eating a turd in the yard.
Edison was a bastard.
Imagine 284 lawsuits, man.
But Laemmle was like, (beeps) you.
I'm gonna keep making these movies.
And Edison, faced with true opposition,
started sending thugs to Laemmle's movie theaters.
People are just sitting and enjoying movies,
and all of a sudden Edison thugs would come
crashing through the door and be like,
(beeps) off, no one's watching this (beeps)!
This is not an Edison Film.
They would go to the productions,
beat up the (beeps) actors.
But Laemmle didn't back down.
There's three guys who kept making movies.
Laemmle, Fox, and Zukor.
And finally they realized,
what the (beeps) are we doing in New Jersey?
We're shooting films in New Jersey and,
on a daily basis, getting sued and beaten up.
Let's get the (beeps) out of New Jersey.
How about we go to (beeps) Los Angeles
where it's sunny all the time,
and you don't get your kicked by a dick.
That's (laughs) that makes great sense.
That's a great idea.
They headed to LA.
And those three heroes created
Universal Studios, Fox, and Paramount.
United States government recognized
that the Edison Trust was a monopoly and they broke it up.
Uh sorry, Edison, you can't have control
over all film being made in the world.
If we let you have your way, then people will be
looking at cats boxing until the planet blew up.
You (beeps).
You're trying to ruin your species
and you don't even realize it.
You greedy, reptilian (beeps) bag.
Still people are gonna think you're great though.
No, one's gonna know.
So, congratulations, demon.
I'm not saying inventors don't don't deserve
to be rewarded for their inventions.
But instead of suing people, you work with them.
And then the end result of that
is the entire planet wakes up.
We experience what's called the singularity.
Everybody gets dissolved by nanobots.
And we travel through the universe
as infinite beings of love.
- Hello, I'm Doug Jones.
And today we're gonna talk about Charles Joughin,
the chief baker on the RMS Titanic,
who saved his own life by drinking whiskey.
- That was great.
- Our story begins in 1912,
when the Titanic was ready for its maiden voyage.
Charles Joughin was hired as the chief baker.
He's 34 years old.
He's like, holy shit, this is the big times.
Any baking that comes out of this voyage,
I am the guy that decides is it a pie or a cake.
Cake, pie, pie, cake. (burps)
I'm in charge.
Also Charles Joughin was a lover of the booze.
He kept a flask on his person at all times.
He kept booze stocked in his personal cabin.
And he was actually making his own booze.
All right, so, April 14th, 1912, 11:40 PM.
At this point, Charles Joughin was drunk.
He's retired with a nightcap.
All of the sudden the Titanic hits the iceberg.
The whole room's shaking.
He gets up out of his bunk and he's like,
what the hell's going on?
Word started being passed down
that there was an emergency,
and they were deploying lifeboats.
And he's like, oh my God, that's serious.
But a little bit of whiskey made him keep his cool.
Charles Joughin arrives on the top deck.
It's time for him to get on the lifeboat.
But he begins escorting women and children
into the lifeboats.
Now some of the women declined to get in the lifeboat.
They looked at the lifeboat, they said, that's not safe.
I'm gonna stay on the Titanic.
Everyone says that it's unsinkable.
Charles Joughin was like, are you crazy?
Get on the lifeboat now.
And the women were like, no, you're a baker.
You look silly with your hat.
He's like, okay, well if you're not
getting on the lifeboat,
then I'll get you on the lifeboat for you.
And he starts picking up the woman and children,
takes them, throws them down.
He finishes loading the lifeboat.
He starts picking up deck chairs
and throwing them overboard. (laughing)
- Okay, keep going.
- The process of the sinking was in motion.
And there was no turning back at that point.
But he goes back to his cabin and he's like,
ugh, what a day.
He pours himself another glass of whiskey
and he just chills. (laughing)
When I laughed I blew, I blew alcohol into my face.
I blew it into my face. (exhales)
I'm doing a good job.
So, after 30 minutes, the water starts flooding in.
There's a huge crash. (yells)
And he's like, oh my God, what now?
Could this get any worse?
The Titanic breaks in half.
And the whole stern side of the ship starts tilting.
He goes back up to the deck.
Everybody's panicking.
Men, women, and children are sliding down the deck,
falling off of the boat.
He just kept his cool.
People are screaming. (shrieks)
He put his life belt on and he tightened it up.
And very casually marches up to the stern
and climbs over the railing.
He said out loud, well, here we go.
As the ship sinks, he's riding the stern
down like an elevator, very elegant,
like a full-on gentlemen.
And he just gracefully steps into the water.
Doesn't even get a single hair on his head wet.
Charles Joughin was the very last person on the RMS Titanic.
Because of the amount of alcohol,
he didn't feel the cold at all.
He was able to sustain the cold temperature
for over three hours.
The rescue ship finally arrives.
Out of the hundreds, and hundreds, and hundreds of people
who fell in the water, only six survivors.
When he gets on the ship, they're immediately
giving him medical attention and they decide to
thaw him out by putting him into a oven.
So he goes in the oven and he's just kinda like, wow.
Look at me now. (laughing)
Yesterday I was baking pies in an oven.
Today I'm in an oven, and I'm, I am the pie (laughing).
- I'm gonna shoot it with you.
But you realize we're about to be (beeps) freezing cold.
But remember--
- This is for Charles Joughin.
If he can do it, I can do it.
(both screaming and laughing)
- Let's get in the oven.
- Where's the oven?