[on the phone] No, no, what I’m saying is there was a card, but it is wrong.
There is no way that Betty decided to drop out and go home at 2 AM on a Friday night with none of her stuff.
And even if she did, there is no way in hell or Hogwarts she left me with this “official” notecard.
It is multiple choice!
[reading card] Dear student, your roommate no longer attends Silas University.
He or she (A) lost his or her scholarship and decided to go home
(B) has elected to attend another school due to your extreme incompatibility
(C) experienced a psychological event that left him or her unfit for student life
or (D) cited personal reasons, and really, why does anybody do anything?
Exit procedures have commenced; no action on your part is required. I mean --
Really? Not to mention that I found it next to a pile of ick that started growing mushrooms the next day.
So, what I’m gonna need from you, since nobody else seems to care that a girl is missing
is to talk to the dean of students, okay? [phone hangs up, dial tone]
Oh I swear, that is like the third time. [puts phone back on receiver]
Come on, Betty. Just text me back. Say that you’ve slept over with some subliterate gym shark or something.
Don’t judge. My dad thought I’d use an iPhone to send high resolution selfies
to potential stalkers.
Okay...
Come, join the fun.
[Answering machine message] You have reached the office of student affairs at Silas University.
If you know your party’s extension, please dial it at any time.
You have reached Silas Campus Security. If an incident is in progress,
please dial 4815 or active the nearest blue tentacle phone.
For missing persons, please press 1.
To report an escaped entity or poltergeist activity please press— [cell phone rings]
Uh... hi, Betty! Yes!
Oh, yes, yes!
Yeah, I am the girl with the missing roommate. Thank you so much for calling,
nobody else seems to… What?
No, I don’t need a new roommate! I already have a roommate.
Or, I would if she wasn’t missing. No, you can stop yelling! I’m just— [dial tone]
The university doesn’t wanna help find Betty? Fine.
I’ve got three weeks of a journalism class and I’ve seen all of Veronica Mars.
I’ll find her myself.
This is insane
There were hundreds of kids at that mixer and nobody saw anything.
Like our floor don, Perry.
[imitating Perry] Um, I may have seen her dancing across the quad, but I don’t know,
things just got so foggy after the alchemy guys released, you know, the fog…
Or the creeps from Zeta Omega Mu.
[imitating a Zeta] Uh, like a hottie in a pink halter?
I hit, like, three of those last night, chiquita.
Or, anybody really.
[imitating anyone] Yeah, but wasn’t she with you?
She was.
God, why didn’t I keep better track of her? What the hell happened last night?
Hey.
Um. Excuse me, but who the hell are you?
Carmilla.
I’m your new roommate, sweetheart.