( bright, upbeat music )
Welcome back.
We're hanging out with Craig Robinson,
he's got a new show, "Ghosted" on FOX,
plus he's got a new horror-comedy film out
called "Tragedy Girls."
You got a little something in your beard.
I'm not gonna let that continue.
Wow.
- ( laughter ) - Thank you.
I think you got one of my beard hairs--
Hold on, we haven't been kissing.
- ( crew laughter ) - Not in here.
Wait, can we do this? Tell him what we're doing.
Craig, we want to get to know you a little bit better.
And we could just ask you some questions,
- but what would be the fun in that? - None.
So what we have done is we have run some questions
- through Google Translate. - Okay.
Started in English, went to another language,
and came back to English,
and so we're gonna ask you those questions.
Excellent.
Do you speak Google?
I speak iPhone.
- Okay. - ( crew laughter )
I don't know how this is gonna go.
I don't know how close this is to iPhone speak,
but let's find out.
Okay.
"Off in here?"
- That's the question? - Yeah.
Sure, yes.
( crew laughter )
I've never seen you here before,
but you're, like, creeping around?
"So off in here?"
- Oh. - Oh.
- I understand. - Yeah, exactly.
Man, this is confusing.
I should've said "often."
- I'm just gonna... - I don't believe in pronouncing the "T" in "often."
Often? I got another one.
Oh, it was good.
( laughs ) It was good.
"When you were in the 'Ghosted' group?"
So there's a group.
Yeah, there's a group of us.
And we get together and we film a show for FOX
called "Ghosted" and it's good.
Yeah, it's a good group. Good show, good group.
- Good show, good group. - Link: Yeah, really.
- Yup. - Tell you what.
( crew laughter )
I gotta say I have.
But, if you were to tickle a ghost,
where would you tickle it,
I think is what I'm trying to ask.
Well, you start in the usual tickle place.
And then,
a favorite of mine is the knee.
- Oh, yeah. - Like the back of the knee?
No, no, right between the thigh...
Oh, you're talking about "cow eats corn."
Is that what that's called?
Yeah, I ask my kids, I'm like,
"You know how a cow eats corn?"
And then I grab their knee
and I like-- and they hate it!
But is that how a cow eats corn?
I didn't make it up.
It's something that I got from my family.
Yeah, your family. There's a lot of expressions
that you're like,
"Haven't you heard that before?"
And it's only within your family.
My family is very insulated
and we've entertained ourselves.
Yeah.
- Were you home schooled? - ( laughter )
No, but we weren't let out of the hatch until we were 15.
Oh, nice.
I got another great one, I'm sure.
Mm-hmm.
I have two, they're in the water.
What's their names?
Haag and Priscilla.
Haag and Priscilla?
Used to be Haag and Dazs,
but Dazs is no longer with us.
- Turtles live forever, though. - Drug overdose.
- But he... - ( laughter )
But, yeah, Haag and Priscilla, and they--
yeah, they hang out.
They'll outlive me for sure.
Except for Dazs.
But, um...
but, yeah, so I love them
because, you know, they're my turtles.
And the other day, this happened,
I needed to get food for them.
- Mm-hmm. - So, uh...
when I get up in the morning, and they know I'm up,
they're, like,
you know, scratching at
- Oh, really? - the tank,
and you hear all the rocks moving.
And, uh... I didn't want them to do that
'cause-- and I didn't have food for them, so I had to go get,
so I snuck out of my place, and, like,
got outside the door I was like, "You just did that."
You're hiding from the turtles.
I was hiding from the turtles
They are running your life, man.
Yeah, well, sometimes, sometimes.
- Yeah, I understand. - Link: Mm.
Mm. In German?
- I don't know. - Okay, here we go.
I'll just tell you German.
Um...
( speaking German )
( laughs )
( speaks German )
I just said, "I was married. My wife is dead."
Like, can you go to Germany and speak with people?
That's all I can say in German.
- ( laughter ) - So you can just...
Craig: That's easy.
First you have to have
- your diet correct, okay? - Mm-hmm.
- You want to exercise, - Okay, diet...
and you want to drink a lot of water
and you will keep your bunker eucalyptus intact.
- I think you guys look like you're fit. - Yeah.
Our bunker eucalyptus is doing really well.
And if you don't do that, you'll get bunker foot.
De-bunker eucalyptus.
- ( laughs ) - All right.
You're speaking Google now, buddy.
You better believe it.
Absolutely.
My 12-year-old is a very talented mumbler.
- Oh, yeah? - It's like it comes naturally.
It's something about the age.
Does your 12-year-old play "Boom, Snap, Clap"?
Is that like a party ice-breaker?
It can be.
It's-- you go, like, boom, snap, clap.
And then you go boom, boom, snap,
- Clap. - clap, snap.
- So it goes boom, snap, clap. - Boom, boom, clap.
- Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap. - Boom, snap, clap.
Boom, snap, clap. Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap.
Boom, snap, clap.
- Boom, boom. - Snap, clap, clap.
- Boom... - Boom,
- snap, clap. - snap, clap.
- Boom, boom, snap, - Boom, boom, snap,
- clap, snap. - clap, stap-- snap.
And how do you win?
Okay, so what you do is you do it like four times, like,
- Boom, snap, clap. - Snap, clap.
- Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap. - Snap, clap, clap.
- Boom, snap, clap. Boom, boom. - Boom, snap, clap, snap.
- Boom, snap, clap. Boom, boom, snap, - Boom, boom, snap,
- clap, snap. Boom, slap, clap. - clap, snap. Boom, slap, clap.
- Boom, boom, snap, shh! - Boom, boom, snap, clap--
- Shh. - It's just not--
It's really not a win,
it's just something that two people do together.
- Two or more. - Boom, snap, clap.
Both: Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap.
- Boom, clap. - Boom, clap, clap.
It's tough, but I'm getting it.
- Mm. - All right, everyone check out
Craig's hilarious new show, "Ghosted,"
which is on Sunday nights at 8:30 on FOX,
and also go see his new movie "Tragedy Girls."
Click through to find out if Link can tell the difference between
real Nickelback lyrics and some crap I made up.
- Boom, snap. - Boom.
- Boom, snap, clap. - Snap, clap.
- Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap. - Boom, boom, snap, clap, snap.
Yes! Well done, sir.
Rhett:
on the latest episode of "Ear Biscuits,"
available now wherever podcasts are "podcast-able."