Maybe women would want your wiener if you weren't a schlub.
Hello underachievers!
It is pride month, and you know what that means?
Yeah! That's right!
- Time to hate the straights. - No!
Heterosexual positivity.
Yay!
Yay...
You guys have asked for more "are the straights okay?" content,
which I'm happy to make,
but while I was looking through the "are the straights okay?" reddit,
I actually found some quite funny things made by straight people.
Uh!
Before you watch this video, obviously, Corry is sat here.
- You should go check out-- What? - My video... we did on my channel.
Your favorite straight couple--
US
were just engage in some fun, straight, not bashing--
- What's the opposite of bashing? - Loving.
That's a joke, we're not actually straight.
We're both actually bi.
On to the video!
- "Why would a fly land on something like this?"
Why would a fly land on a Venus flytrap?
Because the Venus flytrap makes it smell all good for the fly.
- "Rat should be ashamed for falling in this trap".
- A rat trap. - But there's cheese.
- "Bears should not fall in this trap".
I would argue that people should-- Bear traps.
Why are they shaming all these animals for doing things that are designed to like, trick them.
Why would you shame a fly for falling in a Venus flytrap?
It's in the name.
And the fly probably knows that.
The fly doesn't know that it's in the name because the fly doesn't speak English.
You don't know that the fly doesn't speak English!
- "Marriage is a trap".
Why would a woman marry a man when she could marry a woman?
I think it's, actually, why is the man in the trap with the woman?
- But that's stupid. - Yeah, I know it is.
It's the woman that's in a trap.
- But-- - Women can marry women now.
They don't need to marry men anymore.
That's true.
That's an old tradition, ladies. You don't need to find a man.
Marry your gal pal.
But also, marriage is a trap.
Are there any benefits to marriage apart from the party?
Look, let's not bring your [ ] on to this.
Tax purposes, sure!
Just 'cause no one in your family can stay married,
does not mean that marriage is an issue.
- Marriage is the issue! - No, I think it's your family.
- Husband: "I want you to have this bracelet.
"it belonged to my grandmother".
The wife says: "Why does it say, 'do not resuscitate?' "
[ Laughter ]
- Yes! - [ Laughter ].
- You've redeemed yourself, heterosexuals! - It's really funny.
- That's clever, it's smart. - It's like, "I don't want my wife dead.
"If I had the opportunity, I'm not putting an effort to bring her back".
Don't try and pander it to the straights.
I know it's pride month, but you're not a multinational conglomerate, aren't you?
Are you conglomerate?
You can't just say the words that I've said and came back to me.
- I'm letting you know that I listened. - I know you listened.
- "Life is like a corn dog, [ ] only want your wiener if you got bread.
Huh, that's funny.
Those words all mean multiple things.
This is not true, because women wanted me
before I had money, but I don't have a wiener.
- Do women want you? - I... maybe?
I think a lot of guys that say "women only want guys with money",
just aren't very nice.
They change the phrase every week.
Like, "women only want men who are tall".
- "Women only want men who are-- - Emotionally available.
- Attractive. - Who are like, nice to them.
- Friendly. - Wouldn't stop being their friend,
because the woman doesn't want to date them.
That's what women want.
God, women being so picky! Not just taking some random schlub.
Maybe women would want your wiener if you weren't a schlub.
Maybe women would want your wiener if you were a woman.
I agree.
- That was very insightful. - What does it mean?
Look, I have no arms. Where have they gone?
I found them.
- "Did you know that shaking hands with a woman is like shaking hands with a child?
"It seems artificial and vaguely patronizing.
"The handshake was designed as a greeting between men to show that your sword hand was empty".
- Women can hold swords. - Women can hold swords.
- Jinx. - That wasn't even scripted...
- [ Laughter ]. - That wasn't even scripted.
I don't like the comparison of women to children.
I should say something intelligent about how like, women are infantilized.
- And that's bad... - You want me to say it for you?
I think you should say it.
I feel like this is just another case of men infantilizing women to degrade them;
but also, still sexualizing them, which just speaks to the sort of inherent
sexualization of young women that is so present in many men, today.
Everything you said was right, but it just felt fake.
The next post I'm about to show you is not heterosexual positivity.
This behavior should not be encouraged.
You should not tweet this kind of thing.
- "Women are built for breeding, not leading".
- It's funny because it rhymes... - [ Laughter ].
It's not true!
Don't say anything, I need to collect my thoughts.
Whose hair is this?
Women aren't actually built "for breeding".
Do you know why labor is so painful?
Because baby humans heads are too big to have give birth,
and to be good at it.
Did I say that correctly?
You know how when a horse is born,
like a baby horse, like a pony, like a little horse is born;
drops straight out of the horse's vagina and starts running and skipping around.
Human babies don't do that because they have to be like, born early,
because otherwise they'd be too big to give birth to.
Men are built for seeding, not leading.
- See? I can rhyme stuff too, - Just because it rhymes
DOES mean it's true.
No, I am actually more inclined to believe something that rhymes.
Like, this is one of the pictures that I saw on Reddit,
and I was like,
"okay, maybe heterosexuals do deserve rights".
There's been a fly next to my eye this whole time.
[ Buzzing ]
- Husband: "Can I cum in you ear?"
- Wife... - "No, I might go deaf".
- Husband: "That's funny,
"because I always come in your mouth, but you never shut the [ ] up!"
[ Laughing ] That's really funny.
It's funny, and it's not funny because it's sexist.
It's funny because it's smart.
- And it's not smart-- - It is sexist, though.
The sexism is not the sole joke.
It does seem to be making a statement that all women don't shut up,
a little bit?
- And why should they? - It'll be two seconds.
Ah! One.
- "At this point, I've just accepted
"that no girl is mature enough to be in a relationship from the ages of 17 to 22.
"All it is is sleeping around,
"getting drunk and trying to get the attention of every guy possible".
One, let them do what they want.
Two, maybe girls just don't want to date you.
This baffles me, right?
Because every single time it's a post from like, some straight guy,
that's like, "oh, women suck because they all hate men,
"and they don't want to date, and they just want to get attached".
Maybe you're the problem!
Maybe women just don't like you because you talk about them like that!
Or you don't treat them nicely.
Or you only treat them nicely so you can have sex with them!
Like, just treat women like people,
and funnily enough, they'll probably be nice to you!
The lack of accountability is very obvious, because instead of being like,
"oh, maybe I am the problem if every woman in my life hates me".
50% of the population, probably, isn't the problem.
- "You're always saying you 'want something real',
"but when it's standing there. smiling at you, checking up on you,
"and going above and beyond to treat you like a queen,
"you turn it down so fast!"
Hold on, he sounds overbearing.
Maybe that's not what they want.
Maybe they just want something real
that isn't gonna like, be standing, smiling at them.
I feel like, if you're talking about like,
you're a girl getting attention from every other guy,
to me, it just sounds like a jealous kind of person that's like,
"who are you talking to? Who's this guy? What's going on?"
"Why is your Snap score going on?
"Who you Snapchatting? Oh, I'm just joking".
- "This generation is nothing but a bunch of fake self-centered little kids
"that can't grow up".
That is very true,
because you know what a fake self-centered kid that can't grow up would do?
Would make a post whining about why girls don't like them
and that's why girls are the problem.
But, specifically, only 17 to 22 year olds,
so if you're 16 or over 23...
you're fine.
Apparently, after a breakup, men are really sad for a bit,
and then they get over it, because they're men
and they don't dwell on things. They don't get upset.
They just work out and get really buff,
whereas women eat food and, apparently, gain weight.
So this is just a man that made this and was like,
"haha, it's funny when we break up, because you become fat".
"You become undesirable, blah blah blah".
You know what?
No amount of working out is gonna fix your personality.
Obviously none of this is okay, but I also kind of feel bad,
because I'm just like,
"men feel like they need to look this way to get women to like them",
when really, if you like, spoke to a woman,
she probably wouldn't be like, "yes, I only like men who have six-pack abs".
I feel like no one's really gonna say that.
- Literally, just watch the end of 'Superbad'. - Yeah.
- "If you cheat on your girl once a month, that's only 12 out of 365 days.
"You're still 97% faithful, That's an A+".
That's not bad, that's true.
Can you put all those 12 days into like, one raucous love-making session?
Or does it have to be once a month? Like a monthly payment deal.
I don't know why you're asking me.
Well, I was just wondering what our plan was.
- Because I have-- - Do what you want!
I've been doing six days every six months.
It just-- It suits my plan better.
- It suits my schedule. - Yeah.
- He's not wrong. - No.
- 97%. - It's still an A+, yeah.
Very decent.
Do you know what girls look for in laptops?
Mmm, pink, probably.
Is it pink?
Oh, is it pink, cute and...
- A camera. - So close.
So, apparently, when choosing laptops, girls go for "color, size, camera";
and boys go for "RAM, graphic card,
"processor, cache, display size, backlit keyboard, HDMI port", blah blah blah.
Boring!
If it looks nice and it works...
I'd go for a MacBook.
I don't want to have to look at all that stuff.
Am I a girl?
To be fair, any time I buy a MacBook, I'm like,
"oh, look, it's got this", and I have no idea what it means,
but it sounds good.
- "My grandfather told me that when my grandma gets mad at him,
"he tightens the pickle jar lid so she'll have to talk to him.
"I want that".
That sounds like something that I would do.
Ingenuity.
[ Laughing ] I wish anyone would do that.
I enjoy it.
I like it.
I support it.
It's funny.
- That's funny. - Like, I would genuinely do that.
That is a really solid plan, because it's like--
It's not super manipulative, but like--
What if she really needed pickles?
She was in a pickle crisis, she was feeling picklish,
and she couldn't have any pickles.
"If she wants a pickle, she's always got mine".
- This guy's... grandma. - "Pickle is my penis".
You're offering yourself up to some guy's grandma.
Depends on who the guy.
Well, that sounds like a good time to end this video.
So I can call your grandma.
I'm uncomfortable.
- Not yours. - I'm uncomfortable.
Right! That's the end of the video. Did you enjoy it?
How do you feel about heterosexuals now that we've shown a positive light?
Wow, I've have changed my mind!
I was once a heterophobe and now I'm a heterophile.
Hell yeah!
Anyway, happy pride month, gays!
Have a good... gay.
Be good or Daddy Kink-Miss will not bring you gifts.
- [ Laughter ]. - Anyway, see you on another video!
Have a good day, or don't!
See you later losers, goodbye.
That was-- That was quite hard.
- Yes, because that slipped. - Quite unnecessary.
I haven't punched it once.
- [ Punch ]. - Thanks.
No, I want to turn it off.