>> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY, TO "LATE SHOW,""
ALREADY IN PROGRESS.
FOLKS, THERE ARE SO MANY CRAZY STORIES COMING OUT ABOUT THE
TRUMP ADMINISTRATION IT CAN SEEM UNBELIEVABLE.
WHICH IS WHY I WAS SURPRISED TO HEAR ONE THAT I LITERALLY DO NOT
BELIEVE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE RUMOR OUT THERE THAT AT SOME OF TRUMP'S
APPEARANCES WITH HIS WIFE,
MELANIA, "THE FIRST LADY DEPLOYS A BODY DOUBLE."
WHICH I FIND TO BE COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.
THE IDEA OF DONALD TRUMP REPLACING HIS WIFE!
BUT EVEN THOUGH IT'S COMPLETELY UNBELIEVABLE, THIS RUMOR HAS
PERSISTED SINCE 2017, WHEN PEOPLE FIRST SAW THIS PICTURE
AND THOUGHT IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE MELANIA.
I DON'T KNOW, IN MY OPINION, THAT IS EITHER MELANIA OR
RAMI MALEK IS ABOUT TO WIN ANOTHER OSCAR!
I SMELL OSCAR BUZZ!
BUT THIS CRAZY BODY DOUBLE THEORY TOOK OFF ON TWITTER AGAIN
THIS WEEKEND WHEN #FakeMelania STARTED TRENDING.
FUN FACT: THESE DAYS, MOST OF TWITTER IS EASTERN EUROPEANS
FAKING AFFECTION FOR DONALD TRUMP.
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, THIS IS A COMPLETELY UNSUBSTANTIATED
RUMOR, BUT IT HAS BECOME SO WIDESPREAD THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP
EVEN WEIGHED IN ON TWITTER.
"THE FAKE NEWS PHOTOSHOPPED PICTURES OF MELANIA, THEN
PROPELLED CONSPIRACY THEORIES THAT IT'S ACTUALLY NOT HER BY
MY SIDE IN ALABAMA AND OTHER PLACES.
THEY ARE ONLY GETTING MORE DERANGED WITH TIME!"
(AS TRUMP)
CONSPIRACIES ARE SO BAD, EVEN WORSE THAN WHEN TED CRUZ'S DAD
KILLED J.F.K."
( LAUGHTER )
OPINION-- IT'S WORTH POINTING OUT THE IMAGES THAT STARTED THIS
RUMOR ARE NOT PHOTOSHOPPED.
BUT THE PRESIDENT IS HALF RIGHT, BECAUSE THIS IS NOTHING MORE
THAN A WILD CONSPIRACY THEORY.
FORTUNATELY, "THE LATE SHOW" HAS A SOURCE THAT CAN PUT AN END
TO IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.
PLEASE WELCOME, LIVE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE, THE ACTUAL FIRST
LADY, MELANIA TRUMP!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: MADAME FIRST LADY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING
US!
>> IT'S A PLEASURE TO BE HERE, STEPHEN!
OR AM I?
LAUGH >> Stephen: HA-HA.
OKAY, SO I TAKE IT YOU'VE HEARD THIS RUMOR ABOUT YOU EMPLOYING A
BODY DOUBLE?
>> YES.
IT MAKES NO SENSE!
HOW COULD THERE BE TWO MELANIA TRUMPS?
THINK ABOUT IT: DOESN'T IT SEEM CRAZY THERE IS EVEN ONE?
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: I GUESS SO, I GUESS SO.
SO, YOU'RE SAYING THOSE PICTURES ARE YOU AND NOT AN IMPERSONATOR?
>> OF COURSE IT IS ME, STEPHEN.
WHY WOULD ANYONE IMPERSONATE MELANIA TRUMP?
FOR WHAT?
ATTENTION?
APPLAUSE?
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TONY AWARD-WINNING ACTOR TO PULL OFF THIS ROLE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WOULD GET ONE OF THOSE.
MA'AM, MA'AM-- PLEASE.
IT'S A FAMILY SHOW, MA'AM.
MA'AM, IT'S AWE FAMILY SHOW.
NOW, I'M SURE YOU'RE RIGHT.
ANOTHER BUT WHO CAN BE CERTAIN YOU'RE THE REAL MELANIA TRUMP?
SAY SOMETHING ONLY MELANIA TRUMP WOULD SAY.
>> BE BEST?
>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT CHECKS OUT.
>> YES, YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW ANYONE ELSE WHO WOULD SAY THAT.
SO, JUST TO CONFIRM, YOU HAVE NEVER EVEN ONCE USED A BODY
DOUBLE WHEN APPEARING WITH YOUR HUSBAND IN PUBLIC.
>> NO.
BESIDES, IF I WERE GOING TO USE A DOUBLE, IT WOULD BE IN
PRIVATE, WHEN DONALD KNOCKS ON MY BEDROOM DOOR...
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WHEN HE KNOCKS ON MY DOOR AND HE ASKS FOR A PRESIDENTIAL
BRIEFING.
>> Stephen: YOU CALL IT A "BRIEFING?"
>> YES.
IT'S OVER IN TWO MINUTES, AND HE SPENDS THE WHOLE TIME CONFUSED.
OOOH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: I'M GOING TO TRY TO REDACT THAT MENTAL IMAGE.
HERE'S THE THING, MA'AM, IT SEEMS STRANGE, BUT SOME WORLD
LEADERS HAVE ACTUALLY USED BODY DOUBLES.
IS THAT SOMETHING THE PRESIDENT HAS EVER CONSIDERED?
>> OF COURSE, STEPHEN.
WE CONSIDERED IT, BUT WE COULDN'T TRAIN A MANATEE TO WALK
ON TWO LEGS.
( LAUGHTER )
HAVE A POINT TO MAKE?
>> NO!
>> Stephen: I THINK YOU DO.
>> THE POINT IS, STEPHEN, THIS IS ALL ONE GIANT DISTRACTION.
WE NEED TO FOCUS ON THE REAL ISSUES.
>> Stephen: I AGREE.
SPEAKING OF REAL ISSUES, YOUR HUSBAND HAS TAKEN A HARD LINE
AGAINST WHAT HE CALLS "CHAIN MIGRATION," BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY
HOW YOUR PARENTS RECENTLY RECEIVED THEIR CITIZENSHIP--
>> OH, NO MORE QUESTIONS, STEPHEN.
THIS IS BULLYING.
BYE-BYE!
>> Stephen: OKAY, I DON'T KNOW IF WE'RE INTO O.T. HERE.
BUT, OKAY
OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S GOING ON.
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE OFFENDED THE FIRST LADY.
>> NO, STEPHEN.
I AM STILL HERE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> YES.
IT IS ME-- THE FIRST AND ONLY FIRST LADY.
YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY.
( LAUGHTER )
MA'AM I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE THIS CONSPIRACY THEORY, BUT I
HAVE TO SAY, YOU SUDDENLY LOOK VERY DIFFERENT.
>> JUST LIKE THE MEDIA TO FOCUS ON MY APPEARANCE INSTEAD OF ALL
THE IMPORTANT WORK THAT I DO.
>> Stephen: AND WHAT IS THAT?
>> EXACTLY.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
THAT'S HOW LITTLE ATTENTION WE PAY TO IT.
>> Stephen: SO, MA'AM, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU ARE NOT A MELANIA
IMPERSONATOR?
>> OF COURSE NOT.
WHY WOULD ANYONE IMPERSONATE MELANIA TRUMP?
ESPECIALLY AFTER SOMEONE ELSE HAS ALREADY REALLY MADE THAT
ROLE HER OWN.
IT WOULD TAKE SOME KIND OF TWO-TIME TONY AWARD-WINNING
ACTOR TO PULL THAT OFF!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT.
GRANTED, YOU JUST SEEM DIFFERENT.
YOU SWEAR YOU ARE THE MELANIA TRUMP THAT IS MARRIED TO
DONALD TRUMP.
>> Stephen: YES, OF COURSE.
I AM MARRIED TO DONALD TRUMP AND WE ARE IN LOV--
IN LO-- OH, I CAN'T DO THIS.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I THINK-- I THINK-- I THINK SHE'S GONE.
>> NO STEPHEN.
I AM STILL HERE.
( LAUGHTER )
>> WHAT WAS YOUR QUESTION?
OH YEAH, I LOVE DONALD TRUMP.
JUST AS SURE AS I'M DONALD TRUMP.
>> Stephen: YOU MEAN MELANIA TRUMP?
>> BINGO.
>> Stephen: OKAY, YOU'RE DEFINITELY AN IMPOSTER.
BUT EITHER WAY, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP, EVERYBODY.
>> THANK YOU, STEPHEN!
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
SO NICE.
WHAT AN HONOR.