Hi Tripp, I'm a longtime listener of your How To Talk To Girls Podcast. I'm a huge fan of your
work and your advice. It has helped me with my relationships through college and to the pandemic
with your advice for dating apps. I've listened to a lot of your podcast and I've tried to find the
answer to my question without resolution. Oh, I can't wait. This is exciting. A little backstory.
I just graduated from college and had to move back home for a job that will help me
get accepted to graduate school. I live with my family in a rural county with less than 50,000
residents. The nearest bars and clubs to talk to attractive women around my age are an hour away. I
do well and have good conversations and get phone numbers, but I can never manage to seal the deal
and go home with any of them. I feel like a tool when it's almost closing and I ask "So where are
you going after this?" Mainly because I don't want to drive home, I've had a few drinks. My question
is, how can I get a girl to bring me home with her after a night out drinking and having conversation
and building attraction? Thanks, Nate. Nate, great question. I got an answer for you. I want to
give you an answer that is going to truly change the game for you. Instead of thinking about how
you can get her home... so you're saying how can I get a girl to come home with you after a night
of drinking and having conversation and building attraction... focus on getting dates instead of
same night lays. SNLs as we used to call them. Instead of trying to get an SNL,
same night lay, go for dates. I'll tell you why. In the long run, I believe you will actually
end up sleeping with more women and dating more women if you end up getting their number and then
going on a date with them. If you get a bunch of numbers in a night, not all of them,
but some of them will convert to a date and from there, it's going to be easier to get to the point
where you guys are sleeping together because she's going to feel more attracted to you than trying to
go for the pull. Of course, you can always get a bunch of numbers and then try to pull one home,
I guess. But still, my point is that even with that one that you're trying to pull home,
you'll be... odds are you'll be more likely to end up sleeping with her after
you guys end up exchanging numbers and you ask her out. It's more efficient that way. I want you to
think dates over pulling. "Pulling" is pulling her home for the jargon out there. I want you to focus
on specifically getting this to a date. You will see more success this way.
Because it is harder... and I'm not trying to steer you away from something that's hard.
And even if you're looking for casual relationships, I should add, if you're
looking for casual relationships, you still can go on dates. Some guys are like no, going on dates is
too romantic and it might turn into a... I'm not trying to get a girlfriend. That's fine,
you don't have to. People go on dates all the time and have casual relationships.
Don't think that date equals romance. It just means two people hanging out
that are attracted to each other and then you can build even more attraction. And what happens is...
so what's the reason by the way why most pulls don't work, besides logistics? Logistically,
it can be tough, she's with her friends, people are far, you've been drinking, whatever.
Besides logistics, the number one reason why it's harder to convert and get some woman to come home
with you is the idea of building comfort, the idea of safety. She does not feel safe
so fast like a guy does. Women have to worry about their physical safety,
they have to worry about their emotional safety, they have to worry about their friends and people
thinking that they're slutty, even themselves feeling that their slutty. Women are constantly
monitoring their social standings. They don't want to be thought of as a slut or someone who's easy.
That's why you can ask any guy and they'd take a girl home in a second and ask a girl and maybe she
wants to, but she's more hesitant. Why? Because she doesn't feel the comfort yet. The formula
is comfort plus attraction equals compliance. You need to build comfort with her (ie make her
feel safe) and one way to do that is by being in a variety of environments with her, also having a
variety of conversation topics. This reinforces that you two are the only constants. And so you
build comfort and then you build attraction and then you get compliance. Compliance meaning then
she'll go home with you, then she'll go on a date with you, then she'll sleep with you.
It's harder and less of a conversion to take a girl home than getting her number
and that's the reason why. So I urge you to think about this in a different way Nate.
And I understand it seems like you're in a small town, you got a lot of logistical issues.
But either way, if you're an hour away, it's no different doing that than getting a date.
And for someone like you, it's going to be more important to, or easier I should say,
to get a date than to pull them home because of your logistical issue. Think about that guys.
Think about dates over the idea of having to pull her home.