Oh hey everybody. This week on Ask Cristen it’s time for a little bit of cliteracy 101.
This week’s Ask Cristen question is coming from someone who would like to remain anonymous
and has a clitoral conundrum. So to summarize anonymous’ issue, she says that she recently
became sexually active with a female partner and before that, she masturbated and knew
that it took her a little while to reach an orgasm but now that she’s having partnered
sex it is zero, zilch, nada in the ozone. It’s not a lack of attraction, libido, feeling
like something is wrong or broken in her for being sexually active at this point. She says,
‘I apparently have a very small clitoris, which according to the above articles might
be why it is so hard for me to orgasm. Even though I am very sex positive and don’t
feel any shame about being sexually active, and I know that I am not “broken” and
there isn’t anything “wrong” with me, I still feel upset, frustrated, anxious and
stressed about it.’ First of all anonymous I want to assure you that you are by no means
alone. Studies and surveys that study the frequency of women orgasming purely through
vaginal penetration range between 30 and 40%. Statistically lesbian partners do tend to
enjoy more orgasms—apparently this is what I think an orgasm looks like—a 2014 study
in the ‘Journal of Sexual Medicine’ found that 25% of lesbians don’t have an orgasm
every time they have sex. You are totes normal. We might as well just rename this segment
from Ask Crispen—Crispen. Let’s [laughs]. Hi, welcome to Ask Crispen, aka Totes Normal.
Where am I? Oh God, it’s freaky Friday and I’ve traded bodies with someone named Crispen.
Is it Crispen Glover? Oh God. [Laughs]. Number 2 Anonymous: Your Clitoris isn’t too small.
Those 8,000 nerve endings in the glans which is the visible part of your clitoris, yeah
they can still fit in really, really, teeny, tiny, space. And at this point Anonymous is
saying, uh but what about that study which was widely disseminated across the internet
which found a relationship between small clitorises and anorgasmia, an inability to have an orgasm.
That study was based on but 30 women, mostly white, self-reporting about their orgasm frequency.
The study author for that small clitoris said, you know, we don’t know entirely what this
correlation or relationship between two variables means, we just know that it’s there and
that maybe it’s a possibility and [unsure sound]. Are you really going to take [unsure
sound] and apply it to [gasping sound], hmm? Finally, number 3 which is important for everybody
watching whether you have a vagina or not. When it comes to what our vulvas and more
specifically our vulvas look like, normal is non-existent. In 2005 the very first study
looking at a large study sample in an attempt to establish what normal might mean in terms
of vulval and clitoral dimensions, concluded that quote, “Women vary widely in genital
dimensions.” That’s as close as these researchers could come to establishing normal.
Also the sizes of our clitorises are constantly in flux. When you’re aroused it doubles
in size, by the time we’re in our sixties it has grown seven times the size it was during
puberty, there is a whole clitoral complex we cannot see with the naked eye that consists
from anywhere from 3.5 to 5 inches of erectile tissue. I think when it comes to these negative
emotions and anxieties that Anonymous has been experiencing, some of it likely stems
from the miseducation that many of us received regarding our anatomy, not really knowing
whether what we have is sufficient or sexy or normal. One final study finding that I
want to drop which is very relevant to Anonymous’ issue: Our genital self-esteem is very influential
on our sexual satisfaction. If we go into any kind of sexual activity just assuming
that something is wrong with us and something is going to be wrong, probably not going to
go well. Now dear viewers I want to know if you have ever grappled with any size anxieties
like this, whether we’re talking about vaginas or penises, let me know in the comments below.
Thanks to everybody who watched and commented on last week’s Ask Cristen video men who
don’t want kids. Jeremy Cantrell offered some advice. ‘Just chill for a few years.
Once you hit 30, nearly every woman you meet that doesn’t already have kids doesn’t
want them. You will be seen as a light in the dark for women who have already dealt
with jerks that tried to pressure them into pregnancy.’ Dominque Thomas said, ‘I know
a couple that doesn't want kids and they have a lot of money and a house and the question
they always get is "who will you give all your things when you die if you don't have
kids”.’ And now friends it’s that time. Ask me your questions so I can give you some
answers.