(crowd applauds)
It's incredible, I'll say you've got so much.
This guy has so much pep.
Most celebrities I meet them like over there.
You were here before I could get around the desk,
coming at me, just like this.
This is what I see.
Just camera one.
I just see this.
I see you coming right at me with your hand.
You're fast.
You're quick.
You're energetic.
I love you, mate.
I can't wait to get in there and shake your hand.
Don't get anywhere, okay.
Now let's settle down, now.
Sorry sorry sorry.
Now you just did the um.
Everyone's settled down.
I'll clean the show up if it's the last thing I do.
(giggles)
First of all, you are so lucky 'cause
you did the Macy's day parade today.
My first parade every.
Your first parade ever, and this is.
(crowd cheers)
I've been watching the Queen.
Yeah, you've been watching the Queen.
You did they wave the whole time.
But you're so lucky because you,
you're always wearing the shorts.
Yeah.
It's often like, "Yeah!"
(crowd laughs)
Well I'm glad you're excited about it,
but you know, it's often 15 degrees
or 20 degrees here on Thanksgiving.
Today, you lucked out.
It was a balmy 60 degrees.
And Conan, the sun popped up for about 30 seconds.
Just straight through in between the skyscrapers
and that big cloud that seems to be hanging around there.
Right, right.
So it popped out.
So, so you got very lucky.
Did you enjoy doing the parade?
Did you have a good time?
I did.
There was more than the sun that popped out, mate.
This is my first parade, right?
(crowd laughs)
Fair dinkum, I'm wearing undies.
How's this?
Wait wait wait.
Fair dinkum?
What is that?
Forget it, just with the story.
True story, true story.
Oh, it's true story, okay.
Okay, so I'm doing the parade, and I'm like, "Hey!"
And as the people get excited, I felt like a rockstar.
I'm like, "Hey!"
And this Sheila just goes yay like this.
No without, no bra or any.
And then these two
Yeah she did
Wait, wait, wait.
First, a woman flashed you.
Yeah.
And then two guys did, too.
Two blokes, yeah.
Down the parade a bit further.
Right, right.
Yeah.
(exhales)
It's not supposed to it's the Ma it's
This isn't Mardi Gras.
It's the M
So this is normal?
No, no, no.
This is not supposed to be like that.
You're there's not supposed to be any flashing
at thee Macy's Thanksgiving day parade.
Well the NYPD was like, you know, there was them,
and she was like right behind them,
and they just came right out.
It was like, right.
Yeah.
Glad they're there protecting you
Yeah
From the pretty girl's breasts.
That's not normal in the Macy's Day?
Doesn't normally happen.
There's a lot of exposure and stuff going on central park
all the time, but the parade is usually a,
it's usually a family kind of event.
It's not like that normally.
That's what I thought, but yeah.
Everyone knows that you work with, with, with gators.
Yeah.
Crocs, you call them not cross, crocs.
Yeah.
I don't know the difference, but anyway.
You also have in your zoo, you have two giant pythons.
Yeah.
These things are very dangerous.
Are they not?
Absolutely, they're the longest snake species.
Do you ever give an answer that's like eh?
(crowd laughs)
Or is everything always like "Die, Conan!"
Well how's this, mate?
They eat people.
I mean the reticulated python, longest snake species.
Now, you're prepping me up now.
Sorry.
I was a little sluggish earlier, but this is good.
Keep it going.
The longest snake species in the world
is the reticulated python, and they average
killing and eating one person per year.
So they're pretty exciting snakes.
Right, right.
Really exciting, these are the giant pythons of the world.
And they constrict their pray, so they curl around you
and squeeze the air right out of you.
Okay, so what's the.
Have you ever been in dire emergency
or danger with one of these pythons?
Yeah.
Tell me.
(crowd laughs)
One got me.
One got you?
I'm trying to settle down, that not working?
No, no, no.
I don't want you to settle down.
We need this pep.
This is exactly what we need.
Crank it back up again.
How's this, how's this?
Get some coffee into this guy.
I can't drink coffee, mate.
You on coffee would be yeah, insane.
They could strap you to a rocket, and you'd go to the moon.
Yeah.
Oh, mate.
Nonetheless, I'm working at the zoo.
We've got this python, 24 feet in length.
And there was no one else.
It was really early in the morning.
My dad was on a field trip.
So I going with my pooper scooper.
I see the poo in the back of the cage.
What you have to cleaning?
You have to, you have a pooper scooper,
like could use for doggies on a giant Python.
A big spoon, a big spoon pooper scooper, like a shovel.
(crowd laughs)
'Cause a big snake, big poop.
Yeah.
So I go in to scoop the poop,
and she goes from the, from the corner.
Like this thing's got a six foot strike range, like bang!
(whipping sounds)
All the way around me.
Now, luckily the pooper scooper arm and
the pooper scooper which was, was stuck in here.
And she fully just strangles me like right round.
What a horrible way to die with
a pooper scooper crushed up against your
That's what I'm thinking.
It would be the worst thing about it.
Yeah, mate.
Okay, so then you're in trouble.
It's squeezing now.
I'm dying.
Cause every time I breathe out,
she squeezes up a bit more and I'm like
(inhales)
getting shorter of breath, shorter of breath.
So I thought, alright, I don't
want to die with the pooper scooper.
So I rolled out of the cage, and as
I started to walk, the snake worked out
two legged animal and constricted my feet.
So now it's like little steps like this.
And then, bang.
I fall over, and now I'm really close to death.
Right.
Next thing I hear the gate rattle and it's my mom.
She's going to work.
And I'm like, "Mom, Mom!"
And it's muffled.
And she goes "Be right there, son. No big deal."
Right, right, right.
So she takes her time, opens the entrance.
And then she's "I wonder where he is?"
She goes to the reticulated python cage.
Looks at the blood.
'Cause all his blood flows out from the teeth.
They've got a lot of teeth.
And follows the blood trail here, and I'm like
(gasps)
Like that trying to keep air coming in.
Right.
And she grabbed like the last part
of this tail and peeled it off slowly.
That's how you do it?
You grab it by the tail?
Yeah, yeah.
How does that, how does that work?
Well that's the locking device, you know?
Their, mate, they're so strong,
like incredibly strong.
Like squeeze the living daylights.
Until your eyes pop.
They're strong.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so the tail
So your saying there's like literally a button at the
tail that you just push and just goes looloo.
Oh, no.
(giggles)
(crowd laughs)
It says in case of emergency?
No there's no ejection button
Now you gotta to grab the tail.
'Cause that's what locks all the
coils together and then peel it off.
Your mom sounds like a real, I mean,
my mother wouldn't be able to do that.
You know?
Yeah.
Your mother went in there and unwrapped a giant python.
It was killing
And saved my life.
And saved your life.
Did she then like throw it against a wall
and pick you up and run to the hospital?
(giggles)
No.
(crowd laughs)
No, that didn't happen?
No, no.
It makes a better story.
Oh, it is!
And then what happened?
She ran you to the, wow incredible.
Whoa.
You've been bitten many times by these snakes.
I have, yeah.
And you actually, when they,
when they, when a snake bites you,
it's not just the venom that can hurt you.
Is that right?
I mean, the venom is very dangerous, but the, the teeth,
I mean, they're very sharp.
Well, with these pythons that we're talking about,
they got a couple of hundred teeth and they're needle sharp.
A couple of hundred?
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah.
Like 50 top and bottom, both sides.
Right, right.
And they're really sharp, really long and recurved.
So when they strike and hit, they're hitting something like,
you know, heavily furred, heavily feathered.
And uh, so those teeth just penetrate.
And once they strike, then they go
into that killer mode constriction.
Right?
I got one of my thumb, I was up
Man, this is broke a world record.
33 crocodiles in 14 days I caught last month.
And while I was out there,
I grabbed this crock and a death roll,
it broke this, my little finger here and dislocated my,
my wrist and broke the whatever you
What a cool way to get,
I mean, everyone else is like,
"Yeah, I fell off my inline skates."
(laughs)
You it's like, mate, what happened?
"I had a croc in a death hold right there!"
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Your stories are so much better
than everybody else's stories.
"Oh my mouse pad flipped over and I got it.
Kinda just didn't go."
And the tooth's still in there.
So you've got a, you've got a Python tooth in your skin?
You can actually feel it in my thumb, if you push.
Oh yes.
That, that, that thing picking up.
Kinda nice, huh?
(crowd laughs)
Sorry.
I'm still with Jude Law, now.
(laughs)
I saw that, I saw that.
Now, now you've actually, here's the surprise part today.
You've actually brought one of these
amazing creatures with you today.
We're going to bring it out right now.
One of the biggest in the world.
We're just going to, we have a slingshot
that's going to throw it into the crowd.
They're gonna fight it now.
Wanna give us a hand, mate?
Yeah, I want to help out.
Oh my God!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not that end.
You take that end, mate.
Turn your front to the camera.
Come over here.
Guys, guys let's get it together first.
(crowd laughs)
What do I do?
Get behind me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
(crown laughs)
(crowd applauds)
What do I do?
Just grab it.
Grab it here.
Yeah.
I got it, I got it.
This is the locking device.
I can handle this part, right here.
(screams)
(giggles)
(crowd laughs)
Hang on fellas, hang onto it.
Yeah, hang onto it fellas, that's real technical talk.
So, when it curls around someone
Hang on to it, it fellas!
Don't let it go to it'll kill us all!
That guy's down.
Guys!
You might want to
He's killing that guy!
Let it get him, let it get him.
What, what?
No, no, what do we do?
Do we have to help him?
Yeah, get it off.
Ah, it's coming back this way!
He's got my arms.
It's alright.
You okay, buddy?
He's eyes aren't popping yet, mate.
So we're alright.
Okay, now.
But that, that's the locking device.
So what they do is they wrap around.
If it gets this bloke, it'll wrap around him.
He's coming back this way, right here.
Don't let him under the chairs!
He's going under the
(crowd laughs)
(crowd applauds)
We've got him.
There we go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've got this part right here.
(crowd laughs)
Have a look at this.
(Conan screams)
Alright, what do we, how do you,
what are you doing with the head?
I'm trying to get the head in there.
You want to so unprofessional.
This is unbelievable.
(crowd laughs)
You don't want it to,
It's okay.
That's good.
Let's just let it go.
Okay.
Let it go.
Let's just all walk away from that.
Let's all go over here.
(crowd laughs)
So, incredible.
That snake's got some stick, hadn't it?
Yeah.
(crowd laughs)
So, uh.
Oh, don't bite him there.
I have a que-
Is it biting you, or you're okay?
These, why do you three do this for a living?
(crowd laughs)
You guys alright?
I love snakes.
(laughs)
This is their life.
Well clearly they know how to handle them.
If everyone comes back alive, mate, we've done our job.
Very nice.
Alright that's incredible.
But what's the length of that snake, by the way?
Just over 22 feet and over 200 pounds.
Right, could it, well if it crushed me to death,
would it then swallow me and eat me, or it's not that kind?
It'd swallow you and eat you.
Right?
So you'd see that snake with the outline of my body in it.
Absolutely.
And like the outline of my pompadour.
And it's start here.
And you could see the outline
of Conan going down headfirst.
Just like, right there.
All the way until it gets to the end.
And it'll just be like that, yeah.
What a ghoulish uh
Listen it's always entertaining to say the least.
And if you guys make it out of here alive,
thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Happy Thanksgiving, Steve Irwin everybody.