(Music starts playing in the background)
(Clap!)
Yeah, it's this type of video again.
We've been here before, we know what's up.
It just feels like a bad movie sequel.
'Brian The Brain Tumor 2' Would probably go straight to DVD.
(Intro Music)
All jokes aside.
Yeah, goddamnit.
I..
really wish this wasn't a thing, but this tumor is a thing and,
even though it's not what I would have chosen for myself,
that doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be all bad.
And what I keep on trying to remind myself of is, like,
this is one of those things that looks like a really bad thing on the outside
but I know too little about life to be sure.
So when I had brain surgery in May, they removed big portions of my brain tumor, but something I haven't
talked a whole lot about, is that there are still parts of it left. Because I don't have cancer.
Like, I just have a tumor, which basically just means that it won't spread.
I've started thinking about tumors and cancer as like cult leaders, and the cancerous ones are very inspiring
and managed to, like, convince the other cells to start mutating too.
Whereas a non cancerous one just, like, doesn't have flowy enough clothes
or shiny enough mullet to convince anyone to join.
And fortunately, my tumor: - Brian The Brain Tumor - is an unambitious,
slow-growing, couch potato of a tumor, so
we decided to leave a little bit of it behind in a section where it would be really dangerous to perform surgery.
And we knew that there was a risk that it would grow down the line.
Which it has. But it was just that, like,
the 'line' in "down the line" was a little bit shorter than I had anticipated cause it's only been eight months.
But the good news is that I'm not gonna have to have another surgery for now,
I'm just gonna have to go through radiation therapy.
Which basically means that Monday to Friday for six weeks
I have to go to the hospital and I have to put this mask over my face
to hold my head in place and then they're gonna radiate my brain,
hoping to damage enough of the tumor to discourage it from ever growing again.
So the campaign for 2018 with surgery was: 'Evict Brian'
and now for 2019 we're moving on to: 'Burn Brian'.
The radiation itself is supposed to be really painless,
but there are a lot of potential side effects that I'm trying my best not to think about.
Because as you're radiating the tumor you can also
damage a lot of the healthy cells.
And once again, I'm running at risk of becoming blind, or this time around I might lose my hearing,
I might also lose my hair, and I might get dementia at 28 years old.
But I'm trying my best to forget about that...
That's not funny. It's really not funny.
It's a little bit funny!
I'm trying to focus on the tiny bit of it that's a little bit funny.
This has honestly made me a lot more sad than I had anticipated.
Because I mean the success rate
with my type of brain tumor is 90% with radiation therapy, and I might be
completely fine throughout the treatment - other than, like, being a bit tired -
but it's just been a lot to deal with emotionally,
and I've just been really bummed out.
This might be too honest,
but last year when I found out that I had a brain tumor,
as much as it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to deal with,
and I was really scared and upset and angry and sad,
it also had this like novelty to it. Because I had never been sick before.
So there was a part of me that was, like: "Oh, I wonder what this is going to be like?"
And with everything there was all this, like, love and affection and attention and, like, my family flew out here
and my friends were there for me a hundred percent, and I got a bunch of gifts from people on the internet,
and I'm not saying that any of that made it worth it.
Like, I would still give having a brain tumor pretty terrible review.
But there were a lot of parts of it that were positive in a very overwhelming way.
But this time around, all I feel is like...
Man! I just wanna be healthy!
I'm sick of being sick!
And I have so many plans and projects I want to build, and I was really excited about 2019.
And I've been really reluctant to make this video because I don't want to be 'Brain Tumor Girl'.
Like, I don't want this to be my 'thing'.
I want to be 'Badass Builder Girl' who can build whatever she wants and does random
projects and goes to space and is allowed to do headstands.
But I'm not allowed to do headstands because I have a lid in my head.
At least I got this t-shirt out of it.
This is from a scan of my brain after surgery.
Here's where my roommate Brian used to live before he got evicted.
Maybe I should start selling them. I might put a link in the description.
But yeah, it just feels like a bad sequel.
But I guess you're committed to the franchise cause you watched this far.
Also, this is not a movie. This is real life, and sometimes life is messy and
challenging just because it's the same thing over again, and it's boring and frustrating and...
Yeah, I just wanted to let you know what's up because I don't know what's gonna happen when I go through treatment.
I might be completely fine and I might be able to work and make videos,
but I might also not. And I just wanted you to know that if I'm not around
it's not because I don't want to be, it's because I can't.
But fortunately I have the best internet friends ever, and even if I'm unable to work I can cover rent and salaries because
of the people who support me on Patreon. So thank you so much to everybody who's there,
and everybody who's stuck around,
even when I can't be the person I want to be.
I'm not gonna make any call to action cause that would be shameless,
and I do have a lot of shame.
But there might be a link in the description. Also this video's brought to you by shitty health.
'Burn Brian 2019'.
We got this.
Okay, bye!
(Outro Music)