Hi loves!
Welcome back to Lavendaire.
I don't know about you,
but I often feel this pressure to do more,
like I'm not doing enough.
And yet, everything I have to do is already too much for me to handle.
We live in a world that celebrates hustling and getting more done.
And because of that, so many of our stresses are self-imposed.
We set high expectations for ourselves
and aim to achieve more than we ever have.
And in order to achieve that,
we need to push ourselves further than we’ve pushed before.
Don't get me wrong –
hard work is amazing and it’s what creates greatness.
But true greatness is also recognizing that you can’t do everything.
And it’s more worth your time to focus on doing one thing very well.
As I continue to design my dream life,
I know that I want more space to breathe and simply to be,
to enjoy my life without being tied to a jam-packed schedule.
I want to do less, and focus only on the essential.
To me, essentialism is about the power of focus.
Tony Robbins said: “Where focus goes, energy flows”.
If you try to do too many things at once,
that energy is spread out in a very unimpactful way.
But if you focus that energy on one valuable project or goal,
that energy can make a huge impact.
Remember, anyone can be busy,
but busy is not always productive.
It’s about *what* you work on rather than how much you work.
So can we really do less AND be more productive?
Yes – if you’re working on the right things.
So it’s your ability to choose the right things that will determine your success.
Choose what’s important to you, what matters most,
what will give you the highest return for your time and efforts.
To do that, you need to have laser sharp focus on your vision,
so you’re working on the most essential thing
rather than being distracted by everything else going on.
The idea of essentialism is: "Less, but better".
It means “living by design, not by default,”
– which is what the artist of life journey is all about.
Here are the mistakes we often make:
(And comment below if any of these resonate with you!)
Spreading ourselves too thin.
Saying yes to too many obligations.
Trying to do so much in so little time.
My personal biggest mistake is always underestimating
how long it takes me to do something.
I expect to get a lot done in a day,
but then at the end of the day,
I realize I didn’t even get through most of the things on my list,
not even some important things on my list.
And I feel defeated, disappointed, and my confidence suffers.
And it just becomes this negative cycle
that makes it harder to pick yourself up from.
So instead of trying to do too much,
I’m learning to focus down and do less.
Only when you've given yourself permission to stop trying to do it all,
can you dedicate your time towards the things that really matter.
So first, you gotta decide what’s valuable and what matters to you.
If you don't decide early on,
other people and other factors are going to decide for you.
So here are some questions to ask yourself:
(Feel free to pause and journal along)
What do I want my life to be all about?
What do I love?
What do I stand for?
These are your values, your passions, your purpose.
What is my definition of success?
What does a happy, fulfilled life look like to me?
In this ideal life, where does my energy and time go?
Next: Have I been doing anything for the wrong reasons?
You want to reflect and see if you’ve taken on too much
because of the following reasons:
Wanting to please others.
Seeking approval from others.
Trying to impress others.
Trying to prove your worth to others.
Comparing yourself to others.
Being too afraid to say no.
Fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear of failure.
All of these are the wrong reasons to focus on
when deciding what you should do with your life,
with your time and your efforts.
Next question: How do I truly want to feel?
If I don’t feel that way now, when will I?
Aside from the material things,
what we truly wish to attain in our dream life is a feeling,
whether it's a feeling of happiness, accomplishment,
security, abundance, freedom, or something else.
And we often delay these feelings in our head for a future.
We expect, once we achieve XYZ, then these feelings will come.
But the truth is: If all these are, are just feelings,
you can choose to feel them now.
Why wait for a future date to finally feel what you’ve always wanted to feel?
So ask yourself: How can I cultivate these feelings now?
Sure, some feelings need material achievement to be realized,
like if you’re broke and hate not knowing how you’ll pay your next bill,
having a stable career may make you feel financially free
and happier in that area of your life.
But also consider that same person,
who now has a higher paying job,
but is still stuck in that mindset of scarcity,
that the money they earn is never enough,
and they feel like they have to keep working harder and harder and harder
to earn even more and more and more.
Even with more, they still don’t feel that financial freedom
and happiness they truly desire deep down.
I'm just here to say that,
past a certain point of being able to have the basics to survive,
it’s all about your mindset and perspective.
You can choose how you want to feel right now,
instead of chasing after it as if it only exists in the future.
What matters most to me now is:
my health, wellbeing, and happiness;
the health, wellbeing, and happiness of my loved ones;
and then comes the health of my business.
This is a personal shift because I have spent years
putting my career over my health:
pulling too many all-nighters than I can count,
stressing over things that, in hindsight, don’t really matter anymore.
Also with the past few years dealing with
Wilson’s health issues and now the pandemic,
I’m just more grateful for the simplicity of good health
as the most important thing in our lives.
Material success and achievements come way after that.
So even if I may not seem as “productive” on the outside,
it’s because my priorities have shifted,
and what I deem valuable has changed.
I can feel productive and proud of myself,
doing things that quietly bring me joy and satisfaction,
without having to prove it to the rest of the world on social media.
As someone who’s used to getting external validation and approval for my work,
this is part of my journey,
learning to give myself my own approval.
My growth doesn’t have to be visible to others and that’s okay.
The bottom line is: You always have a choice in how you design your life.
You choose how you want to spend your time and attention.
You can choose to say no.
You might be judged by others for your choices,
and that might be scary.
But in the end, the most important opinion that matters is your own.
You don't have to be all things to all people.
You don't need to please everyone.
You can’t make everyone happy, but you can make YOU happy.
The rule of thumb I like to use is:
Say yes only if your body feels excited and attracted to this opportunity.
If it’s a maybe, hesitant feeling, then just say no.
Saying no to something that doesn’t serve you means saying yes to yourself.
You’re leaving space for something that's even better to enter your life.
And trust me: I've said no to so many things –
even thousands of dollars of opportunities –
just because it was a so-so feeling in my body,
because I really trust my body and my intuition
when deciding what opportunities and projects to do.
Here’s an exercise you can do to start implementing essentialism into your life:
Simplify and prioritize.
First, make a list of your to do’s, goals,
and responsibilities for the next three months.
Go ahead, pause this video,
and make a giant list, brainstorm, dump it all out on paper.
Next, ask yourself:
What is the item, out of all of these things, that has the greatest impact?
When I say 'impact', I mean whatever matters most to you,
whether it's improving the quality of your life,
or having a great financial impact, or anything else.
So if you were to pick only ONE thing, what would it be?
So now you know what’s important and essential.
Next, go over over your list and ask yourself:
What items do I not have to do?
What can I cut out?
Always ask yourself: What can I eliminate or delegate?
And take this time to pause and cross out all of the inessential.
Whew! I hope that was very freeing,
because I love taking things off my to-do list.
Next, you want to get some momentum going.
Start planning your next action steps
for your one most essential goal or project.
Now it's time to pick the most important action steps to start with
and put those in your to-do list and calendar.
Finally, as you’re in motion working towards your important goal,
set time aside to do a weekly cleanup of your to do list.
That's time to declutter anything that is not essential.
The key to making essentialism work is to let go of FOMO.
Accept that you aren’t able to do it all
and focusing on the essential is a more effective use of your time.
Soon enough, you’ll understand how freeing it is to say no to things.
You’ll feel more aligned to what’s valuable and what's right for you.
A big part of this is learning to let go of your distractions
because distractions are not essential.
Spending too much time on social media,
comparing yourself to others, and any unproductive habits
that you wouldn’t want to bring into your new life.
Remember, if it doesn’t spark joy, leave it.
When you're finally focusing on the few essential things,
the right things for you,
you leave space for yourself.
You get time to breathe, to sleep, to play,
to reset and recharge, and to feel balanced.
You also leave space for new opportunities to come into your life,
opportunities that you wouldn’t have space for,
if you were already so busy with so many other things.
So the next time you come across a decision or challenge,
ask: “What is essential?",
and eliminate everything else.
Please share this video if it helped you.
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Sending you all soo much love.
Bye!