Welcome to Reaction Reset. Today, we're discussing how to respond to a friend who makes bad choices.
Most of us know are close to someone who makes bad choices.
So let's talk a little bit about why people make bad decisions.
It may be tied to what they learned as a child; for example,
kids who grow up with parents who shield them from the consequences of bad decisions have a difficult time making
wise choices as adults.
Essentially a child never learns how to take responsibility for their poor choices.
Another reason people make bad decisions is to follow their obsession or idol.
A fixation on status, money, or even a romantic fantasy can cause someone to make poor decisions.
Even an obsession considered good by our society can lead to a bad decision; for example, if you have a fixation on hard work
that can be a workaholic if that's all you focus.
An obsession with helping others can turn into a martyr. A third reason
that's often tied to the second is a poor self-esteem or self-worth.
This may begin as a child like. If you always feel ignored or your feelings are never valued
then you're more likely to give your values and your power to other people to determine your self worth.
People who suffer from low self esteem can attract and stay with partners who disrespect them, use them, and devalue their self esteem.
Due to their low self esteem, they're more comfortable
being with someone whose love and respect must be earned rather than being with someone who loves them as they are.
Unfortunately, people suffering from low self esteem are magnets to others with the same condition.
When you have two insecure people struggling in a relationship without getting help,
it's likely you'll see a sequence of bad decisions that can result in
poverty and broken families. As a friend
it's really hard to watch this.
It feels surreal - like you're watching a drama or a soap opera - and you cannot understand what they are thinking.
Your friend may be making demands that go against your morals or asking for help
all the while never taking your advice.
Maybe they seem to need your support around the clock,
texting constantly for validation or to vent, and it's straining the friendship.
Maybe you're even loaning them money or letting them crash on your couch, pushing the limits and your boundaries.
You want to help, but how much should you give before you're part of the problem?
Let's get into the Reaction Reset for today.
Here are the steps you can take to be a good friend
but not enable their poor choices. First of all, have an intentional heart-to-heart with your friend and listen carefully.
Prepare for it to be awkward. It's a conversation that may feel uncomfortable,
but stay with it for the sake of the friendship.
Ask if they would like to talk to professional and volunteer to go with them if it's necessary.
Secondly, check with your friend to see if you can do something together
that's healthy. For example, going for a walk or a workout can encourage them to start making good decisions
that may influence their other decisions.
It's also good for the two of you to enjoy each other without feeling pressure to provide something or to perform for them.
Tell your friend you love them, but you won't abandon your own morals or values for them.
It's not wrong to give your friend space if they're doing something criminal or morally wrong.
Part of being a good friend is knowing who you are and where your boundaries lie.
Finally, remember your friend is an adult; that means they make their own decisions no matter how painful
it is to watch. You have to understand you cannot control or change them.
Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares as much as you, but remember
change comes from within. The greatest act of love is not
enabling poor life choices. It's being that friend
who's willing to stand up and say, "I love you too much to go down this negative path with you.
but I'll be here when you come back up."
Don't let your empathy turn into pity, because enabling your friend is going to keep you both stuck.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.