well well well well well look who it is
Loki I need your help in an epic upcoming battle
well I don't know brother like it in here you know three hots and a cot
not too shabby. please. oh he said it! he finally said it!
uh there's no one back here. tell me of this battle
well as usual the fate of everything hangs in the balance
yes yes always the case everything the universe is never like hey that guy
stole my VCR
let's get him. if only it were but this is a biggie the Michael Bay explode-arama
the Super Bowl fourth of fourth of Julys. so why don't you call your
Power Ranger friends. The Avengers? Hazzah. yes
the Avengers are weird. I know. we fight to the death to our very last breath
we are five strong fingers on one mighty fist
we are the glorious heroes of the universe. yes them why don't you call them
well wouldn't you know it they're all on vacation, but this is for real Loki
the Papa Smurf of destruction the final level of
pac-man. I get it explain. these guardians have learned
that a rare alignment of the cosmic 9 brown is imminent
and its spots where the realms touch passages are created between the realms
this sounds like a lot of CGI brother
kinda ruins the experience for me everything becomes lost in a washer of exploding
monsters and
ice Thrones and Quidditch players and White Walkers
transformers exhausting really. just tell me what you want in return
the woman. Natalie Portman? no her friend the
broker. oh Natalie Portman's assistant Kat Dennings. yes
I'd like to arrange what these earthlings call a motorboat
done this will be easy to arrange she is broke
also I'd like to look good for the battle so I want to go to the salon to get my hair
did
I think you mean done. did. done. I want to get it did. such strange language
this is how we talk in the can fool. in the what? the clink, the pokey, the hooscow
what else do you need. I want all the taglines during our battle
this I cannot do. you'll get the usual amount of taglines
zero. how else would I make it into the preview. you won't make it into the preview
it's called Thor 2 not Thor and Loki as well
what's the matter brother you're afraid lokis becoming more
popular than Thor with the ladies. okay I'm done
good luck in here. no no no wait wait wait no brother please come back it's the worst in here
it's even worse than space jail. why did they move you to this earth prison? well they always put me
in some floaty
cube chamber or some blue glowy prison bubble and I was escape so they sent me
here
also I head there were space budget cuts. but you must have an easy time getting these mortals to bow
down to you
you would think so but its been quite the opposite
in what way. oh in every way I I have to how do I say this
they make me... spit it out. oh no they don't allow that
oh you fellate them. shh. sounds a lot like your experiences at god scout
camp. keep your voice down
every minute is a struggle to survive in here fools be trying to shake my ass on the
daily
and the ascot jokes they never stop who's your Ascot now Loki is your ascot off
duty
Ascot Ascot Ascot. I thought they had you in solitary confinement. oh
I wish that would be amazing
I don't know Loki they say boredom is the worst punishment a man can receive
no no I would say that the endless sodomy takes the cake on that one
sodomy surely they would never allow that in a federal prison
but good for you it sounds like you're having a blast in there
no you lunkhead I am the recipient. oh
so you are the Natalie Portman of the relationship
and they are the Thor. hey shut up and listen
I will help you with the CGI monsters but you must promise me one thing
don't tell anyone too late just texted nat p she said
lols one of these Earth terms. Hey get me out of here. ok fine
time is of the essence. but how in Hades will you do it
Thor always has a plan guards woman you will let Loki out of his cell to help Thor
god of thunder save the world by the power of Asgard I command it
no. looks like it's a no go. that was your plan?
she's twice my size. use violence. I'm not gonna hit a woman I don't have my hammer
I had to check it at the front desk. then bake the hammer into a cake and slip it past the guards
and I shall use it
you can't wield it for you are not worthy how many times must I tell you this I am
Thor
god of thunder chosen to rule Asgard by my father Odin
you were chosen to be abandoned by your a**hole parents because you are unspecial
in
every way and you've proven them right by being
Ironman's back from rehab f*ck off Loki hey Tony
hey. no one just my brother. Loki get your cold ass over here
yes sir Mr. Deltron. Yeah
like icy hot