I'm Nadia and I'm the CEO and founder of
a company called perk sea based out of
New York I'm a four-time founder in
Forbes 30 under 30 and I'm so honored
today to be here with you to talk about
emotional capital
I've always been acutely aware of my
emotions I was raised by a psychiatrist
and a teacher who are up here and in the
front row here who taught me to believe
in the power of emotions and not to
suppress them or try to make them go
away I was taught that there's a
difference between what you think that
you're feeling and what you're actually
feeling my parents taught me to
differentiate between anger and
frustration sadness and disappointment
happiness and excitement becoming aware
of my emotions and developing a healthy
practice of emotional analysis taught me
not only to understand my emotions but
the emotions of others and ever since I
was a kid I've been fascinated by people
why they do the things they do what
drives their behavior and why they feel
the things that they feel whether by
nature or by nurture I became obsessed
with emotions I even went so far as to
study them in school I learned about the
science of emotion where they stem from
in the brain and all that kind of deeply
fun academic stuff but what interested
me most was not the study of the
emotions themselves but more their
application in society and more
specifically in business I was
interested in how emotions came to life
you know everyone talks about emotional
intelligence any good leader will tell
you in business or otherwise that
emotional intelligence is a driving
force for success but if you actually
talk about being emotional or how those
show up in professional context that's
what I'm here to talk to you about today
I'm here to bridge the conversational
gap between talking about emotion and
actually being emotional and especially
how that relates to human relationships
and those of the business world I'm here
to talk about
emotional capital why I think it's the
most valuable currency there is and how
you can build it for yourself with three
practices through the power of
storytelling the expression of
authenticity and the art of emotional
awareness there's been somewhat of a
scientific revolution over the past few
decades around the study of emotion it
used to be this really broad and basic
concept and our understanding of it was
really limited but heightened study in
the area has proven emotion to be
something much more complex and
compelling than we previously thought
emotions play a really powerful role in
how we think about and experience the
world they impact all of our thoughts
our behavior how we relate to and
interact with others and our overall
health and well-being without emotion we
lose what makes us fundamentally human
what do you think when confronted with
something that we think is seemingly
emotionless we refer to it as inhuman
think about that latest Netflix serial
killer documentary when exposed to some
of these killers were like wow they're
so inhuman it's because we perceive them
to be
emotionless we automatically know the
connect emotion to the human experience
so why then is the role of emotion in
business so diminished why is it
rejected why do we encourage a lack of
feeling and so many of the things we do
professionally countless executives
treat emotional suppression as the best
way to deal with emotional situations
because there's this narrative in the
working world that emotions don't have a
place in business we're taught to see
business as a science a conglomeration
of numbers and processes built to
maximize one singular and output
profitability if we're weak and
emotional we're seen as lesser that's
that's how it's seen if we're emotional
we're liability if we're emotional we
shouldn't be in business but this
narrative is fundamentally flawed this
narrative ignores the emotional inputs
that drive success
in business look I'm not here to bring
you some radical new theory humans are
emotional and business is driven by
humans so it doesn't it make sense then
that business should be just as
emotional as the humans who are at the
core of it like I said it's not radical
the best businesses are already
inherently emotional they trade on
emotional capital think about companies
like Apple or Nike who it becomes so
beloved because they figured out how to
build an emotional connection with their
customer base to be successful in
business is to be successful in emotion
why because people are emotional and
people do business so as a famous TED
talk or once said if you don't
understand people you don't understand
business so what I want to do today is
help you think about how to build
emotional capital into your own lives
whether you're a student a saleswoman a
teacher or a CEO by shedding some light
on how the best leaders build emotional
capital you know they say the best
leaders are emotionally intelligent but
honestly I think that's just a precursor
to what really makes them successful the
best leaders are adept at building
emotional capital they have a talent for
building strong bonds and emotional
connectivity and this serves them in
teamdynamix
business and customer relationships and
in influencing others a key trait of a
strong leader so what is emotional
capital
well the way I define it it's the
universal currency of the human
experience and it's one of the greatest
currencies there is it's held between
any two parties in a relationship and it
dictates how the relationship develops
and unfolds and this can be in any
relationship whether it's your partner
your best friend your customers or your
colleagues relationships that are
lacking in emotional capital well become
purely transactional just a base level
exchange of services little more than
two
actors in an economics textbook
relationships that are completely devoid
of emotional capital they lack the
synergies and growth that characterize
some of our best relationships and the
same can be said in business when we
invest emotional currency into our
professional relationships we breathe
life into the ecosystem that is our
working world and ultimately that builds
more human businesses so how is
emotional capital built well you can
think of it as a bank account that's
held between two people where every
interaction actively grows or depletes
the balance of emotional currency good
leaders invest in positive interactions
that go beyond the purely utilitarian
exchanges that we're taught to think
about within our business relationships
the best leaders build emotional capital
because they truly understand the key
components of its currencies and the
practices of its exchange and they do
this through the stories they tell the
authenticity they embody and the
emotional awareness that they practice
my first practice storytelling is one of
the core communication mediums of
emotional capital why because
storytelling itself is inherently
emotional let me explain storytelling is
intrinsic to us as humans it's one of
the most primitive abilities that we
have similar to how an infant spider
weaves a web untaught the healthy child
is born with the ability to create and
tell stories
almost immediately after birth we shower
our youth with prophetic tales of
freedom and tales of heroism passed down
over generations we do this to instill
upon them societal values morality and
the difference between right and wrong
there's somewhat of a science behind our
storytelling or at least a pseudo
philosophy you might say some theorize
it serves as a higher more complex layer
of language that juxtaposes emotional
context and logic within a single
narrative
narrative when I first built perks II
you know I didn't have much to work with
I had a brain in my head feet in my
shoes an inspirational dr. Seuss book
and a very big idea but I also had a
reason for doing what I was doing I knew
my wife and I learned to tell that story
as far and wide as I could to anyone who
would listen some of her earliest
employees investors advisors they didn't
come for the financial statements or the
technical code because at that stage
there really wasn't any they came for
this story storytelling is a way for us
to emotionally relate as people we want
to find commonality we want to be able
to to connect and storytelling is a way
for us to do that the more stories that
we can share the more personal they are
the closer we can become the more
connected we can become and that's one
step closer to building emotional
capital in relationships but here's the
thing and this brings me to my next
point
authenticity without it well
storytelling is just a window dressing
authenticity is the lifeblood of
storytelling and emotion is at the very
heart of it people are smart they can
tell when a story is counterfeit and
that actively undermines the balance of
emotional capital when you're real and
vulnerable and just raw with the people
around you the story tells itself this
is emotional authenticity and
authenticity is intrinsic to the
building of emotional capital you know
I've built four companies in my lifetime
I started my first when I was 17 and
perks II now he's my fourth when I was
19 I was on my second company and I had
a very different idea of what good
leadership look like despite the fact
that I had great parents who taught me
that the power of emotion and taught me
how to express my emotion I still got
caught up in this overarching dogma of
the business world it's the principle
that we hear throughout so many TV shows
movies and throughout popular culture it
says it's not personal
it's just business this is what I became
began to emulate I began to see business
in this way the leaders I was trying to
emulate the text I was reading at the
time they didn't show me emotion so I
didn't embody it and surprise surprise
it was my least successful company as a
person it was so deeply emotional I was
actively fighting the thing that had
made me so successful throughout my
entire life and all of my relationships
and in doing this I was really able to
build true relationships or connectivity
with the people around me suffice to say
it was the loneliest and most isolating
period of my life because I became so
disconnected for myself but through that
loneliness I learned a really valuable
lesson about the true meaning of
authenticity people throw it around all
the time you always the other would
authenticity it's a huge buzzword but
people just say be true to yourself be
authentic but what does that even mean
the way I see it authenticity is just
allowing yourself to freely express your
emotions without fear of retribution and
that authenticity enabled me to build
greater emotional capital with the folks
that were around me and to my amazing
team emotional authenticity it makes for
better leadership when we're emotionally
authentic we actually empower other
people to do the same and through this
our relationships flourish my third
practice is the art of emotional
awareness and it's one of the most
important ones because you can't really
understand the impact of your emotions
on your behavior if you don't understand
the emotions themselves one of the ways
to do this is to really sit with your
emotions this is something my dad taught
me I was younger if you're sad feel the
sadness let it wash over you feel the
full extent of it you got to learn to
get comfortable with your emotions one
of the things I embodied was learning
how to sit down for 10 minutes every day
and reflect upon all the emotions I felt
that day to understand what's driving
them why am I feeling things that I'm
feeling this practice has really really
served me as a leader but to do this you
need to learn
to show up differently with yourself in
an emotional context sometimes that
means changing the relationship you have
with your emotions people are afraid of
them we think it makes us feel like
we're out of control but that's not the
case the only way to build emotional
capital with others is to build it with
yourself first when you become in tune
with your emotions they become like your
GPS
they point you towards the things that
you really care about to who and what
you can turn to in times of need your
emotions will become directional look
you know I said it before we're taught
that emotion doesn't have a place in
business but I think it's no coincidence
that at the time in my life where was
the most authentic and expressed
emotions the most this has been the most
successful one in my life the most
successful period expressing emotion
doesn't hinder or lessen your
achievements your achievements are your
achievements if anything it them and
nothing great has ever been achieved by
just one person greatness takes a whole
lot of people even Serena's got a huge
team and what that means is a whole lot
of emotional capital in the
relationships around you so what this
all comes down to is really seen your
emotions as a strength and not as a
weakness because when you begin to to
really understand the power of emotional
capital your emotions become your assets
as I said startup founder and one of the
things you learn as a start-up founder
is you don't always have access to the
financial resources you need and
actually rarely have access to the
financial resources you need and one of
the things I've been able to do is build
my business through the power of my
relationships because that's one thing
everyone can do you can all invest in
the strength of relationships you can
all invest emotional capital and that's
been all the wealth that I've needed to
find the success in my life so what I
want to ask you today is how much of
emotional capital do you really hold
think about the relationships in your
life think about the ones that you have
think about the ones that you want to
have and think about how you're showing
up to them are you expressing
authenticity are you communicating
through stories are you telling personal
stories to enable other people to
connect with you
and are you practicing emotional
awareness look emotional capital is the
currency of all of these interactions
but it's also important to understand
that it is a finite resource emotional
capital is a finite resource so think of
yourself as a really solid investor and
make sure that you're investing well and
spending wisely there's this one Jim
Carrey quote that I I saw on the
internet and this YouTube channel called
the journey of purpose because I'm that
girl I watched the YouTube channel
called the journey of purpose and in
this video Jim Carrey had said something
and those 14 words have resonated with
me and served as a compass in my life he
I can tell you from experience the
effect you have on others is the most
valuable currency there is and that my
friends that is emotional capital thanks
so much
[Applause]