Hey gingerbread man...you're a loser!
How that make me feel? More importantly,
let me ask you a question, why do you feel the same way when you hear
something like that directed at you
as you do maybe when you get cut off in traffic? There's no personalization you
cut off in traffic they're not trying to spite you
for all they know maybe it's of driving Google car
that they cut off but we still feel that same kind of necessity to get
retribution and two
get defensive about back well the reason I bring this up is because today amid
usual secret
it's a way to call directly perceive an instance that occurs quite often that
most people get
horribly wrong is taking a little bit further a mash unit each you away
to maybe misconstrue it a little bit but in your favor
its gonna make you come off very very well. I'm Barron Cruz and welcome to the
Charisma Matrix!
Swooosh (sound)
Now let me start with this statistic can tell me
resonated Europe it sounds a little bit high and exaggerated
I'm going to guess that's seventy-plus percent of the time
that you feel like people that you don't know very well
are being rude to you there actually just being
shy it's nothing intentional to you we're not trying to spite you
there too shy and instant and it's so often is misconstrued
as someone being rude to you now when we misinterpret this the way that most
people do
not only are we getting it wrong but we're adding fuel to the fire
because the shy person worries timid on comparable with whatever's going on the
situation in the introduction you
now we're gonna come back and try to spite them a little bit by being rude to
them to try to get
even so you taking the shy person who's just trying to do their best in is
reserved
and you're being rude to them matches going to reconfirm everything they think
it's going to compound their shyness
I what you're talking about ourselves in a situation that's not a good thing you
want to do that you want to hurt people need help
so what I mean encourage you to do in this video
is interpret everything you possibly can
as someone being rude to you where there's any ambiguity
as simply being shy okay and most of the time people are rude you it's very
ambiguous very very
bird very and non often are people gonna say hey gingerbread man you're
you're a loser as I started but it's very very rare you never hear that a
moral issue third grade on the playground still it's kind of a rare
so we knew how to send a cutie what you're gonna do
is interpreted as them being shy so not only are you not gonna come back with
the route commentary harsher out more
like it was my videos you're talking about interaction equilibrium
where i could assume that their higher on the inner actually clever contrite
dang I'm bringing down burn ourselves up no no no we're gonna do just the
opposite
so we're gonna treat it as it we're hiring ever actually glimmer and they're
down here in their shine or couple
so we're going to do everything we can to help now
when I teaches two people a lot of times I get a question will what we
interpreted it correctly and what they really were being rude I know we're
coming in from a suffocating angle
good question
but you look at a deeper level even if they were being rude to you
and you come off is genuinely empathetic
you're coming off as very strong you're not coming off a suffocating
so they're actually gonna perceive that even if they were being rude to you
that you feel like you're stronger company on the same level as them
because you're not backing down you're not getting rude you're not coming back
with a vengeance you say it doesn't bother me
I'm still here to help you my emotions are changed by your rudeness
so I'd like you to experiment with this book 11 other things are you do it take
even a step further what you come up with this is when people are blatantly
rude to you
so you know they are continue with this empathetic
they're just being shot at home because when you do it's really the ultimate way
to show that you're not affected it's the ultimate way to get under their skin
but in a way that will eventually even out just right released realizing your
higher social status person
so they always talk about how the most evil thing you can do to someone is to
ignore them
in essence this is what you doing because someone's trying to be rude to
you
and ninety-five percent of the time with them as rude someone burger
a reactionary have emotional reactions are going to defensive gonna try to come
back
or they're just gonna kinda you know get quiet or not the kind of combat person
or not an outgoing person but they're gonna have an emotional reaction
so someone comes up to a gingerbread man you're a loser
and you know you have a million for comebacks like to talk about my
bro tries to bully bearing the bar video that's cool
but you don't even need it you such as your reaction to it
it's almost like the best comeback you can hack because you just showing
who are they has no impact on you trying their best 30 your
effort out there to try to make you look bad has no impact you just doesn't
resonate with you
and that something is a really powerful way to handle it
now let me talk to you about a little glitch within the human wiring that we
need to be aware of its gonna help us in our perception
or accurate perception tix say a restaurant
and you're waiting to be seated host and a guy walks by you know he's on his way
to the russian bombs and you come on accident I places 0
my scope matte as humans were gonna percy back in the same way
that someone who we've been friends with for thirty years as you know
there are going for thirty years I just figured out you are jerk you really
don't have much going for you
I don't really like you actually feel like I've wasted most the time that I
respect your last thirty years
because you have a story to tell you how much similar issue not a good person
for some reason we're wired to interpret feel
the same way about both those things but let's look at the first this guy
what's his motive immediately resume its all about us
only 88 me some people across restaurant he knows be
I'm be boppin into me because he's trying to approve a point now
watch really his motive obviously there's something going on in his life
his date's going poorly his bother sick in the hospital young
job is getting are growing the way he hoped his business is in excess was one
she's got a problem that's keeping him in a good head space you don't you
show some say had nothing to do with you
but how quickly we assign these negative things
a very personal meaning it's not personal so what we need to do
when we get that reaction when someone bumps into a ser someone was rude wasn't
and actually
for sure they are rude it's not ambiguous situation
we need to think is this really about me
think the car situation the scammers will be cutting off to a Google
self-driving car remains will be bumping into some
animatronic at showbiz people Chuck E Cheese guy he doesn't care
is in a serious campaign so think about how
I always talk about going back and really kinda framing the situation to a
more accurate because what that's going to do
is what you keep going back say you've done that ten times
you're immediately just gonna think about what you're not gonna be stricken
with that kinda
panic anxiety if someone's harming you hear someone's trying to wrong you
you're thinking always have a tough day whatever and that puts you in a much
more call
much more realistic environment see you perceiving things
in not only a much more positive way but a much more accurate way
when you go over to someone who
was truly shot I and say he met him in a said okay
but there have been over tonight and you take an empathetic Stan sure they got a
nice to meet you know bill was telling me that he'd owns a business with your
head all good things to say
take a little time get them comparable you're going to be the superstar
because everyone else who they need is not only empathetic to that not only not
a pathetic to them
are not neutral but they're condescending to because they feel like
they're being rude to say you're the only person that gets up
you do in person the conference the person they've been all day today
actually like and they don't know why
well it's because you're pathetic and because you interpreted the situation
correctly
by interpreting the ambiguously rude introduction
as them being shy and you don't have to be fearful love them
actually being rude to you and you take it is ending shy
today are being rude to you you come across like the boss
emotionally completely unreactive are you know he's a okay
must meet you jerk you like oh okay you know
bill said he did a lot of work with you completely unreactive almost like you're
ignoring the person
because has no bearing on you where they're at has no impact on you
and that's gonna put into place really quickly and the funny thing about that
is even if they were being rude and you come across like that ever stronger over
the top they're going to respect you for that because they're used to people
either going back into the hole in someone's room to 'em are trying to be
combated Evinrude right back to them
those directions you don't want some was being rude to you anyway
so it's a win-win but is approx I literally I think about this
3-4 times a week when I meet people or when I
Iraq with people I think this and it still owes day you know
when someone is being kinda you andy is the rule I think could they be shy
and every time I apply it show impacting I wish I were made this video actually
lot earlier just because the impact as on my life and I've been doing it for
years
I really think you're gonna like it went to trial
just grab
you yeah
yeah