I'm going to give you 3 good reasons not to divorce a spouse who cheated.
I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins.
A clinical psychologist with almost 30 years of clinical experience.
13 of which included child custody evaluations for the court.
I've seen this before.
There are some great reasons that you might consider a different route.
Newsflash.
Divorce doesn't solve the problem.
It changes the context.
I know this for years of experience working with divorced families.
And that includes 13 years of doing child custody evaluations for the court.
Divorce doesn't sole the problem.
It changes the context.
You're going to have a new set of problems.
I know you've probably given this some thought.
But think that through.
I have a friend, Lorie Fowlke, is an author and an attorney.
She wrote a book called Thinking Divorce?
Think Again.
And this came from years of experience that Lorie had working with her clients and feeling
a fiduciary duty to explain to them all of the things that are coming into their life
now because they're choosing divorce.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't do it.
I'm saying you should (as Lorie pointed out) think again.
Give it some serious thought.
It's like your trading this set of problems for that set of problems.
I don't know which one is better.
I don't know which one is easier.
In fact, easy is probably not on the menu.
So, give that some serious thought.
Most people get to the brink of divorce because they've been hurt.
If your spouse cheats on you, that hurts probably more than almost anything else I can imagine.
It's such a violation of trust and intimacy when there's cheating that's involved.
And when we are hurt we have a tendency to protect ourselves.
That's normal.
That's natural.
You're never wrong about feeling that.
I've got a little saying that I use when I teach anger management courses.
And it goes like this: Don't respond until the adrenaline is gone.
When we feel threatened, our body kicks in with a flight or flight response.
And it includes chemicals that go pumping through our bloodstream and cause us to be
in a defensive posture, okay?
Fight or flight?
That's typically what people are reacting to when they've been hurt after their spouse
cheats.
Totally normal, that's what your brain supposed to do to take care of you.
But here's the problem, you have invested so much already in this relationship, in this
family.
Maybe you've built a home or a family together where you got children.
There's so much at stake here.
And I'm not saying that divorce isn't an option.
I'm saying don't respond until the adrenaline is gone.
And a strong reason for considering not divorcing that spouse is because of all that you have
invested together.
It's worth saving.
If we can save it, would that be worth it to you?
Let's take a step further, shall we?
What if not only we could save this but we could make it better than it ever was before.
That might be a little hard to believe.
But I've got many clients that have worked with me in the past who express that their
marriage now is better than it ever was before the disaster occurred because the principles
they've been able to apply.
This is the kind of content that saves marriages and families.
In fact, if you haven't subscribed yet to the channel, would you take a moment to push
that subscribe button right now and become part of our family here at Live On Purpose
TV.
Perhaps the best reason to consider a different route other than divorce is that there are
principle-based solutions that work effectively and well when we're talking about family relationships.
In some of the other videos here on the channel, I've talked about improving marriage or enhancing
relationships, there certain principles that are almost guaranteed to bring about positive
outcomes.
In fact, there's 9 of them that I use with my clients and in my coaching and my trainings
that I think could solve anything that you're facing including infidelity and cheating.
Does that sound really bold to say that?
I have to tell you in almost 3 decades of clinical experience, you can't shock me.
I have heard some of the darndest crap you can imagine that comes up in people's lives
and relationships.
And I have yet to see anything that couldn't be resolve with the proper application of
those 9 principles.
I am going to share them with you briefly in summary form so that you'll at least know
what they are.
And then you can go to the positive relationships playlist here on the channel to see a more
complete description of them.
These 9 principles are positivity, values, humility which means the willingness to change.
Forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work and wholesome recreational activities.
Those principles are powerful and had been shown through research and clinical experience
to be effective in resolving some of the problems that people choose to solve through divorce.
And like I said earlier, I don't think divorce is a solution as much as it changes the context.
You trade this set of problems for that set of problems.
And interestingly enough, these 9 principles are also the same 9 principles that I use
in coaching couples who choose divorce.
What's going to work better?
Anger and blame or compassion and respect?
Do you see how the principles hold either way?
There are principle-based solutions that have the power to bring about positive outcomes
for you and solve the problems that are initiating the need for the divorce in the first place.
Let's give them a shot.
See what we can do to save this.
This is not easy.
And you don't have to do it alone.
We've got enormous resources for you that will help you as you work through these difficult
decisions.
Go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
Come to our community, you can engage in private coaching if you need it.
We've got other resources to support you during this difficult time.