Hey, Dad.
I have a really exciting idea, okay?
You seem pretty lonely in here,
and something pretty exciting is going on
just across the road over there.
Uh...
Dad, don't you want to lead a five-star life?
Yeah, um...I am worried.
You know, worried is not the right word.
I'm wondering...
slash worried that this might turn out
like the model-airplane club sophomore year.
This isn't gonna be anything like that, Dad.
For one thing, my followers love me out there.
(Forrest voice-over) It was a low blow for my father to bring up
my disastrous leadership of Model Airplane Club.
Now I was determined to prove to him
that I could lead a cult as well as anyone.
I began following the wisdom
of cult leaders who had succeeded before me.
First, I granted myself the extraordinary power
of absolving the sins of my followers.
Who else has a burden to unleash?
I stole money from the pension fund at work.
The stars absolve you!
(all) One, two, three, four, five!
I cheated on my husband with a total stranger.
The stars definitely absolve you.
(all) One, two, three, four, five!
I hit a homeless man with my car,
and I just kept driving.
- Seriously? - Yeah, I did.
The stars absolve you!
(all) One, two, three, four, five!
My children, I have taken your sins
and transgressions and crimes,
and I have banished them into the deep,
dark void of space.
- We are free! - [cheers and applause]
(Forrest voice-over) Then, to keep everyone focused on me and being more like me,
I instituted a new uniform.
- Here. - We have a new uniform!
(Forrest voice-over) And a reward system.
As you earn each level,
you will get a new piece of clothing.
The first level of achievement is shirts.
Th second level is pants.
Let's hope you get to that one soon.
The third level is jacket. The fourth level is tie.
And level five--the glasses of enhanced sight.
(Forrest voice-over) And it was all working beautifully.
(Forrest) Congratulations. You've attained Shirt Level.
(Forrest voice-over) Two months into our time together,
the members of my rapidly growing family
were beginning to treat me like a messiah.
[applause]
And I liked being a messiah.
Cosmic Father, this is all I have in the world,
made out to you in a cashier's check.
- Congratulations. - Yes, indeed.
Cosmic Father, it's my father's old watch.
You're my father now.
- One, two three-- (all) Four, five.
Rachel?
You haven't surrendered your assets to the movement yet.
I just don't think I can, Cosmic Father.
Well, I would hate for anyone to find out
about the man that you hit with your car.
A cashier's check will be just fine.
(all) One, two, three, four, five.