- If there's something you know you need to do
and you just don't do it, this is the show for you.
(upbeat music)
Welcome to the Tom Ferry Show.
Today, I wanna get very real with you.
When I look back and reflect on even just last week,
many of the people I'm talking to
are finding themselves in this, this state
where they know that they should be making phone calls.
They know they should be following up.
They know that they should be doing these certain things
every single day that given the power, and yet they don't.
And I'm just curious, opening up this video,
do you know someone like that?
Do you know someone intimately like that?
Where maybe, it's you, you know there's just
certain behaviors and certain actions and certain tasks
that when you do them, you get amazing results
and your self esteem and your business,
everything grows, and yet you're inconsistent.
Do you know someone like that?
I wanna talk to you today about what I've done
in my own life to go from a very high creative
to a high creative who executes his face off,
who has discipline as one of my greatest assets today.
And listen, it is a trained behavior, my friends.
It is a trained behavior.
You've heard me talk about the Emerson quote.
It's one of my all time favorites.
"Do the thing, have the power.
Do not the thing, have not the power."
If I could help you accomplish one thing today
it would be to show you exactly how you do the thing
to get the power, so let's jump right into that.
I actually wrote down for you,
and I'd love, I'd actually love,
Richard, can we put it like right here to the right?
So as you look at this over here,
what you see is the thing that one of my early
mentors taught me, you know, a gazillion years ago.
He said to me, Tom, everyone says to you,
you need to have a good attitude.
You know, your attitude is just simply how you view
the world and you may be saying,
"Tom what does this have to do with behaviors?"
Follow along.
I was always intrigued by like,
how do I have that right attitude,
that go getter attitude, that go getter mindset?
And it wasn't until Bill Mitchell said to me
that your attitude, you have to first look up here.
Your attitude is a representation of three things.
One, is your self talk, the things you say to yourself,
about yourself, and other people.
It's the narrative and story of your life.
We all know that person that, they literally talk themselves
out of success every single day.
They're constantly sharing their problems, their complaints,
telling us what they're not good at,
how they're bad at this.
Do you know someone like that?
Like, do you have some self awareness around that?
So that's your self talk, the things you say to yourself,
about yourself, and other people, and the most damaging is
the things you're saying to yourself,
that are actually stymying your growth.
The second thing he said is your focus,
and I said, could you help me understand?
He said, your focus is determined
by the questions that you ask yourself most often,
so if you ask yourself questions like, why is there
no inventory and how come my business is this way?
If you're asking questions like that, your brain
is gonna give you the answers, and actually reinforce
more of what you don't want, so we have to take
responsibility for the questions that we ask ourselves
to direct our focus towards what it is that we want.
Our goals, our dreams, the mission,
what gives us passion, what gives us energy,
not what takes our power away.
The third part he said is your physiology,
the way you move your body.
I think about professional athletes,
rockstar salespeople like yourself.
They have a certain physical swagger about them, right?
Like that walk when you just took the listing
or you just made a sale, or you just helped a client.
You talked them out of doing a deal
and you just felt so great about it.
It shows in your physiology.
I used to do this example all the time in seminars.
I'd say, everybody take your arms and go like this.
Now if you're driving, please don't do this.
And it'd be hysterical if you were just
on a train right now with your earbuds,
actually put your arms up in the air like this.
If you put your arms up in the air like this,
oh that's good, Richard, behind the camera's doing it,
and you look straight up, and you put a really
big, goofy smile on your face.
In this position, get depressed.
Let me give you a little heads up.
You can't, because this is the physiology of like,
joy, and celebration, and fun.
We know, we know the physiology when I say,
hey, make your phone calls.
We see people literally, physically collapse.
Now, those three things are just
a representation of your attitude.
Go old school, Zig Ziglar, he'd say, you know,
y'all need to check up from the neck up,
when he was talking about your attitude.
My mentor Bill Mitchell said, that attitude is your
self talk, right, the things you say to yourself,
your focus, the questions you ask yourself most often,
and how that dictates your narrative,
and then the way you move your body, right?
Move your body in a powerful way,
you're gonna act more powerfully.
Move your body in a soft, eh-huh way, right?
You're screwed.
You know this to be true, so these three things
control your attitude, and your attitude
is simply your view of the world.
That's really all it is.
Do you see the glass half full, do you see it half empty?
Do you see nothing but opportunity in your marketplace,
or do you see a lack of inventory in your marketplace?
It's just your view of the world.
But here's the bummer, you ready?
How you view the world determines the actions that you take.
And guess what?
If I view the world as, the services that I deliver
help customers, and you know what?
They need good, quality rockstar real estate agents like
myself, so I'm gonna talk to everybody I can to help those
people, well then you're gonna take all the right action.
If you see yourself, if you have a fiduciary responsibility
to make sure that everyone inside your database
knows exactly what's going on in the market,
what's the current value of their home,
and that are they taking care of it, and are their friends
taken care of, or are they going to some website
and now being passed around the
Internet to some strange agent?
Like if you feel in your heart of hearts,
that you have that responsibility,
then you're gonna make the phone calls to your database.
You're gonna make all those follow up calls.
If you recognize that the average person could take
five to seven, you know, contacts and conversations
before they make a decision, you're never gonna get upset
the first time you're on the phone with someone who says,
hey, you know, would you follow up?
And then you're in that game, and
you're doing the follow up process.
You know that that's a part of the process,
so your actions are aligned, are you with me on this?
See, it starts up here.
Self talk, focus, and then the way
you move your body impacts your attitude.
Your attitude determines your action
But what if my self talk is, oh my God,
this is just, you know, this is just so hard
and I'm just not good at it, I've never,
I've never been good at the phone,
I'm just, I'm just not good at the phone.
What?
But people say that kind of stuff,
and then, look at their attitude,
and then look at the actions they take, or in this case,
don't take, and here's the bummer, you ready?
Action or no action produces a result.
And your result, guess what they do?
They reinforce your self talk, your focus, and your action.
So let's look at the ideal scenario, you ready?
'Cause I know a lot of you, you're like, okay,
conceptually I get it, I can see
the visual that Richard put up here.
At the end of the day, early in my career,
and even today, if you see me backstage,
I'm still running the same patterns over and over again
to make sure that when I get on stage, I'm ready to deliver.
Before I get on a coaching session, I'm ready to deliver.
Before I go into a meeting, I'm ready to deliver.
I don't want to show up and have this, right,
my psychology not be prepared, and I know you want the same.
So you ready?
So let's talk about the three actions that I've
taken repeatedly, and I'm strongly recommending for you.
The very first action is awareness.
Becoming aware that this current pattern you're running
is actually creating a disaster in your life.
Becoming aware that your self talk does have an impact.
Becoming aware that the questions that you're
asking yourself, why does this keep happening to me?
is exactly why it keeps happening to you.
And also awareness, and you know this, that the way
you move your body impacts everything in your life.
So awareness is the first thing, but under awareness,
this is what I did early and I continue to do today.
If I really need to get myself committed around something,
I'll ask myself, what are the serious, negative consequences
I'm going to experience if I continue doing this behavior?
What are the serious, negative consequences
I, and I literally will start writing out
stuff that is painful, right, that hurts my feelings,
that makes me feel and look bad in my own mind,
like I'm trying to create enough pain
where I finally say, enough is enough,
I'm gonna do the right thing.
You've got to get to that point of pain
to move the emotional needle to get you into action.
Then I go to the flip side and say,
but what are the positive benefits of me doing so?
Right, how am I gonna feel?
What are others gonna say?
What's gonna be the impact on my family?
How am I gonna feel about myself?
And you start to ask yourself those
positive questions and you list them out.
Now here's the deal, Tony Robbins
made his entire career on this.
What's his line?
We'll do more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure?
Right, that's old school psychology.
Get enough fear and anxiety and stress and pain
out into your future, and you're gonna immediately
start saying, I gotta detour away from that.
But what I am gonna detour and go towards?
The things I most want, the benefits.
So awareness is the first step, but you really gotta
slam it home with that intense fear and pain,
like consider, you don't make your phone calls,
everyone in your family suffers.
You don't make your phone calls, you suffer.
And until you get that, until it really digs into you
emotionally, you're not gonna make the adjustment.
And guess what?
When you start to make the adjustment,
then you gotta think about all the benefits,
the reasons why you're doing it, so that's number one,
and if you just stop there, you're gonna do really well.
Look at number two.
You have to replace, replace the
old pattern with the new pattern.
I would actually ask people, I did this two years ago
at the summit where I said, do me a favor right now,
buddy up, 6,000 people partnered up in twos,
and I said, show them what you do before you actually say,
I'm gonna make some phone calls.
Or, like, in that moment, and literally you had,
you know, 3,000 people at a time going,
okay, I gotta make my phone calls,
and you could, you could see the whole room,
their physiology was off, you could hear the conversations
in the room were meek and not powerful.
They actually were showing, this is what I do,
basically to create call avoidance.
Then I said, now let's create a new pattern.
So what would you say to yourself, right,
before you make the phone calls to really empower yourself?
What question would you ask to drive home,
in the case of the phone calls,
the right behavior, the benefits of as an example,
and then how would you move your body?
And guess what, now all of a sudden we create this magic,
where literally people are doing this, like,
okay right now, like I'm fired up, I love the phone,
I love getting on the phone, I love helping customers,
I love making phone calls, I love solving problems,
I love reaching out to people, you know,
they're just, they're in this dialogue,
and those were horrible by the way,
but it's just a simple example.
The bottom line is, you start talking yourself into it.
Now think about it like this, every
professional athlete does it, every professional athlete.
They're talking themselves into what they want,
they're talking themselves into success,
and by the way, if you're in a cubicle environment
and you want your own private office,
this is how I did it early on,
I would just walk around and go,
right now I can have my (mumbles),
I'd just do my affirmations, I'd be fired up,
and like finally, Greg Aller, my first sales manager's like,
we need to get you an office,
so that's another positive benefit, doing the affirmations.
But then I'd start asking myself better questions.
What do we love about helping people?
Why am I really on this planet?
Like how is this going to help me
achieve my long term mission, right?
Are there people in my marketplace
right now that need my services?
Am I committed to helping those people?
And you know what, that begins to shape
my focus towards, I gotta get on the phone.
And the phone is a metaphor for whatever action
you're not taking consistently,
and then, moving your body in a powerful way, right?
There's just something about putting your shoulders back,
putting a smile on your face, standing tall,
I used to imagine, you know, the Superman cape behind me,
you know, the Superwoman cape behind you,
and literally you might even wanna think about
getting a physical cape and putting it on
before you make your phone calls,
because just the act of putting on that cape,
dun-du-du-dun-dun, right, you're gonna feel like super you.
And guess what, that's how you start
to change the behavior, that's how when you hear me say,
like, what's your goal and what are your behaviors
and how do we align them, this is the alignment strategy.
Awareness, what are the consequences for not taking
action, and what are the benefits for taking action?
And then secondly, replacing the old behavior
with the new behavior, conditioning over and over again,
the right self talk, asking yourself the right questions,
and then ultimately starting to really take responsibility
for the way you're moving your body,
now, here's the bummer, you ready?
Number three is where people get stuck, 'cause you're like,
Tom, okay, conceptually I know how to do this.
Without number three, it doesn't work.
Accountability around conditioning.
Do you follow me on Instagram?
Have you noticed on my Instagram stories
that I post things like, you know,
one of 250, 35 of 250, Monday through Friday,
five days a week, I made this commitment, last November
that I would train five days a week
in the gym, right, weight training, not cardio,
weight training, five days a week,
and I made the decision to create massive accountability
with you know, 40, 50,000 people on Instagram
to let them know I'm doing it every single day.
Does that make sense?
That's a way to make sure that I'm conditioning
the right behavior, showing up no matter how much sleep or
sleep I didn't get to do the thing that gives me the power.
Does that make sense?
So, awareness, replace the old behavior, and ultimately
create the accountability to condition it, to do the work,
and in case you're wondering, if you Google right now,
how long's it take to develop a new habit?
21 days is a lie, 21 days is a lie.
The science actually says it's closer to 66 days,
and can be as high as 120 days,
so don't think if you tried it for three weeks
and suddenly you're healed, no.
You're gonna have to do it over and over and over and over.
But then again, what's the benefit of doing so?
And what's the consequence for being the same?
It's your life, my friends.
Who's ultimately responsible?
Who are you? Is this your time?
Or are you totally comfortable
running some patterns that are
absolutely causing you to suffer?
No one said you're on this planet to suffer, my friend.
No one said that, so it's time to take responsibility.
I really hope you got a lot of value out of this.
This will probably be something
you wanna watch three or four or five times,
and then give me some comments below
and if you need help, reach out to me through social media.
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube.
I'm here to help, I want you to grow.
Thanks so much for watching.
Remember always your strategy matters, and now more
than ever, your view of the world absolutely rules.
Hey, it's coach Tom Ferry.
Have you been considering hiring a coach?
If so, click the link below and check out what we do.
(beep)
Trying to think of the book, um,
oh, don't edit this, it's gonna come to me in a second.
I'm having one of those mental moments.
Um, (beep) I actually have to edit this.
I can't think of the name of the book.
- [Man] What's it about?
- Uh.
I can see the book in my, no, it's not Brian Tracy,
it's no one like that, it's the dude from Utah.
Yes, this is really good.
So I'm kinda known as one take Tom,
so if this happens, this is just awkward.
It is, it's not, nope, I'm like literally
going through books in my head, nope, nope, nope, nope.
"Slight Edge," k, got it.