Have you ever wondered why a narcissist stares at you? There are a number of reasons. I always
found this really bizarre when I was dealing with the narcissists in my life. And by the
end of this video, you're going to know why narcissists are always watching you.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the best-selling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step‑By‑Step Divorce Guide, and I've helped 1,000s of people
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So let's talk about why a narcissist is always watching you and what it is that they're doing
when they're staring at you. I found this to be really, really bizarre. So of course
I've dealt with tons of narcissists in my law practice, either as clients, or as opposing
clients, opposing counsel. But one of the things that I noticed with the two narcissists
that I had to deal with in my life is that they were always watching me. They were staring
at me, either in person, because one of the narcissists that I had to deal with was a
family member. And so I noticed that this person was always watching me and staring
at me. Or the other person who was in my life unfortunately as a narcissist, they were always
watching what I was doing either online, or social media, or whatever it was. And I just
found it really, really bizarre. And I used to talk about it with my husband
all the time, who of course my husband didn't know narcissists, or understand narcissism,
or had never studied it, so, he was like, "Oh, they probably just like you. Maybe they
admire you or something like that." But I just remember thinking it was really kind
of creepy. Like why are these people watching me? Because it wasn't normal like, "Oh, I
happen to notice what this person is wearing," or something. It was like watching me.
And as I started to study narcissism and really learn about the personality because I was
trying to learn so that I could be a better lawyer, and learn how to negotiate better,
and become more of a master in dealing with narcissists in the negotiating realm, I was
also learning about narcissists in general. One of the reasons that I found that they're
constantly watching you and they're constantly staring at you is because they are trying
to take you in. They need that endless amount of supply, so they're studying you, they're
watching you to see what it is that you're doing because they want to emulate you. They
want to be you. They want to be like you. You become a narcissist target because you
have so much value. And that's like the really crazy thing because they start devaluing you
right away after the love bomb phase. If you want to know more about narcissistic devaluing,
check out my video on narcissistic devaluing. But especially covert narcissists, they really
are studying you, but in a covert way. I have a couple of videos on covert narcissists,
which is Covert Narcissists in Relationships and The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist.
The two narcissists that I had to deal with were both covert narcissists. The covert narcissists
are the ones that are going to be more likely to be staring at you, and watching you, and
studying you because they want to take you in. I felt like the one narcissist in my life
was almost trying to step into my shoes, and push me aside, or like disappear me. It was
the strangest thing. It wasn't just admiration. It was this odd sort of pod thing. Like, "I'm
going to take over everything that you've done and take credit for it. And I'm attaching
myself to you too, but I'm doing this because I want to just sort of like become you."
Rather than trying to do these things all on their own, because narcissists don't feel
like they have the ability to become things on their own. They don't have any sense of
self. They have no sense of self-worth. So what they do is they attach themselves to
people who have the qualities that they want. That's the type of narcissistic supply. So
they're watching you because they're obsessed with you in a lot of ways. So that's one of
the reasons that they are always watching you.
Another reason that they're always watching you is to actually attract you because they
want you to be part of their world. They want you to like them at least initially. They
want you to be under their web of control. They need you to become that narcissistic
supply for that. Another reason that they're always watching you is because they are hoovering
you. So maybe it's you're into the discard phase and now you've discarded them. Or even
if they've discarded you, but they still, even if they're discarding you, want you to
continue to be a source of supply for them. I heard somebody say it's almost like they
keep people on shelves that could potentially be narcissistic supply down the road. It's
almost like they're saving you in jars or something and they can pull it back out if
they want to, if they need to. So they'll come back and hoover at you again to try to
get you to become part of that narcissistic supply again. So that's one of the reasons
why they stare or they watch you also. Another reason that they do it is because
they want to intimidate you. I've seen this actually in depositions and things like that,
where somebody's trying to divorce a narcissist, and they'll actually stare at that person
who's being deposed because they want to intimidate that person. Or they want to be like, "You
better be careful about what you're going to say or what you're about to do because
I'm watching you," kind of a thing. It could be scary or intimidating, especially if you're
dealing with a malignant narcissist. If you've seen a narcissist watching you and
you've experienced it, give me a, "I've experienced this," in the comments. Just comment below,
"I've experienced this," and let me know what your experience has been with them watching
you like this. I mean, it's super creepy. It's really weird. If you don't know anything
about narcissists, if you haven't been studying this, or watching videos like mine, and really
understanding the personality of a narcissist, you might think, "What the heck are you doing?
Why are you staring at me at?" But there's a number of reasons why they do that.
The last reason why a narcissist might happen to stare at you is because they want your
attention, so they just are watching you because they want you to watch them back. They want
you to stare back at them. They want to get your attention. So everything is wrapped up
in getting some sort of supply for a narcissist, and they get supply from getting your attention.
They get supply from hoovering you, and trying to get you back, and get you back into their
web of control. They get supply from intimidating, you, and they get supply from watching you,
and trying to become you, and devaluing you so that they can get as much supply from you
as they possibly can and control you. So, of course, that's why they stare at you. That's
why they watch you. It is really bizarre. I remember feeling extremely uncomfortable
and not liking it at all, and knowing that there was something wrong with it, but not
knowing why. So if you are dealing with a narcissist in
a negotiating setting, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet.
It is free, and it's an ebook and I've helped, I mean literally 1,000s of people have downloaded
it now at this point and used it in their negotiations. So just go ahead and grab it.
It's at winmynegotiation.com. If you like this video, give me a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment. Let me know what your experience has been with narcissists watching you or
staring at you. And if you are dealing with a narcissist, and you want more support, you
want to be able to vent. You want to feel like you're not alone. Dealing with narcissism
can feel very isolating. You feel very alone. Come join me in my free private Facebook group,
Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. Thank you so much for watching today. I'm
so glad you stopped by my channel. If you haven't subscribed, do that now. Subscribe,
hit the notification bell. Remember today's a great day to start negotiating your best
life and I'll see you in the next video.