Caw caw!
Ooh ah! Ooh! I like it! I like it!
The one thing I wanted to be in life with all of my vagina,
the one thing I wanted to be was a hoe.
Every group of girls has a hoe friend.
And if you don't have a hoe friend,
that's because you are the hoe friend.
A lot of my friends have kids.
It's always the basic ones that find love first.
They always look at me and they're like
“London, you need to go out there. Go out.
You'll find a single guy in a club.”
You got more chance of finding a black girl
in a Judd Apatow movie.
Think about it.
Male comics get treated like gods.
You don't have to be good looking.
You don't even have to have money,
but women will f**k you if you're funny.
It does not work the other way around.
My dating history looks like a who’s who of Uber drivers.
I found a rare white guy in the wild.
He was a bit kinky. He was a bit freaky.
He was a bit weird. Okay.
And one day he came in from work and he was like
“How sexually free are you?”
And I was like, "Well here's the thing.
I got sacked from a major porn channel,
and I sucked d**k for shoes.
I'm as sexually free as can be."
Have you ever role played?
I was like, "No, I'm a black woman.
The role I'm playing is hard enough."