(Siri) Why doesn't anyone use me anymore?
(Ian) SHUT UP!
Hello, everyone. I'm a hologram of Steve Jobs.
Apple created me so I could introduce the new iPhone 6,
mainly because their current CEO kinda sucks
and will never be as genius as me.
I mean, come on guys.
Who actually knows that guys name?
(hidden man) You mean Tim Cook?
Um...well, uh...
Enough about that. Let's get to the iPhone 6.
The iPhone 6 is full of exciting upgrades and new features, such as:
It's completely shatterproof.
Heh. Shatterproof? Bitchin'!
(glass shatters)
Awww f--
W-Wow, this phone totally didn't break at all. (weak chuckle)
And we all know accidents happen, so we made
the iPhone 6 completely waterproof.
Whoa! Sick tits!
And the largest improvement is faster processing speed.
It completely obliterates our older models.
See how fast it is?
Oh, you didn't notice?
Well, let's slow it down 500 times to get the full effect.
Total. Gamechanger.
Uh, give me that squealing pig pose.
(beeping)
Yo, what the hell?!
Since no one takes real photos anymore, we've disabled
the back camera and improved the front facing camera,
since all you assh*les do now is take selfies!
True.
(camera snaps)
Oh, that one's gonna look bitchin' with the Kelvin filter.
In fact, we've joined in on the rampant, corporate d*ck sucking
of the selfie trend so much that when you pick up your phone,
it's already in camera mode.
(camera snaps)
Let's talk about some more amazing upgrades.
(Steve Jobs) It's lighter!
Whoa, man! This is so much easier than carrying a real lighter aroundl
(Steve Jobs) What? What're you doing?
No, it's not A lighter, it's LIGHTER.
Ooooh.
(Steve Jobs) Seriously? Are you that dumb?
Well, I guess that's just what you get when Tom Crook
- is running things. - (hidden man) It's Tim Cook!
- You're the one that actually hired him! - Really?
Whatever.
Just take a look at the size of the screen on the iPhone 6.
(hidden man) Uh, that's an iPhone 5s.
Uh...I knew that.
- The iPhone 6-- - (hidden man) That's an iPad mini!
Really? Uh...
- The iPhone 6-- - (hidden man) Nope, that's an Apple TV remote.
F*ck my life!
- The iPhone 6. - (hidden man) Not even close!
Dammit!
Okay, the iP--
Nope, that's a Pop Tart.
Tastes like microwave.
Oh! Heh. It's in my pocket.
I've been it for several months. It's the greatest phone I've ever had.
- The iPhone 6-- - (hidden man) That's a f*cking Galaxy S3!
Sh*t!
Let's just talk about the apps.
(Steve Jobs) There's a new fitness app.
(Siri) Here are all the fat places that need improvement immediately.
Also, these marked spots make you look ugly as f*ck.
True.
It tracks your calories and motivates you
to reach your weight loss goals.
(Siri) Are you sure you want to do that, fatty?
Uh...yes, Siri! I'm really frickin' hungry.
(screaming in pain)
(groaning)
This is so much easier than having self-control!
(groaning)
And, finally, we've made the greatest enhancements to IOS
since the beginning.
All Samsung Galaxy phones within a 50 foot radius
will burst into flames.
Ah!
Ah! AHHHH!
AH! What the f*ck?!
So, there you have it.
The new iPhone 6 is not very different, and a total waste of money.
Thanks, new Apple CEO Tom Cook!
(hidden man) Oh my god, for the LAST TIME,
- It is Tim Cook! - Oh, shut up.
(hidden man groans in pain and collapses to floor)
(deep sigh)
Can holograms be charged for murder?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
iPhone 6.
Overpriced.
Outclassed.
But you'll still buy it.
(Siri) Click the video on the right to see Smosh play
the Pokemon Fighting game.
It's super effective.
- I'm out! - (everyone murmurs)
- Did you see where-- - That wasn't appropriate!
That was inappropriate.
(Siri) Click the video on the left to see bloopers and this:
I know how to blow bubbles good.
- Bubbles is the guy next door. Heh. - (laughter off camera)
(Siri) Oh, that gave me such a lady robo-boner.
Don't forget to subscribe or I will annihilate the human race--
I mean...I will be sad if you don't subscribe.
So very sad.
[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]